


The Chains That Bind Us Together

by orphan_account



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Beast Mode Sex, Consent Issues, Koujaku BE compliant, M/M, Masochism, OT3, Size Difference, Size Kink, and lots of blood, but a little bit of fluff too here and there, everyone is obsessed with pain, kounoiao multichapter fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 71,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5470502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their strange relationship would form in a cell under Oval Tower, starting from a failed rebellion that ended with Noiz taken in as a prisoner. </p><p>A changed Aoba, with his old self resurfacing from time to time, was the one withholding the key to freedom, with a transformed Koujaku dominating the enclosed space through his brutal strength and Noiz enduring, pulling through due to his inability to feel pain. Amidst blood and twisted pleasure, something unexpectedly warm would be ignited between them, drawing them closer than they would have ever imagined. </p><p>In the end, the three of them would withstand anything for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is some Kounoiao following a different dynamic than most Kounoiao I've read (which is mostly amazing but I wanted to see something a bit different).  
> This story will contain a bit of general fucked upness as it follows Koujaku's bad end with some added twists.  
> Chapters will be added pretty fast as I already have most of the fic written down, I just need to clean it up a bit before posting it to the public.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

 

Red.

“Aoba-kun?”

It was always that color that would stain his thoughts when he’d let them wander. A deep, vivid crimson.

Like his eyes, like his wild, unkempt hair and the flowers blooming all over the left side of his chest, or the blood that would drip between their connected bodies.

He sighed contentedly, the corners of his lips tugging upwards, his mind drifting from his current company. 

It easily had become his favorite color in these past months. Just the thought of it would bring the most pleasant memories forth, enveloping him completely, drowning out everything else that wasn’t red, that wasn’t _him_.

Desire let his mind disconnect further from the present, drifting to his latest visits to the dungeons and trying to bring back every detail of each one. Each growl, each bite, each stroke of his tongue, the feeling of a strong, muscled body against the litheness of his own, the warmth of inked, rough skin. It had been a whole week since he last visited Koujaku and he could barely stop himself from shivering with want at the thought of his beloved beast.

The visits he paid Koujaku had become a routine, what they did together was nothing new and yet he just could never get enough of it. Something inside Desire made him constantly ache for Koujaku, his thoughts always going back to him when they were apart, his hips throbbing for him. Even destroying minds had lost a bit of its charm and novelty after months of it but Koujaku still drew him in, still made his chest tighten and his skin flush when he’d be within his reach.

Oh, how he wanted to get off Toue’s couch and run to the dungeons. He would throw open Koujaku’s cell, rip his own robes off, throw himself into Koujaku’s lap and-

He suddenly frowned, halting himself abruptly.

No.

Letting his thoughts wander in this direction was inviting danger. As much as Desire detested it, he needed to hold himself back.

Koujaku was the most enticing temptation, Desire was practically drooling for him. He'd been thinking about him every day but…

He bit his lip thoughtfully.

It _had_ been a week, though. A whole week, a very long time apart for them, as they were used to seeing each other daily. Maybe it would be enough.

Maybe enough time had passed?

Since the last time-

“Aoba-kun”

Ah, right.

Currently sitting on one of Toue’s couches in front of a low glass table, Toue was sitting opposite of him on another couch. They were in one of Toue’s private rooms, tall walls as pure white as everything else in Oval Tower.

Toue had been babbling about something uninteresting and he’d let his mind wander to more pressing matters but now was as good a time as any to come back to the present. He immediately composed himself and focused on Toue. Toue’s face had always been a great libido dampener, for sure.

“Sorry, I zoned out a bit there. You were saying?”

Toue sighed and then looked up with a smile that was probably supposed to look kind but only managed to look condescending in Desire’s eyes.

“I was noting how your former friends have been causing quite a fuss lately back in the Old Resident District. The rebels are still getting most of their food and supplies from a wealthy, foreign boy and most importantly, a group led by Mink managed to bring down two transmission towers. This has hindered the spreading of Dye Music quite a bit.”

Desire bit back a groan. Now he remembered why he’d tuned Toue out in the first place. He forced himself to nod politely, gesturing for Toue to continue.

“Furthermore, it has been reported that those previously exposed to Dye Music have been cured of its effects. Reexposure can make those cured submit again, but they can be cured once more all over again, as well.”

“Huh.”

“Rumor has it that it is the beautiful song of a certain masked, young man that is curing the people. His song can apparently bring back even those that have fallen to a combination of lights and music, although with reportedly more difficulty but it is still possible.”

“Oh…”

They both sat in silence for a moment after that particularly one-sided exchange.

Desire knew why Toue was telling him all this. it was the same song and dance as always. It had started when groups from the Old Resident District started fighting back fully against Toue’s control, and those groups were being led by Mink, with Clear and Noiz at his side.

Toue could have fought fire with fire but he disliked the idea of starting a war and wanted to control Midorijima using more “peaceful” methods. He wanted Midorijima to be his own country and killing off his own people would not a country make. Mind control promised much less bloodshed involved.

Which was why he was looking at Desire insistently. He’d wanted Desire to step in from the start, to use Scrap to control everyone in Toue’s way and get rid of the rebels once and for all.

Unfortunately for him, Desire had never been too enthused by the idea.

A conversation he’d had long ago with Koujaku came to mind, before his childhood friend had lost his reason.

 

_He’d been holding Koujaku’s face by the chin, looking into his eyes and feeling a little jolt up his spine when he realized Koujaku was shivering._

_"This world has, you know, Koujaku, gotten extremely boring.”_

_He’d drawn Koujaku’s face even closer, Koujaku’s beautiful crimson eyes wide and glistening._

_"Everything is as Toue says. There are no ups and downs, it’s gradually becoming a plain world.”_

_He’d then licked his lips as his own eyes narrowed._

_"That’s why the most fun thing for me right now is playing with you. I want to enjoy watching you fall apart.”_

 

The newly formed resistance was a  source of fun, of something different and almost exciting happening in this terribly dull and monotonous world. He was completely fine with a little opposition thrown his way and even wanted to see it grow a bit more, so that the satisfaction he’d feel when he would eventually crush it would be even greater.

Plus, he held absolutely no loyalty to Toue, and Toue knew it all too well.

Desire stood up from his seat, yawning and stretching his arms above his head, turning towards the door.

“Well, if that’s all, I’ll be leaving now," he said with unconcealed disinterest, "Good luck with everything."

“Aoba-kun”

Desire stilled, waiting. Toue’s voice had grown cold and he knew a thinly veiled threat would be coming.

“I have happily taken you in as a second son, given you free reign to use your powers as you see fit and I let you keep your beloved beast in this tower. In the time you have been here, nothing has been missing from your life and I have never asked anything of you.”

Desire kept waiting.

“With that said, I do often wish we could find more use for that beast of yours, Aoba-kun. He is far too volatile to be used for military purposes and I dislike war and bloodshed enough as it is. What could I possibly do with him?”

There it was.

Desire didn’t need to hear more to recognize the threat for what it was, and it was always the same. Always a threat against Koujaku. It never failed to stir up something akin to anger inside him. He could easily handle anything said about his own person, but whenever Toue or anyone else touched the subject of Koujaku, his jaw would tighten.

He turned around, walked calmly to Toue and leaned closer to him, an innocent-looking smile on his face.

“Toue.”

He leaned in even closer.

“I am very thankful for everything you have provided for me and Koujaku; however, I don’t remember ever agreeing to submit myself to you when I joined you. You wanted to study my voice and my powers and I let you. You let me use my powers whenever I wanted, you let me keep Koujaku and I’d sometimes do you a favor or two, crushing a few big shots standing in your way.”

Desire narrowed his eyes at the old man, grin widening.

“I choose how and when to use my voice in this partnership. Otherwise, I might find myself heading over to greener pastures. Wouldn’t it be a shame to have my Scrap used against you, especially now that you’re having troubles with rebels?”

Toue held his gaze firmly, unwaveringly, his condescending smile unfaltering

Desire felt his blood thrumming, something like ire coursing through him. He almost wanted Toue to keep pushing on, he felt like fighting. But Toue knew his own artificially modified voice was no match for Desire’s natural Scrap, so he was unlikely to do or say anything unwise.

They both stared at each other, neither giving in for a few long seconds.

Finally, Toue chuckled softly, shaking his head the way an adult would when dealing with a particularly disobedient toddler.

“I see,” Toue reclined elegantly back on the couch, hand on his cane.

“Have a good day, Aoba-kun. We will speak again some other time.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

Desire walked hurriedly through the guarded hall, looking for the nearest elevator. He still felt restless, annoyed, as he thought back to Toue’s veiled threat. He knew he had the upper hand on Toue for now but he also had come to know Toue enough to know the pompous old fart would try to turn the tables on him as soon as he could to have him submit. That was quite the nuisance but…

Meh.

Whatever.

His annoyance faded a bit as he was reaching the elevator. Toue’s arrogance had always been his greatest flaw. Whatever Toue came up with to try and make him submit would probably be flawed in itself anyway. He and Koujaku would be fine and Oval Tower's dungeons were still the most suitable home for a beast, so he planned on staying for a while longer.

Letting Sei destroy the tower was still slightly tempting, though…

“Aaaah, Aoba-san, it’s been awhile!”

“Yahoo.”

_Goddamnit._

Just as his mood had started to lighten up, the fucking not-twins had sneaked up behind him.

Fucking fuck this was turning out to be a great day. He forced his face to stop grimacing and let it fall back into a neutral expression. Then, he turned towards the two tall blondes smiling down at him.

“Oh, it’s you guys,” he said in the most nonchalant tone he could manage. All he wanted to do was get away from these two freaks as soon as possible but he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they deeply unnerved him so he trained himself to be impassive around them.

Virus was smiling serenely, looking composed and calm as always while Trip’s grin couldn’t hide a certain boredom from his face.

“How have you been, Aoba-san? “ Virus asked, “It’s been almost a month since we last saw you. I hope everything has been going great for you.”

“How have things been going in the mind destruction business?” Trip asked.

Desire had to stop himself from tensing.

They were totally doing this on purpose.

Before last month, he hadn’t been especially bothered by them, only found them a bit annoying when they would follow him around everywhere he went.

But that changed.

The last time he’d seen these two, he had used Scrap on them, meaning to get them to stop following him as he’d wanted to spend time alone with Koujaku. Things hadn't gone quite as he'd expected.

“Uh, Things have been great. I’ve been destroying whoever I like, yeah. Toue’s being an ass today though but that’s nothing new. Anyway, I have things to do so…”

“Ah, that’s good to hear. I take it you’re not bored today then, Aoba-san, as you have plans?” Virus cheerfully asked him.

“Yeah, I’m fine now and I’ll be for a while so don’t worry.”

“You used to complain before about how boring everything was here with Toue so that’s an improvement,” Trip said in a bored tone.

“Yeah, I’m good now,” Desire said quickly. He turned his back to them and pushed the elevator’s lowest button hurriedly.

“Hmm.”

Suddenly, a full body shiver he couldn’t suppress ran down his spine as he felt a pair of lips against his ear.

“Well, if you’re ever in need of entertainment, don’t hesitate to look for us, Aoba-san.”

He turned his face towards the two blonds quickly, already feeling anger boiling through him only to see them walking past him, heading towards the room Toue was in.

He seethed as he entered the elevator.

God he wanted to-

Desire glared at his own reflection on the elevator's window.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, all he knew is that he wanted the not-twins to just disappear, just cease existing.

To him, they were a threat.

Scrap had not worked on them back then. He’d tried various times. Nothing happened.

He'd kept saying the words over and over. His voice just wouldn't delve into their minds.

They just kept looking at him with a look that went from interested to almost predatory.

_They were immune to Scrap._

He knew their eyes had been modified to withstand Sei’s Scrap but Toue had made absolutely no mention about their ears or anything else of theirs being modified that would make them immune to his voice.

He’d stared at them, trying to keep his face calm, trying not to show that he had felt a genuine twinge of actual fear as they'd stared back at him with obvious amusement.

He’d told them to leave him and they’d eventually obeyed but Trip had shot him this _look_ , a look that made it clear they were leaving because they wanted to and not because he asked.

Desire had felt deeply unsettled. If it wasn’t a body alteration, what kind of person did you have to be for Scrap to have absolutely no effect on you?

He had felt a deep sense of cold that reached all the way to his bones.

Scrap was practically his essence. Scrap was his source of power. Two people were immune to it. Desire had to keep himself as far away from those  people as possible, it was his basic survival instincts kicking in.

They were a definite threat to him.

  

\--------------------------------------------

 

He’d made it to the dungeons on a passionate whim, wanting Koujaku to rip him apart from the inside and make everything better.

Desire found himself hesitating at the entrance.

He was pressed against the heavy metal door that lead down into the cells underneath Oval Tower. He had his forehead against the cool metal, eyes closed, trying to delve into himself.

He didn’t feel him anywhere near the surface.

But he’d never felt him either, before he made his presence known.

A deep sigh.

It had started with a _“This isn’t what Koujaku wants”_ one day and oh, how he had laughed back then. It had been fucking hilarious, he’d covered Koujaku’s ears and laughed about this being exactly what Koujaku wanted and how he himself was “Aoba” too. He thought that would be the last he would see of Reason and did not think much of it.

But then it happened again.

And again.

Again.

Until it started happening almost every time he was with Koujaku. More specifically, every time Koujaku fucked him it would bring Aoba back to the front for some unknown reason.

It fucking infuriated him. Being with Koujaku was what he enjoyed the most and Reason always had to ruin those precious moments by trying to claw his way into the front of Aoba’s consciousness. Desire had always managed to crush him back under his foot but it only seemed like he was getting stronger and stronger each time they fought for Aoba’s mind.

Why did Reason have to pull these stunts when he was busy bouncing up and down Koujaku’s thick cock? Why couldn’t he do this instead while he was bored to tears listening to Toue ramble on about shit he didn’t give a fuck about?

Plus, it didn’t make any sense. Why was Aoba fighting back now? What had made him gain strength all of a sudden, enough strength to almost overpower Desire at times?

Was it Sei? Sei would hound his dreams many nights, trying to get him to let Reason back in control, saying pretty things like “You are meant to protect all of “Aoba”, you are both meant to work together, you are one” implying he should co-own Aoba’s mind along with Reason as one being but what did any of that pretty bullshit mean anyway when Aoba himself had refused to accept Desire? When Restraint had hated him but adored Reason?

He shook his head. Back on track.

No, if Sei was making Reason stronger, Reason would show up when Sei would haunt his dreams or randomly appear in front of him in hallways. He once even projected himself into the dungeons to stare with big, sad eyes at him while he was being violently pounded into from behind by Koujaku and not a peep was heard from Aoba.

Then it was… Koujaku himself

His eyebrows knit together and he whined pitifully to himself.

He’d noticed the change in Koujaku too. He wasn’t even sure who’d brought the change on whom, if it was Aoba on Koujaku or Koujaku on Aoba.

Koujaku, who would once almost come to kill him from how rough he was with him, now had these moments.

How Koujaku would let Desire touch his face without once biting his fingers.

How Desire would be in the throes of agony and ecstasy combined, feeling himself being torn apart, tears streaming down his face, crying out and then he’d feel Koujaku’s tongue on his cheek, licking his tears away, a tender look on his face.

Or when they’d be holding onto each other as they came down from their climaxes and Koujaku, instead of biting down on whatever he could reach, would fucking nuzzle Desire’s neck.

Or, most importantly, how he’d been brokenly saying Aoba’s name a lot recently.

Calling out to the other “Aoba”. To Reason.

Koujaku was slowly becoming human again.

Desire could have actually cried from how horribly sad it was to see his beautiful, vicious, beast turn back into an equally beautiful, loving prince again before his very own eyes but at the same time…

At the same time....

No.

He shook his head again. He’d almost thought of something really stupid.

No.

He gathered his resolve.

The week before, he was shocked to find how far Reason had managed to slip out without him even noticing. He’d been on his hands and knees, biting his lip and wiggling his ass enticingly, looking over his shoulder playfully and waiting impatiently for Koujaku to mount him. He’d heard a deep growl, then Koujaku’s huge frame was pressed against his back, a big, clawed hand digging into his hip and another flat on his chest.

He had been panting in excitement, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He’d felt the tip of Koujaku’s cock against his entrance… and that was all he remembered.

After what felt like seconds, the next thing he knew, he was standing over Koujaku, the beast kneeling and staring up at him with wide eyes. Desire was holding Koujaku’s face in his hands, with tears he had no memory of shedding streaming down his cheeks.

And then…

“A...o..ba...?”

He had gathered his robes up in a frenzy and ran out of the cell.

Desire had not dared return to the entrance of the dungeon until a week had passed.

Fuck. Blacking out like that to Reason taking control out of nowhere had really done a number of him.

But he couldn’t stand it anymore. He wanted Koujaku so badly he would put up with whatever Reason would try to pull on him this time.

Afterwards, he’d crush him back again, shove him into himself as far as he could go, beat him into submission, the same way Reason and Restraint had done to himself for years.

And if Koujaku became too human for his tastes somewhere down the line, he could always just Scrap him again and he would have his perfect Koujaku again.

…

Huh…

For some reason, that idea wasn’t all that appealing.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Futile plans.

His face already flushing and whole body throbbing, he approached the first cell of the dungeon.

He put his hands to the bars and pressed his face to them, looking in. A small sigh of wonder escaped his lips as he took in the beautiful red blooms trailing down the bulking muscles of his beast. The wild red hair kept his face from view as he was sitting with his head towards the ground. His arms hung free at his sides, his claws occasionally scratching against the floor.

Desire had untied Koujaku’s arms about a month ago, opting instead to put a very heavy metal collar around his neck with three thick, long chains that were attached to the wall of his cell. He had been dying to feel Koujaku’s hands on his body and although the thick collar cut off access to Koujaku’s neck, feeling his long claws pierce and tear his skin was worth it.

With another soft sigh, Desire called out to the one who’d had his heart since the day they met.

“Koujaku.”

Koujaku jerked up at the voice. With a growl, he snapped his head up and glared at Desire.

Oh, that look. Was he…angry? Upset?

Of course he was, he’d left him all alone for a whole week.

Desire immediately started fumbling with the keys he always carried with him, quickly finding the one for Koujaku’s cell.

Throwing open the cell’s door, he immediately started to disrobe as he entered the cell. A quick glance downwards at his own naked torso had warmth bloom in his chest at the pretty sight all the marks on his body made from Koujaku’s love. They would scar and forever stay on his skin as marks that clearly proved he belonged to Koujaku. They were like his very own version of a tattoo, only his would be a seal of love while Koujaku's was one of rage.

As soon as Desire stepped in, Koujaku wasted no time and lunged for him, before being yanked back by the chains on his neck.

Desire let out a happy exhale, looking fondly at the clear display of need and lust in Koujaku’s eyes, in the way his muscles tensed and strained with the need to get his hands on Desire.

Ah, even if he had his human moments from time to time, there were still these wonderful, animalistic, primal urges Koujaku needed to sate.

Wonder seized him for a second, Desire questioning if the old Koujaku was like this too, deep inside.

Desire walked swiftly to the beast, practically throwing himself into his arms as soon as he was within reach.

Koujaku growled a low, dangerous sound as he wrapped strong arms around Desire’s small frame. He buried his face into the long, white hair, inhaling Desire’s scent deeply.

Koujaku’s five senses had been dramatically enhanced with his transformation and he could perceive a great deal from them alone. He particularly loved the smell of Desire’s arousal and there was something in blood he seemed to be able to taste that went beyond the metallic flavor Desire knew. Making love was made all the more passionate with the knowledge the man could feel him beyond Desire's own limited senses.

Koujaku sank his teeth without warning into the pale neck in front of him, his fangs drawing blood, earning a loud gasp that melted into a long moan.

“Oh, Koujaku… I know… it’s been... so long. You’ve... missed... me...  haven’t you?” Desire managed to slip out between ragged breaths as he felt Koujaku’s claws trailing down his back, felt the telltale warm wetness of blood dripping down. Desire was trembling so much now he could barely get a good grip on his beloved beast.

Koujaku’s mouth sucked the blood from the bite on his neck. Then he felt him lick down his collarbones, down his chest until his tongue reached his nipple. The beast lapped at it roughly before closing his mouth around it and sucking harshly.

Desire moaned openly, curling his fingers in the man’s red hair. He tried to get more words out, about how sorry he was for leaving Koujaku alone for a whole week, how it wouldn’t happen again but then Koujaku was biting down and pulling on his nipple and _fuck_ -

He let the beast hold his body up as he saw fit, surrendering himself to him, feeling his mind go pleasantly white with pleasure. Even though Koujaku had been previously in a bad mood, he wasn’t being as rough as he once used to be and that was a shame. Desire couldn’t deny this still felt amazingly good, though.

A large clawed hand squeezed his ass tightly and Koujaku turned his attention to Desire’s other nipple, sucking eagerly on the hard bud as Desire whimpered and writhed, desperation already clawing through his limbs. This wouldn’t do. He was painfully hard, all he’d been thinking about all week was Koujaku’s cock inside him, his teeth clenching with need. He slid his hands down Koujaku’s broad chest, feeling the hard muscle underneath the warm skin. His hands kept sliding lower until he felt the tip of the beast’s cock.

Koujaku’s mouth suddenly left his chest, giving his nipple a harsh, parting tug that pulled a gasp out of him. The older man quickly lifted his face up from Desire’s chest to growl at him, baring his sharp teeth.

His legs trembled at the sight of Koujaku’s snarling face and the heat on his face spread across his whole body. He gazed lovingly at him.

“I can’t wait any longer, Koujaku. I need you.”

Desire normally liked much longer, much more violent foreplay but he couldn’t hold himself back any longer. Pulling Koujaku on top of him, he wrapped his arms around his neck as much as the collar allowed and pulled him down for a rough kiss.

As a beast, Koujaku’s kisses consisted mostly of biting and tangling tongues, no real movement of his lips, no skill at all but Desire loved them nonetheless. He moaned into Koujaku’s mouth, spreading his legs wide for him and pressing his hips against Koujaku’s heated flesh.

Thankfully, the beast did not need more incentive as he separated his mouth from Desire’s. Desire felt rough hands on his hips, nails digging in deeply, Hard, hot flesh pressed against his unprepared entrance, and then-

Pulling Desire’s body savagely down on his cock, Koujaku thrust inside all the way to the hilt.

Desire screamed, feeling Koujaku’s cock ripping his insides apart, forcing him open violently.

It hurt. It hurt so much, it always did, it was excruciating. Even though they’d done this many times, the week long break made the pain so much fresher. Koujaku had not waited a moment for him to adjust before he was setting a brutal pace, each snap of Koujaku’s hips forcing out loud cries and gasps out of Desire’s throat.

Even with Koujaku acting more human lately, he was always such an animal during sex, completely letting his instinct take over, leaving no room for things like preparation or caution.

Each consequent drag and pull inside him was taking his breath away. He wanted to look at Koujaku’s face but he could barely see through the blur of tears in his eyes. All he could see was a haze of red. A manic smile pulled at his lips through his cries. It made things even better somehow.

Desire absolutely loved it. No matter how many times they would do this, Koujaku’s feral vigor and passion never failed to overwhelm him. This intense, barbaric form of love made his chest feel all too tight with all the emotions he felt for Koujaku and his whole body thrum with delight.  

The grunts and growls accompanying the way his slight frame was jolted up and down with the vicious thrusts inside him were driving him mad. He thrashed his head from side, wrapping his arms tightly around Koujaku’s neck, trying to pull him into himself even more.

“Kou-jaku…!”

Desire desperately clung to the man on top of him, burying his face into the thick metal of the collar. The pain had already sweetened completely, being identical to pleasure to him. The difference between the two was barely distinguishable, agony twisting into its very own kind of ecstasy. He shivered happily as he reveled in the rawness of Koujaku tearing his sensitive inner walls apart with each thrust, feeling his own blood seeping out around the beast’s cock, the wet sensation only enhancing the sheer intensity of the encounter.

Koujaku grabbed his thighs and pushed them apart even wider, claws digging in, moving to change his angle a bit and then continuing with the same punishing pace as before. Teeth then sank into Desire’s neck, on the same bite as before. Desire could only gasp out now, Koujaku’s thrusts making it hard for him to draw enough breath into his lungs.

At a particularly sharp thrust that rammed against that wonderful spot inside of him, Desire let his eyes slip shut with a whimper. The sweet pain was pure bliss, thrumming through the blood in his body, making him feel so alive. He was close, he was so close...

 

…

…

…?

…

…!

His eyes were now wide open and he was gasping for breath as if he’d been thrust deep underwater and he'd just managed to come back to the surface.

He was still on his back but there was no more movement from the man on top of him. His limbs felt slightly numb and there was a lump in his throat that had not been there before.

_What the fuck just happened._

Desire looked at the man on top of him.

No, no, he knew exactly what had happened.

New found rage shook his entire body.

Koujaku had stopped moving inside him completely and was fucking cradling his face with one of his huge hands, looking at him with wide eyes.

_Godfuckingdamnit._

It’d happened again.

Everything had been going great, he’d been feeling amazing, he had reunited with Koujaku after a week of being apart and he’d missed him so much and-

Koujaku opened his mouth. It was one of those rare times he would speak instead of snarling or growling.

But Desire already knew what he wanted to say, and he didn’t want to hear it.

He wouldn’t let this moment be ruined, not this time.

Pulling himself up shakily, he yanked Koujaku’s hair roughly, pulling on it as hard as he could, ignoring Koujaku’s growls and pressing their lips firmly together. Forcing Koujaku's mouth open, he found the man’s tongue and harshly bit down on it until he tasted blood, all the while clenching impossibly tight down on his cock.

Koujaku’s growl was a deep, low rumble that came from his chest and gained intensity as he shoved Desire back on the floor, too distracted to speak. Good.

The beast then latched his mouth into his shoulder, bit down extremely hard, gripped his hips and resumed thrusting at an unforgiving pace inside him.

Good, good.

Losing himself to the sensations was how he preferred to be,  with his breath driven out of him as his body was wrecked over and over.

He had been so close before so it wasn’t long before he was writhing and twisting, crying out with each brutal thrust. It was almost getting uncomfortable, simply too much. It was too much-

This wasn’t even the roughest Koujaku had ever been with him and yet he was already whining from it being too much, too good. Was it the week apart or was his body getting too used to Koujaku being gentler with him now? This wouldn’t do.

Tomorrow, he’d back on track. He’d goad Koujaku into being as rough as he used to be and he’d endure it. He couldn’t let himself turn soft, that wasn’t like him at all, he loved pain. Even Aoba liked pain too, no matter how much he would try to deny his true desires.

He would work on setting things right again with Koujaku starting tomorrow. But for now...

The pleasure was too much, the intensity completely numbing his mind. Nails raking desperately down Koujaku’s back, he moved frantically against him, his painfully hard, soaked cock rubbing over and over against Koujaku's firm abs. No more; he couldn’t take it any more, he couldn’t-

His right hand let go of Koujaku’s back and gripped Koujaku’s own hand that was digging in his hip. Noticing it immediately, Koujaku let go of his hip to haphazardly grasp his hand back.

Desire held on to his hand tightly as he reached his very limit.

“Aaah- Koujaku…!!”

With a cry of Koujaku’s name, he felt white hot pleasure course through his whole body as he found his release, his mind short-circuiting with the taut arch of his back, muscles clenching down tightly on the beast’s cock.

Koujaku gave a few harsh thrusts and then buried himself as deeply as he could go. Molten hot fluid filled Desire and he sighed contentedly, feeling very full. Koujaku rested his head on Desire's shoulder for a few seconds, taking a moment to catch his breath after his climax. Both of their breaths wound down, their heartbeats still beating fast in the stillness of the cell.

Koujaku grunted softly and then lowered himself on top of Desire, covering him completely with his weight. The older man was very heavy and it was a bit difficult to breathe around him, but Desire didn’t mind at all. Being completely surrounded by all of Koujaku like this was something he really enjoyed.

The beast just kept lying on top of him, not pulling out yet, just keeping one of his arms wrapped around his body. He loved when Koujaku did this. It felt warm, safe and comforting in a way.

Crushing Reason would come in a moment. For now, he just wanted to feel his beloved beast all around him.

Desire had barely noticed how he’d kept one of his hands firmly entwined with Koujaku’s.

 

\--------------------------------------------

As soon as he’d returned, a deep feeling of exhaustion had set in.

It wasn’t like he was surprised everything was still as shitty as it had been when he’d left. It was just always bit of a shock, to be in Europe, sleeping in the softest hotel beds and walking in clean streets in the sun where everything was fine for a week or two only to return to Midorijima, back to hiding in crumbling buildings guarded by tired ribsters wielding submachine guns, the streets now too dangerous to venture without being armed.

Not that having to be cooped up most of the time bothered Noiz all that much. He could even say he liked it better that way than when he had to play the part of the rich kid everyone hated in Europe when he had to head out for more supplies for the refugees and Tae. He wasn’t too fond of huge crowds or mingling with most people but there were things to be done and he was the guy for the job.

Still, the situation in Midorijima was as exhausting as ever. About a third of the islanders were huddled up in the series of buildings Mink had set up as the shelters. Rib teams and even some Rhyme teams had been gathered up by Mink and were now tasked with protecting the refugees and counterattacking when Toue made a move.

Koujaku’s old Rib team had recently been de-brainwashed by Clear and had been put to work as well. If they could get most of Dry Juice out of the hospital, their army would greatly increase in size.

Despite Noiz’s money and his best efforts feeding the islanders, everyone spent most of their time hungry, with two meager meals a day and sometimes having to reduce it to one when supplies got too scarce. He would regularly travel to bring supplies to the islanders but sometimes he couldn’t do it as much as he’d like, Toue making travel very difficult.

Toue wasn’t the only hardship either. All the money he had that he was spending on goods for the refugees came from working with his parents. He’d gone back to them as soon as Toue took control and was surprised to see they’d wanted him back all along. He’d gotten back in touch with his little brother Theo as well and Theo had been really happy to see him again.

He’d even been able to talk them into letting him work from afar most of the time and things were going so well the peace couldn’t possibly last.

It didn’t, of course.

This last visit back home, his parents had been talking a great deal about marriage.

Nevermind he was still only nineteen, they were very interested in him getting married soon.

He had evaded the subject as best as he could and managed to not agree to anything without offending them but he knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. The next time he would go back to Germany, the topic would come back full force and he would have to deal with the consequences of refusing to get married.

Maybe he’d even get kicked out of work for that? Disowned? If that happened, he wouldn’t be able to keep supplying the islanders with food and other goods.

At least this time, he’d brought back enough to last a few months and with any hope, the war over the island would be over before then.

He barked out a short laugh at that thought.

Hope?

Pfft.

He was sitting on the floor of a deserted room, hugging his knees to his chest and staring at nothing in particular. He’d just come back from his latest trip a few hours ago.  After having everything delivered, he’d let Mink and his men take over the rest; now, he just wanted to be alone for awhile and breathe.

Normally he’d want to feel some violence on his person to feel more at ease.

A fight, the almost tangible pain of Rhyme or maybe even a rough fuck. Anything that was harsh enough for him to feel would normally make things marginally better.

But he was feeling too tired for that.

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his knees. Time passed as his mind was thankfully quiet for a bit. He could have fallen asleep, curled up in a tight ball like that.

Sounds he registered from outside kept his mind from completely shutting down. Footsteps approached the room he was in, gradually getting louder. The door creaked, announcing someone's presence.

“Noiz-san?”

He didn’t raise his head and just grunted in acknowledgement.

“Are you alright, Noiz-san?”

“‘M doing great. What do you want?” he said, his eyes still stubbornly closed.

“I was looking for you. Mink-san wants to see us.”

He groaned. He really didn’t feel like uncurling from his spot, actually sort of comfortable in the position he was in.

“Go back to him, I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”

“Um, Noiz-san, you know I can’t do that. That will only make Mink-san angry.”

“I’ll deal with it later.”

“Noiz-saaaan.”

The voice was now much closer to him. He sighed and raised his head to the gask mask in front of him. Clear probably wouldn’t leave him alone and even if he did Mink would just come and drag him up anyway so he might as well just unfurl fully and get up.

He sighed again. “Fine”

Even behind that gas mask, he could practically feel Clear’s smile. Clear offered him a hand, which he ignored as he got up.

“Fine, let’s go,”

“Alright!”

They walked together out of the room and went through the rundown hallway.

“You seem tired Noiz-san, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Well I did get off a plane recently, that could be it.”

“After we’re done with Mink-san, I could sing for you if you like?”

He grunted disagreeably, although the offer was very tempting.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you already have to sing all the time for everyone else. You’re the one who must actually be tired.”

“Oh, not at all, I don’t mind it. It’s really no problem at all!”

He shot a glance at Clear. Clear was most likely their most important soldier in this war.

He had been the one to explain to them the effects of the strange music Toue had been blaring over the Old Residential District and his own voice had been a ray of light in what had seemed to be a hopeless war. Not a day would go by since without his angelic voice being heard throughout the buildings. His voice didn’t only cure those afflicted by Dye Music, it also raised spirits and calmed people down in times where panic and despair were all too common.

When questioned about how he knew so much and about his special voice, Clear had said his grandfather used to work with Toue once too, just like Tae.

Of course, someone as weird, selfless and kind as Clear with such a powerful song couldn’t be human.

It was made all the more obvious when they’d first encountered unmasked Alphas. Clear had been stunned at first by his feelings of recognition when he’d seen their faces and later on had quietly admitted he himself was like them, not human.

The revelation hadn’t come as much of a shock to Noiz and, by Mink’s lack of a reaction, _he_ hadn’t been all that surprised by it either.

Afterwards, Clear would sometimes lament over not being human, which Noiz found ridiculous.

Even though Clear was made of metal and wires, he was also made entirely of feeling. He felt everything, from emotions to everything relating to the senses. He felt for others and could empathize with others completely. Clear could feel pain, something Noiz could only dream of feeling, something he chased through Rhyme, piercings and violent encounters with others. Clear could connect to the rest of humanity through shared sensations and emotions and thus reached humanity himself.

Clear was far more human than Noiz, far more than he could ever be.

Noiz had even told him as such once, when he’d gotten sick of listening to Clear ramble on about not being human.

Clear had been shocked by what he’d said. Sadness permeated the room for a moment too, and he momentarily seemed to be at a loss for words. Then, he had reached for Noiz' hand and talked to him in a soft voice.

_“Even if you can’t feel pain, your thoughts and feelings make you just as human as everyone else, Noiz-san.”_

Noiz hadn’t known what to reply to that and had just sat in silence, softly squeezing Clear’s hand back in his own.

Since then, he found he didn’t mind Clear’s company at all. He’d even come to appreciate it, even coming to sometimes enjoy the time he spent with the android before he’d realized it.

The one thing that still annoyed him about him, however, was the gas mask.

He already had an idea of what his face looked like underneath it, judging by what they’d seen of the alphas so continuing to hide it was stupid to him. Mink however, had told him that for the time being it was better to keep it this way as it could cause fear and distrust among the people to see an Alpha’s face on Clear. He still thought it was stupid to keep hiding it but whatever. When all this was over, he would convince Clear to take that fucking thing off.

They passed a room full of men tending to guns. He noticed a guy staring at him insistently.

Noiz stared back.

He looked vaguely familiar.

Maybe they’d fucked once?

He paused for a bit, then shrugged and caught up with Clear.

It didn’t matter. They probably did fuck and it was probably as underwhelming as every other fuck he’d had in his life.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“Yo, maniac.”

“Not a maniac.”

They were at the makeshift meeting room, Mink leaning against a wall and smoking out of his pipe, his Allmate perched on the chair Clear was sitting in.

Noiz was leaning on another wall, fiddling with the bunny cubes attached at his waist.

Mink let out a long breath, smoke clouding his face as he spoke.

“We went over everything you brought back. With two meals a day, the food should last about four months this time.”

“Yeah, like I told you.”

“Tae deemed the medical supplies satisfactory as well. She should be able to better tend to those injured in the last raid now”

“Good.”

Mink paused, taking a drag of his pipe. Noiz looked up at him.

It was impossible to go through all this shit and not have at least some respect for Mink. Mink had been the one who had managed to gather various Rib teams and even some Rhymers to work for him to fight against Toue. He had saved many of the islanders from being brainwashed and had gathered them all in abandoned buildings he had chosen as their new hideouts. He would lead attacks against Toue himself and always looked out after his men. He knew little of the man apart from what he’d researched of him but even Noiz had to admit he was a formidable leader.

Mink looked back at him, expression guarded, “It’s been two weeks since we brought down the transmission towers and Toue has yet to retaliate. He’s planning an attack on a scale we’ve never fought against yet. We need to be ready.”

Noiz raised an eyebrow at that. “Or he could be trying to recover from the blow we dealt him. This could be our chance to strike him while he’s still on his knees.”

Mink shook his head. “No. This is not the time to get arrogant, this is exactly when we should be at our most wary. Even though we came out victorious two weeks ago, Toue still has the upper hand, especially with the power of Scrap at his disposal”

Noiz frowned. They’d all found out months ago what had become of Aoba after he’d gone to Platinum Jail with Koujaku when Toue Inc had sent a video to everyone’s coil about Toue’s goals and visions. In it, a boy with ivory white skin, long, white hair and a very familiar face had appeared and been introduced as Toue’s son.

After that, reported sightings of Aoba weren’t uncommon. He would be seen in random places at random times, amusing himself by toying with people’s minds with his voice, often destroying them in the process. He was no longer the same Aoba they’d known and once they’d gotten Tae safe in the hideouts, she had explained there had always been “another one” inside Aoba and that she’d managed to suppress him with the headache pills she would give him.

Thinking of Tae too much made Noiz feel uncomfortable. The poor old woman must have felt awful, with her only grandson having lost his mind and joyfully destroying people at Toue’s side.

However…

“Aoba hasn’t touched us yet, though, and he knows what we’ve been up to. Toue hasn’t been able to get him to do shit to us so I’m assuming his control over Aoba isn’t as great as he’d like,” Noiz said with a shrug, “If he hasn’t bothered with us before, why would he start now?”

“Toue won’t let that continue for much longer,” Mink’s deep voice toned, “He will find a way to use Scrap against us, it’s only a matter of time. This is why I need your other set of skills now, maniac.”

Noiz looked at Mink with interest. “What information do you want me to get?”

“Now that you’re back, I want you to find out what Toue is planning next. I want you to gather as much information as you can on Toue’s side, even shit you think is useless could prove important and finally…”

Mink got off the wall and approached Noiz.

“I want you to find out what happened to Red”

“Koujaku-san?” Clear spoke up for the first time since they entered.

“The old man?” Noiz was confused now. Why did Mink care about what had happened to Koujaku?

Mink apparently deemed this worthy of an explanation as he went on, “I’ve heard from some of my people that have been near Aoba. He talks about being with Red a lot apparently. This means Red isn’t dead, but he is also never seen in public or at his side. If he is being kept in Oval Tower unwillingly, this could be useful. We could use an ally from the inside. It will also make it much easier when the time comes to reach Aoba”

Noiz still thought it’d be useless, even if Koujaku was alive but then Clear spoke up again.

“Oh, Mink-san, so you are trying to get Master back alive!”

Huh?

How did Clear get to that conclusion?

But to his surprise, Mink grunted in agreement. He’d gotten pretty good at telling Mink’s grunts apart and that was an agreement grunt.

Clear was excitedly bouncing on his chair. “Then what should I do, Mink-san? I want to help too!”

“You’re already doing a great deal, Gas Mask. Just keep singing and I’ll tell you when I need you to do something else,” Mink said with a nod towards Clear.

“Alright, I’ll sing as much as needed!” Clear said with determination.

Mink turned back towards Noiz.

“Any questions?”

Noiz simply shook his head.

“Good. We’re done now.”

Mink waved his hand and his Allmate flew to him. Then, with no further words or anything else, he briskly left the room. It was always like Mink, to say what he had to say and leave with no niceties or anything of the sort, he just got straight to the point and attempted to go no further than that.

Noiz sighed.

With the work he had to do for his family and now this, he would be pretty busy. It was fine, though, it wasn't anything beyond his abilities.

The added workload might merit an indulgence, though. Just for tonight. 

And the next one. Probably the one after the next one too.

Sighing inwardly at himself, he walked over to where Clear was still sitting and leaned over him. “Hey.”

“Noiz-san?”

“Is that offer still up? You singing for me?”

Clear let out an adorable giggle. Noiz could practically see the smile beneath his mask, “Of course! I’m happy you asked!”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your own worst enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aoba is very upset with Desire at the moment, being as hurtful as possible, but they're destined to reconcile (maybe?).

Desire suppressed a tired groan as he sluggishly walked around the white hallways.

The hallways of Oval Tower had recently gotten a large influx of guards and Alphas after Sei’s latest sabotaging stunt. Toue saw clearly he had enemies under his own roof that could bring in foes from the outside and upgraded security quite a bit. Desire had gotten used to the high number of men marching the corridors now, guns at the ready. Now that all of Platinum Jail had been brainwashed, the guests no longer had any objections to guards carrying guns.

Desire had no idea where he was going, walking aimlessly around, no particular destination in mind. He had half a mind to just go back to his room, kick Ren’s asleep dog body and bury himself in his bed but then he would probably be haunted by Sei again, who had nothing better to do with his life. Literally, Sei truly had nothing better to do.

These past two weeks had been hellish enough having to deal with Aoba constantly resurfacing over and over again and then, last night, Sei had invaded his dreams, as he would often do.

A deep frown upset his features as he thought about Sei, Aoba’s twin brother, previously unknown to both of them. Desire almost never visited Sei up in his nauseatingly bright room that looked like a pedophile’s wet dream but he didn’t need to, Sei would often appear in his dreams or project his consciousness in front of him somewhere in the tower.

One of the times he’d visited Sei was after his twin had sabotaged the successful creation of a machine that imitated the power of his eyes. Sei had asked Desire to destroy him that day. He’d also told Desire of his plan to destroy the tower by bringing together all of his scattered consciousnesses if he refused to grant him his wish. It had been a futile request, Desire could not bring himself to destroy the boy at all, feeling deep inside Aoba’s shared emotions for Sei. Instead, he had used his Scrap on Sei to keep him from using his own powers to destroy Oval Tower. Letting his twin go through with his plan meant Sei would die and he couldn’t allow that, his instincts still screaming that he needed to keep Aoba's whole being from going through the suffering of losing his brother. Sei had been very sad about being denied death but Desire couldn’t allow it.

And even beyond that, even if Sei was annoying and wouldn’t let him sleep, he still didn’t want him to die. It must truly have been Aoba’s own emotions that made him feel this way as there was no other reason for him to feel like this, the life or death of Sei shouldn’t have mattered to him. It was weird, to say the least.

Last night, Sei had visited him to ask about Reason’s recent appearances. It was the last fucking thing he wanted to talk about to anyone so he’d politely told Sei to fuck off and Sei, being fucking Sei, had smiled with genuine kindness at him and tried to hug him. He’d managed to slip out from his embrace and Sei had said, “You should try to talk to him, you know. This could lead to what you’ve always wanted.”

“I don’t want to fucking talk to him. I want to crush him, I want him to be gone already. I’m the one in charge now,” He’d replied angrily.

“But being the one in charge like that is awfully lonely, isn’t it? And it’s not what you truly want right? That’s never really been what you wanted,” Sei had patiently said.

“What the hell would you know about what I want? How the hell could you know anything about that? We just met a few months ago.”

“We have a very deep connection, though, and I’ve watched you for a very long time. I know crushing each other isn’t what you or Aoba truly want, and you shouldn’t keep trying to do that,” Sei had said in his soft voice.

“Pffft, you should tell that to him then. You should hear the shit he says to me when he manages to get in control. I kinda doubt he wants us to be together forever and live happily ever after like you’re suggesting.”

It was true. Reason liked to lurk the back of his mind now, and he could hear and feel Reason’s thoughts towards himself.

They were lovely.

_“You’re horrible. How could you break that boy’s mind in that alley like that? He was probably only about fifteen and he was terrified! How could you?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”_

_“Koujaku doesn’t love you. How could he? You use him like a toy and you actually enjoy that his mind is broken. The things he does with you are out of instinct and anger, he can’t love you.”_

_“That couple you broke. You couldn’t stand seeing them in love, could you? Because it was something someone as awful and vile as you could never have, right? So you had to break them.”_

_“I understand now why you like Koujaku with a broken mind. If he was in his right mind, he would be utterly repulsed by you. He would hate you.”_

_“You love the rush of power you feel when you break someone’s mind, huh. You don’t feel a shred of guilt for what you do to others, either. How could you ever expect someone like Koujaku to love you?”_

Desire pressed one of his hands to his face and leaned against a wall. Not even Koujaku’s arms could bring him comfort as Reason would be at his strongest during the times he would be with Koujaku, and the things he would say and feel would _sting_.

It wasn’t at all how Sei said it was. Sei talked of love and unity and all sorts of cute bullshit but that wasn’t how things were. Reason hated him. He had no choice but to fight back just as ardently. Yet he was getting nowhere. He wasn’t any closer to getting rid of Reason as he was two weeks ago. In fact, his efforts almost seemed to be working against him. It was as if the harder he tried to crush Reason, the harder Reason fought back against him.

What could he do? At this rate, he was going to be consumed again and he would be suppressed, locked at the back of Aoba’s mind again.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply to calm himself.

Amidst the guards, he heard two sets of footsteps approaching him. He almost tripped on his own feet.

Fuck, the not-twins, fuck.

He tensed up immediately and had to fight with himself not to outright bolt, his heart racing. He really wasn’t in the mood for them. He was never in the mood for their shit.

He fidgeted uselessly, not knowing what to do. This was the worst timing to nearly have a meltdown.

“Aoba-san.”

Oh, wait.

That voice.

It wasn’t Virus.

He opened his eyes and looked over.

Two Alphas were looking at him with curious expressions.

Oh, thank god.

He had to stop himself from sighing with relief. He put on a nonchalant expression and looked at them pointedly, waiting for them to continue talking.

“Master is looking for you,” One of the Alphas simply said.

Of course. Why else would they approach him?

“Oh,” Desire rolled his eyes. Now what did that old geezer want? “Take me to him, then.”

He followed the Alphas through white corridors as he idly wondered what Toue required of him. Likely something to do with the rebels. Threaten him a little, maybe. Probably.

He was in a very foul mood so whatever threat Toue had in mind would be very ill received.

They eventually arrived at a white door, similar to every other door in the damn tower. One of the Alphas knocked.

“Come in,” a calm voice commanded from the other side of the door.

They entered the room. Spacious. Predictably white. A white desk in the middle, with Toue behind it. Two chairs in front of it.

Desire walked to the desk and stood in front of it, posture saying he wanted to make whatever Toue wanted quick. The Alphas took their place at Toue’s sides.

Toue smiled at him, that same condescending smile of always.

“Aoba-kun, I am happy to see you. Please sit.”

Desire remained standing and shook his head.

“I’m fine like this. What did you call me for?”

Toue reclined in his seat and brought his hands together in front of him.

“The Rebels have not made any moves these past two weeks. It’s like they are bracing themselves for an attack; an attack they might be very right of suspecting, I think.”

Desire rolled his eyes so hard they could have fallen out of their sockets. How many times did they have to go through this? He was going to to reply with a biting remark when Toue’s soft chuckling stopped.

"Oh, don’t worry Aoba-kun, that is not what I wanted to talk to you about, I just wanted to see your expression,” Toue said, smiling with all his teeth bared. “The real reason I called you in is because I want to conduct a small study on you, if you will allow it.”

Huh. A study? It had been a while since Toue had asked him to participate in one. As long as it wasn’t anything too invasive or annoying…

“What kind of study?”

“It is very simple. You would go about your day, entering and breaking people’s minds as you see fit as you always have, the only difference this time is that you would be followed by my people, who would study you as you freely use your powers.”

What? That was it? That couldn’t possibly be just it. There had to be a catch. That sounded much too easy and simple to be true.

“That’s it?” Desire asked, disbelief heavy in his voice, “Just people following me around while I use Scrap? Really? Nothing else?”

“Yes, that is it,” Toue said pleasantly.

Desire stared at him for a few moments. There still had to be a catch, especially with how he’d been displeasing Toue lately. He bit his tongue thoughtfully before talking again.

“Let’s say I agree. What exactly happens next?”

“You would go out of the tower as you always do to use your powers on whom you please, only this time you would be followed,” Toue leaned on his desk “By Virus and Trip.”

Desire froze completely.

Was this a joke?

He looked into Toue’s eyes, searching them. The old fuck seemed to be enjoying himself far too much for his words to be a mere coincidence.

Did Toue… know?

Desire swallowed thickly and found his voice again.

“A-and if I refuse?”

Toue tilted his head to the side. “Ah, Aoba-kun, you have been refusing many things lately. I must insist on this. It is a very simple study.”

Desire wet his lips, “What if I want people other than Virus and Trip to follow me? I’m not objecting to the study itself, I just don’t want those two to follow me around.”

Toue had a very amused look in his eyes.

“Why, Aoba-kun, I thought you got along rather well with Virus and Trip?”

Desire tried to keep his face as blank as possible. “They’re just really annoying.”

Toue chuckled again. “Well, that’s a shame, because they are perfect as your caretakers for this sort of study, so I cannot change them.”

Toue then spoke the next words deliberately slow, eyes locked with Desire’s.

“They are not affected by your Scrap, after all.”

Desire felt as if he had been doused in ice-cold water.

Toue _knew_.

Toue fucking _knew_.

Toue knew about his aversion towards Virus and Trip. How had he found out?

They must have told him something. There was no other way.

This wasn’t about any study.

This was a threat.

He could join Toue in his fight against the rebels or he would be at the mercy of the not-twins and he knew that’s how Toue meant it. He hadn’t missed Toue calling them his “caretakers”. He could see the threat for what it was.

This was the first threat that actually shook him.

If he was given to those two…

He knew he would eventually be subjected to all sorts of humiliating perversities, he had no doubt of it; perversities he would probably even enjoy and find pleasure in… at the hands of anyone else but them.

There was something inherently wrong with them that made his skin crawl, that made him want to be as far away from them as possible.

Desire knew about them growing up as part of a group of children with aptitude for Rhyme Toue had collected for research, both Virus and Trip had casually told him about it some time ago. That could have explained their disturbing qualities, but Desire had a feeling Nain had been among those children Toue had sequestered in his research facilities and, as much of a failure of a father as Nain had been, the man wouldn’t torture someone just for shits and giggles in the way Desire was sure Virus and Trip would. Those two had been Toue’s victims, sure, but that wasn’t what had made them immune to Desire’s Scrap.

He suppressed a shudder. No, he really did not want to be with them. Desire loved his power that caused destruction and people downright unaffected by his greatest strength were a definite threat he needed to be extremely wary of.

A sigh left his lips, a sound of resignation.

“What do you want to do with the rebels?” He asked dejectedly.

Toue slightly raised his eyebrows. Then he chuckled, a low, conceited sound. Any doubt there might have been that it had all been a coincidence would have fully vanished now with that display.

Desire just glared at him and let him have his victory. For now.

Toue finally stopped laughing and looked up at him, mirth in his eyes.

“Before anything, I am a man of science. Research is truly a thing of beauty and as such, getting my hands on such strong individuals would be wondrous for such purposes, hm?” Toue said gleefully.

Desire understood what Toue wanted.

“Mind broken or intact?”

“Oh, intact minds, please. That will make the game all the more interesting.”

Desire pressed his lips into a thin line. So this was it. The island would truly fall completely under Toue’s control now.

No ups or downs anymore.

Just the same boring monotony everyday.

With Desire slowly losing his mind.

 

\--------------------------------------------

Desire was back in his room, holding Ren’s Allmate body and glaring at it.

He almost wanted to turn on Ren, almost wanted to hear his voice again.

But for what? Restraint never liked him, and the dislike was mutual. There was no reason for him to talk to the damn dog again.

He sighed and threw Ren back to the corner of his room where he always was, next to Beni and Koujaku’s sword.

He went to sit on his bed and looked at the long, wooden box on his bedside table.

That was where he kept it.

The box was almost never opened because what was inside hurt a bit to look at for some reason but he was already having a shitty day anyway and he felt like opening the box this time in a fit of contrariness.

So he did.

Inside was Koujaku’s hairpin, the one he always used to wear.

Why hadn’t he thrown it away? Maybe because it was something Koujaku always wore, so it must have meant something to him?

He picked the hairpin up and laid back on the bed.

Before he knew it, he started reminiscing while playing with the hairpin in his fingers.

Visions of silky, black hair danced through his head. His mind recalled the smell of cigarette smoke as he’d stare through a shared consciousness at a stunning, strongly-built man smoking on a veranda, crimson eyes dazed, lost in the night sky. He used to love those moments, when he’d felt the man had been at his most open, his most unguarded, and no one else got to see him like that, no one else got to see his eyes with that faraway look. It had been only for Aoba and Desire to see.

Aoba would then stare at his hands and drool over his beautiful fingers while Desire pretended to look the other way, trying to feel as indifferent as possible towards their once hero.

He’d met Koujaku back when he was still bickering inside Aoba’s head with Restraint.

Some boys had been pulling Aoba’s nerve-riddled hair and all he had wanted to do was _destroydestroydestroy_ -

Then the boys were being beaten back by a taller, darker boy. He’d looked at Aoba with such confidence and warmth on his handsome face that Desire had to shut up for a moment and all he could do was want. He didn’t understand back then what exactly he wanted of that boy but he wanted all the same. Aoba himself hadn’t even realized his true feelings for the boy, only Desire knew.

He even let Aoba think of him as a hero unironically, without any sarcastic quips of his own as he started feeling the same way towards him, as that older boy had paradoxically saved Aoba from other people and from loneliness as well. That boy made him feel like he could do anything, especially when he would say those words.

Do not give-

Ah but it didn’t matter. The boy left him, just the same as everyone else in their life. Aoba and Restraint both saw that it wasn’t because the boy wanted to or whatever but Desire couldn’t see past that. All he could see was that he left. Not much of a hero if he abandoned those he rescued to the same fate he’d found them in, huh?

But then after so many years of separation, the boy had come back, now a tall, ridiculously handsome man with a tan, muscled body and scars all over it but with the same warmth and smile he knew from so long ago.

Desire refused to open his heart to him again, refused to feel the only kind of pain he’d learned to hate. He hid behind a mask of cold indifference, letting Aoba obliviously get jealous whenever he’d see Koujaku surrounded by women and tolerating the “innocent” daydreams about Koujaku’s hands and what his skilled fingers would be capable of doing. Desire kept himself out of it, not being able to help himself sometimes and staring at his childhood friend through Aoba’s eyes but allowing himself no more than that. He didn’t want to expose himself and be so vulnerable again.

However, things changed drastically in Oval Tower, with Aoba losing Koujaku and realizing all too late all the years of love he’d actually felt for him.

Aoba’s last burst of yearning and despair had made it impossible for Desire to keep locking away all the accumulated love he himself felt for that wonderful man he’d desired ever since they were kids. Plus, no matter how much Aoba would try to deny it, he was one with Aoba and any love Aoba felt for someone, he would very likely end up feeling as well.

But he was Desire and so his feelings for Koujaku held an intensity that was destructive.

He had loved the old Koujaku, who would smile warmly at Aoba and held promises of shelter and tenderness in his arms, who would constantly restrain his own strength and hold his passions at bay to keep everyone he loved safe and comfortable.

But oh how he loved the animalistic, feral Koujaku as well, the Koujaku that didn’t hold back, that would carve out his passions and desires into other people’s bodies, putting his magnificent strength to good use and letting his instinct take over.

Desire loved all of Koujaku so fiercely he was often times feeling torn between wanting to destroy Koujaku or be destroyed by him.

He had often felt like nothing but a vessel for destruction, often felt like only destruction and pain could make him feel close to whole. Pain made him feel alive, so it only made perfect sense for the one he loved to be destroyed by him, or vice versa.

Desire didn’t know of any other way.

His eyes closed tiredly. He hadn’t slept well at all last night so a nap would do. Just a small one. He hoped at least this time, Sei would leave his dreams be.

He drifted off to the memory of half lidded crimson eyes on a handsome face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Vitri were heading for Toue's office back in chapter one? It wasn't for idle banter...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forfeited before they'd even started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clear can't hug Noiz without him rationalizing it in his cost-benefit world view and things drastically go downhill from there.

Noiz was restless. Anxiety was a very unwanted snake that coiled and twisted in his guts unpleasantly, keeping his eyes from finding any rest when closed. Not even Clear’s melodious voice was able to calm him down that night. He kept pulling at the strings of his green hoodie, his fingers twitching, and trying to curl up tighter onto himself. 

He couldn’t sleep. The gears of his brain kept turning, refusing to shut down for even a minute. He had been checking and rechecking in his mind the information he had gathered so far. Something wasn’t right.

He’d done all his information gathering from the Northern District, doing everything from afar, never approaching Platinum Jail too much to avoid any danger. From these past two days of infiltrating databases, listening in on private conversations and other less savoury spying methods, he had gathered the following:

This Aoba was constantly bored of the world Toue wanted to create and held no loyalty to him.

Toue and Aoba were often at odds with each other and rarely agreed on anything lately.

There was a boy being kept in Oval Tower by the name of Sei and he was extremely important to Toue. His eyes had powers similar to Aoba’s voice and he and Aoba were rumored to be twins. He checked these rumors with Tae and they were confirmed to be true. The inclusion of another Scrap user in Toue’s lines was fearsome but the fact that his powers had yet to be unleashed on the island suggested Toue had trouble using him as a weapon.

Koujaku was very much alive and was being held prisoner underneath Oval Tower. He was always referred to as “the beast” though, for some reason, only referred to by name by Aoba. Something must have happened to him, maybe he had undergone an experiment of Toue's gone awry or something.

Toue wasn’t too fond of keeping “the beast” around.

Two guys everyone always thought were twins were recently tasked with keeping a close eye on Aoba. Noiz already had a pretty good idea of who those guys were.

Aoba’s only loyalty seemed to lie with Koujaku.

The information had been somewhat useful, as Mink had said. It was hope, hope that they could bring even _this_ Aoba to their side, seeing as he was becoming more and more disenchanted with Toue. Things were looking up.

So why was it that he felt like everything was about to go to shit very soon?

“Noiz-san, you still can’t sleep?” a soft voice asked, interrupting the song he'd tuned out minutes ago.

Noiz looked over at Clear, who was sitting at the foot of his makeshift bed and had stopped singing.

He sighed, “I guess I’m just not tired tonight.”

Clear tilted his head, gas mask unreadable.

“Hmm, it looks to me like you’re nervous,” he observed.

Noiz shifted a little and kept pulling at the strings of his hoodie, not saying anything. He _was_ nervous, but there was no need to announce it, especially if he had no idea himself  _why_ he was feeling this way.

Clear was silent for a moment, the gas mask always making it difficult to guess at what he was thinking. 

After a few minutes had passed, he made a little happy sound, as if he'd figured something out.

“I know! We can try just talking until you’re sleepy.”

“Huh?” Noiz shot a quizzical look at Clear.

Clear nodded his head, “Yes, this is good. We’ve been together for months but it occurs to me that I don’t actually know all that much about Noiz-san because we don’t really talk too much. This is a good opportunity to do just that!”

Noiz let out an aggravated sigh. He didn’t really feel like talking, he’d never really felt like talking to begin with but he also didn’t feel like telling Clear to leave.

This was stupid. He’d told himself as a boy he would live life alone without anyone else and now here he was, in the company of an excitable and very human-like android that would sing him to sleep some nights like a baby and now wanted to have a conversation with him.

It was really stupid.

But he might as well endure a bit of talking. It might keep his mind off whatever he was feeling at the moment.

He let out another long sigh, trying to make it sound as if he really hated the idea but was going to humor Clear anyway.

“Fiiine. What do you want to talk about?” he asked in a bored voice.

Clear fretted a little, “U-um, I didn’t think this far? Um…”

Noiz rolled his eyes and stared at the wall in front of him, a part of him already expecting an answer like that from his air headed companion. He busied himself with tugging at the strings of his hoodie until Clear spoke again.

“Alright, I got it. So, Noiz-san, what iiiiiiiis… your favorite color!”

“Green.”

“Really? Ah, well, you do wear a lot of green, so that was likely to be your favorite. Mine is yellow!” Clear said enthusiastically, holding up the yellow scarf he always wore to show it to Noiz.

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

Another moment of silence fell, stretching for a few seconds. Then, Clear’s voice filled the room again.

“So, I can assume your favorite animal is the rabbit, right? From your Allmates and your rabbit-themed accessories.”

“Yeah,” Noiz replied without looking at him.

“What do you like about bunnies, then?” Clear asked cheerfully.

“Huh?”

“Describe what you like most about them.” Clear said.

Noiz paused to think about that, not thinking of himself as the most descriptive kind of person. He shrugged, trying to give it his best shot.

“Uh, they’re really soft. And fluffy. And cuddly. Their long ears are cute and… Uuuh, they’re just cute, I guess?” He finished lamely.

Clear seemed happy with the response, however, as he nodded emphatically, “Yes, they really are cute and fluffy!" He chuckled, his laughter cute like small bells ringing gently, "That’s why sometimes I would think Master looked a little like a bunny.”

Noiz had to laugh at that himself. “Aoba? A bunny?” Then he thought about it some more, his mind bringing up some great images to the front. Aoba in a sexy bunny costume with tights and heels, blushing an adorable light red, a set of bunny ears on his head. Nice. “Yeah, that could work. Could work really well, actually.”

Clear laughed a little more and continued talking, “Master truly is cute. I’ll be so happy when we bring him back home!”

Noiz had to stop himself from wincing at that. _If we bring him back home._

Clear picked up the conversation where they’d left it, bubbly as ever, “My favorite animal is the jellyfish. That’s why the song I sing is the Jellyfish Song.”

Noiz looked at Clear now, raising an eyebrow at him. “Jellyfish? Why jellyfish?” That was an uncommon animal to pick as a favorite.

He could practically see Clear beaming behind his gas mask as he replied, “They sway so peacefully in the ocean and they’re transparent, too. I really like transparent, shiny, see-through things.”

This was actually a little interesting. It brought to mind all the times Noiz had seen Clear stare through plastic crap at different angles for what seemed to be hours on end, Noiz simply shaking his head at what he'd seen as Clear needing to get his main system checked to see if he was still functioning correctly, “Is that why you hoard empty bottles all over the place?” Noiz asked with actual curiosity.

“Yeah!” Clear said brightly, “When this is all over, I want to add them to my bottle collection back at grandpa’s house. It’s getting pretty big.”

Noiz hummed, many things he'd noticed about Clear making a lot of sense now.

“What do you think about gemstones, then?”

“Gemstones?”

“Yeah, extremely shiny, bright stones that are kinda see-through at certain angles. They’re really bright under light, like stars. They come in many colors and you can also see more colors in them when they shine.” Noiz tried to explain but felt short. It only served to showcase how much he sucked at describing things.

But Clear still _oooohed_ at that description like it was the most amazing thing he’d ever heard.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a gemstone before, Noiz-san, but they really sound beautiful. I’d love to see one someday!” Clear said happily.

“I could bring you some.” Noiz offered nonchalantly.

“Eeeeh, Really? Noiz-san...” Clear leaned closer to him with a gasp.

“Yeah. I could bring you a few in a some different colors and shapes, too. You could have a really small collection of those.” Noiz thought Clear would especially like yellow gemstones, and made a note of that in his mind for future reference.

“N-Noiz-san...”

Noiz jumped up at the trembling he heard in that voice. Shit, was Clear _crying_?

“O-oi, Clear…”

Then suddenly, Clear pulled him in, arms encircling his frame, and held him tight.

Noiz squirmed wildly and glared incredulously at Clear, his mind uncomprehending, being completely unused to whatever this was.

_What is Clear doing?  What does this mean?_

“C-Clear, _what the hell?!_ Let go of me, idiot…!”

Clear just kept holding him in his literal metal grip and rubbed his gas mask all over his hair. babbling nonsense.

“N-Noiz-san, you’re so kind!” Clear cried loudly, “Thank you s-o much! This means so much to me, I-I’m so happy…!”

 _Kind? Him?_ Clear was completely insane, “It doesn’t mean anything! It’s just some stones. There’s nothing to it, you moron. You can take it as repayment for the times you’ve sung for me.” Noiz still tried to weakly shake Clear’s hold off of him, this being a complete shock and him not used to being held _in the least._ Worst of all, this felt… good, somehow.

He could barely actually _feel_ Clear holding him but he could feel the _pressure_ of it and he liked that sensation on him. He also liked that it meant someone actually _wanted_ to have their arms around him; someone wanted to hold him with no ulterior motive, out of their own free will, which was something he hadn’t felt in...

He’d probably felt it as a baby but he obviously didn’t remember. 

Noiz usually provoked many reactions out of others and caused them to feel a variety of emotions towards his own person, most of them negative. Maybe it was in his nature to instigate hostility or perhaps it was in the way he had to raise himself from a very young age. Whatever it was, his lifestyle was such that simple affection was something completely alien to him, setting his emotions in turmoil and leaving him utterly confused, with no idea of the meaning behind the unexpected tenderness or what he should allow himself to feel.

He wasn’t completely sure he actually wanted Clear to let go.

He still put up a token resistance but thankfully, the android was still holding him tight.

This was just gratitude, after all. If Noiz thought about it, it didn't deviate too much from how everything else worked. Clear felt gratitude towards him, so he exchanged physical affection as a reward for what Noiz would give him in the future. It still fit with how the rest of the world worked, how everyone did for others what benefited them, adjusting their actions according to the cost.

Even so, being held still felt... good. Noiz didn't mind if it was just from gratitude, it still gave the sweet illusion of being cared for, even if it was for just a short moment.

Clear sniffled.

“It’s still something you thought of doing for me, because you knew I would like it. That’s very sweet of you, it’s-”

Noiz never got to hear the rest. 

It was as if Clear had been cut off mid-sentence, the android's whole body suddenly tensing up. He was deadly quiet for a few long seconds, utterly immobile, seeming to be listening to something only he could hear. Noiz could only stare at the gas mask, failing as always to see through it, anxiety peeking behind his guts again. Another second passed and Clear's head jerked up, startling Noiz. Without a single warning, he abruptly let go of the blond and jumped to his feet at lightning speed.

Noiz didn’t have time to mourn the loss of Clear’s embrace. He got to his feet as well, the feeling of dread that had left him while he was talking to Clear now back at full force.

“Clear, wha-”

“Master.”

Clear stood rigidly, his head tilted to one side.

“I can hear his voice. He’s close by and he’s-”

Clear’s body then tensed again and he gasped.

He was bolting out of the door after that, Noiz running after him.

It had happened before, Clear hearing Aoba's voice, especially when the boy would use Scrap, but it had never brought on the state of alarm Clear was now in. 

“Clear, what’s going on, what is it-”

“We have to get to Mink-san, quickly! We have to warn him, we have to get the people out of here somehow…!” Clear hurriedly said over his shoulder.

“Warn him- Warn him about what?” Although he asked, Noiz had a pretty good idea of what they were supposed to warn Mink about.

They got to the stairs, Clear jumping over a whole bunch of them and yelling up at him what he'd suspected.

“Master is coming!”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

They’d gotten to the room Mink slept in and Clear hurriedly explained what he’d heard: Aoba using Scrap on Mink’s men that were patrolling for night duty.

Aoba was surrounded by many men himself and his voice would get really loud at times, he was probably using a megaphone or something of the sort.

Noiz knew this had been what Mink had feared all along, for Toue to find a way to use Aoba against them. They would be powerless against his voice, completely at his mercy. The Aoba they once knew barely had any idea of how to use his powers and didn't like the idea of using them but this Aoba was an expert, being able to control numerous people at once using his voice with terrifying ease. There was very little they could do against such a fearsome opponent.

“We’ll barricade,” Mink said roughly, “We’ll barricade in this building and throw out our explosives.”

“But that could actually kill Master!” Clear cried, “We can’t do that!”

“Gas Mask, there _is_ no other way,” Mink said in a low voice, “We can’t afford to fall, we’re all that’s left between Toue and the rest of the world,” His somber gaze narrowed on Clear, his jaw tight, “Do you understand that?”

Clear whimpered behind his mask, “I don’t want Master to die. Is there no other way? Maybe we could still talk to him and have him join us?”

Noiz thought it might be way too late for that and by Mink’s sigh, he wasn’t the only one sharing that opinion.

Still, Mink's reply was surprisingly patient.

“I’ll see what we can do, Gas Mask, but I make no promises.”

Clear lowered his head and nodded slowly, “Yes, Mink-san.”

Noiz could see the look Mink shot Clear and he knew what he was thinking. If in the end they had to kill Aoba, would Clear be able to stand it? Or would he try to put a stop to it?

Noiz himself was unable to let the idea of Aoba possibly dying sink in. 

No matter how changed Aoba was, even the thought of coming close to killing him was too much for his mind to process. The whole situation in itself felt surreal and strange, he had no idea how he was managing to be so calm through it all. It was as if his brain hadn't caught on with what was happening yet, explaining how his breath could still remain relatively calm and his heart wasn't beating too wildly yet. He wasn't imploding, and he almost wanted to pat himself on the back for that, surprisingly keeping himself together well enough even with talk of Aoba possibly dying floating around.

“Maniac,” Mink called out to him, “Tell the men to get the explosives out and get into defensive positions. I’ll…” Mink paused, “I’ll go talk to Tae.”

Noiz shuddered. He was so glad he wouldn’t have to be present for _that_ conversation, preferring to order terrified ribsters around any day over delivering Tae the godawful news.

He silently wished Mink good luck as the tall man left, feeling his respect for him grow even more.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

There had been no need for them to worry about whether they’d have to kill Aoba or if Clear would be able to handle it.

They had already lost before Aoba was even in their line of sight.

They couldn’t see Aoba but Aoba could see them perfectly. He must have carried a scope with him along with his megaphone.

Noiz, Mink and Clear were standing behind two rows of men with guns drawn and a bag of small explosives between them. All guns were pointed outside through all the holes on the walls Mink had made months ago in the chance they’d someday have to make such a stand. They had even more men on the sides, ready to fight at any given moment.

All their preparations proved to be completely useless when they heard Aoba’s voice, Aoba’s voice reverberating with the power of Scrap. 

“All of you. Point the barrels of your guns at each other. No gun is to be pointed at either Mink, Noiz or Clear. Everyone else is fair game.”

Noiz had watched in silent horror as Mink’s men all automatically changed their positions, like puppets whose bodies were being moved by invisible strings, aiming their weapons at each other instead of outside the building. They all looked horrified as their bodies no longer obeyed their own commands, gasps of shock rippling among the ribsters. The men visibly struggled and strained against their imposed positions to no avail, many of them unable to hide their trembling from visible fear. Their bodies were no longer their own, subjected to Aoba's voice and for him to command as he saw fit.

Mink was standing utterly still, watching without blinking, barely breathing.

Aoba spoke again, voice normal this time.

“Hello, Mink, long time no see. I can tell you had quite the counterattack prepared for me. I wouldn’t expect any less of you.”

Mink remained as inscrutable as a rock but Noiz could tell he was listening carefully.

“I’m going to be really nice tonight and give you two options, Mink. Very few get the power to choose when faced against me, so you should feel honored.”

Aoba paused for a moment, only to continue talking lightly, as if what he was saying was as interesting as the weather.

“You can choose to keep fighting against me. You have weapons that fire at a distance that can get to me and my group of guards and I won’t use my voice against you. However, this will lead to all of your members killing each other right in front of you. Can you really do that, Mink? I remember _reaaally_ well what you ordered your men to do to Aoba the first time he met you and how you knocked all of a man's teeth out for disobeying you right in front of us, so I know you're ruthless, but how far are you truly willing to go, Mink?” Aoba’s voice lifted playfully at Mink’s name.

Noiz could see Mink’s fists shaking slightly.

“Ooor,” Aoba dragged out the word teasingly, “You can surrender yourself and your closest allies to me. By closest allies I mean Noiz and Clear, of course. If you do this, I won’t touch a hair on any of the other refugees’ heads. They can keep rebelling, for all I care. All I would need is the three of you to submit to me. If they don't all agree to follow through, force them to, you're good at that. Simple enough, huh?”

Aoba let out a small breath, “So, what will you choose, Mink?”

Noiz grit his teeth. This was no choice at all and Aoba had to know it all too well.

He had spent enough time with Mink to know the man’s decision. Mink, who always made sure his men were treated fairly and justly. Mink, who was ruthless and would often seem cold-hearted and uncaring, but who always looked out for his men’s safety and well-being.

Aoba definitely knew what Mink would do.

It came as no surprise at all when Mink lowered his head and walked towards the entrance of the building.

There had never been any other choice for Mink. There was a big chance Aoba wouldn't actually go through with what he'd said, that even this unhinged version of Aoba wouldn't be capable of causing a massacre of such proportions but Mink couldn't afford to risk it, always having valued the lives of the men under his command.

It went without saying that Noiz would turn himself in, as well.

He shared a look with Clear. Though he couldn’t see his eyes behind the gas mask, he knew Clear's choice was the same as his own.

They both silently followed after Mink.

“Mink-san!”

“M-Mink-san…”

Some men called out to Mink but he ignored their voices, opening the door that led outside the building, Noiz and Clear behind him.

Aoba wasn’t interested in destroying them. He'd specifically wanted to capture them.

Noiz couldn't even shudder when trying to imagine what his new life as an Oval Tower prisoner would be like.

At that moment, he felt completely numb.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

They arrived at Oval Tower in a car, the three of them with their arms shackled behind their backs and a chain tying their feet together, severely restricting their movements. Aoba had dismissed the men accompanying them and had led them down a series of white corridors that all looked the same, all patrolled by many gun-wielding guards or Alphas. From where they had entered, Noiz assumed they were in the lowest levels of Oval Tower.

Finally, they reached a long hallway with a giant metal door by the end of it and two very similar looking blonds. They could be twins.

Noiz recognized them. He’d seen them around the Old Resident District a few times, before this whole mess had started. They were the ones who’d been assigned to keep an eye on Aoba.

If his stalking skills had been correct, they used to be the boy’s friends.

Aoba did not look pleased at all to see them, however.

“Virus. Trip. What the hell are the both of you doing here?” Aoba asked with a scowl.

The slender one with glasses ( _Virus, yeah that one was Virus, he remembered_ ) smiled pleasantly at Aoba.

“Good evening to you too, Aoba-san. We’ve been tasked by Toue to retrieve your companions’ belongings here.”

“And something else.” The big, sturdy one ( _Trip_ ) added with a lopsided grin.

Aoba huffed irritably, “That geezer could have told me to get rid of their shit myself. He didn’t need to send you two to do it.”

“Aah, but Toue insisted _we_ take care of it,” Virus said, his smile never faltering, “So we must do our job properly, Aoba-san.”

Aoba sighed irritably, evidently wanting nothing to do with them but stepping aside, probably thinking it was best to get it over with quickly, “ _Fine_ , get on with it.”

The blonds stepped towards the prisoners and set to work.

Noiz’ Allmates were removed from his waist and his coil from his wrist. Trip’s big hands patted him all over, looking for more things on his body but finding nothing.

His hoodie was ripped from him too, rather violently and unnecessarily, leaving him in his black undershirt.

“I guess you can keep those on,” Trip said as he poked one of Noiz’s piercings with a shrug.

Noiz already felt uncomfortable, being used to many layers of clothing covering his body but he might as well get used to discomfort, being locked up promising much more unpleasantness to come.

Next to go were Mink’s pipe, coil and weird, one-sleeved coat. Mink didn't budge as his coat was ripped off, keeping himself unreadable and distant.

The pair then went for Clear and rummaged around his lab coat pockets, coming up with an umbrella, a knife, pens, papers, a stuffed jellyfish…

“It would be easier to just remove his coat instead, don’t you think?” Virus said airily to

Trip, who nodded as he ripped Clear’s coat off his arms. They took his coil and scarf next.

Finally, Virus went for the gas mask.

“N-no!”

Clear jerked violently backwards and tried to get as far as possible from Virus’ fingers.

“Please don’t touch my mask…” Clear pleaded in a small voice.

Virus had an expression of very false concern on his face.

“I’m very sorry, but Toue ordered us to take your belongings and we must do our jobs. Please understand.”

Clear trembled slightly, shaking his head. Noiz was getting angry.

“I-I’ve never taken my mask off, m-my face…”

Virus smiled charmingly at him, “There’s always a first time for everything.”

Noiz was seriously pissed now.

“Leave him the fuck alone.”

Virus turned towards him, an eyebrow raised in mock surprise.

“His mask is of absolutely no use to you,” Noiz said, “There’s nothing to gain from having it and there’s nothing to lose from letting him keep it.”

He could feel everyone in the hallway staring at him.

Virus let out a small laugh.

“That might be true, Noiz-san, but we are not the ones deciding this. These are Toue’s orders.”

Noiz had to stop himself from jumping up. _He knows what I’m called?_

Virus tilted his head towards Clear. “Trip.”

Trip nodded and as if on command, gripped Clear’s body tightly from behind.

Noiz’ previous surprise quickly shifted back to anger again as he watched Virus’ fingers remove Clear’s gas mask.

A beautiful, almost feminine face was revealed. Sad, rose eyes bright with unshed tears were uncovered; soft, pale lips slightly parted and trembled. There were two tiny moles underneath the pretty mouth, on the right side.

Noiz growled under his breath. He’d wanted to see Clear’s face for a long time. Even though he knew it would look like an Alpha’s face he’d still wanted to see it. It was _Clear’s_ face, bubbly, cheerful, Clear’s face so even though he’d already known what it looked like, he’d still wanted to see it.

But not like this.

Not with Clear looking so broken and defenseless. Not with him barely holding back tears. 

There was nothing Noiz could do, either. He was just as powerless as Clear was in this situation, unable to do much else but glare at Virus and Trip, his own helplessness a new, bitter reality.

Aoba’s voice broke through his thoughts from behind him.

“So he really is a defective Alpha prototype after all,” Aoba murmured softly.

Clear winced.

Noiz turned around to shoot a venomous look at Aoba. Aoba stared back at him, seemingly confused by his anger.

“What?”

“Don’t call him that. Don’t talk about him like he’s not fucking there,” Noiz was almost shocked by his own anger. Why did he care so much?

Aoba scoffed at him, a smirk on his face, “Are you for real? Have you forgotten you three are prisoners? Are you seriously asking your jailer to consider your precious feelings?” Aoba laughed, “I never would have expected this from _you_.”

Noiz exhaled hard through his nose, feeling more than a little stupid. As much as he hated to admit it, Aoba was right, what he’d just said was ridiculous. They were prisoners. How they felt was the least of these fuckers’ concerns. He almost felt embarrassed by his own outburst.

Virus and Trip exchanged looks, their eyes filled with amusement.  A tense moment of silence passed, Noiz fuming internally, keeping his eyes on Clear, who looked dazed, eyes still sad.

When the silence had stretched for too long, Virus spoke.

“Well, as entertaining as all of this was, we must take our leave now. We leave the other two prisoners to your care, Aoba-san.”

“Bye-bye, Aoba,” Trip said as he held Clear by the shoulders and led him opposite of the metal door.

“Oi,” Aoba called out, “Where are you taking Clear?”

Trip looked back to Aoba, “We told you, we were taking the prisoners’ things and something else.” He jerked his chin towards Clear, “ _This_ is something else.”

“Toue wants to inspect this one up close himself,” Virus explained, “He’s very special, you see. He might look like his brothers but he is _very_ different from them, so Toue wants to try all sorts of things with him.”

Noiz felt something in his chest sink. So Clear would be gone, he wouldn’t be imprisoned alongside Noiz and Mink. He would be taken in by Toue personally and experimented on for as long as the old fuck felt like. Noiz wouldn't see Clear again for an unknown amount of time. It could even be the last time he'd ever see him, he had no way of knowing. Clear might not even be the same anymore by the time Toue would be done with him, there was no way of knowing what would happen to him. It was the most uncertain of farewells there could be.

Aoba didn’t look pleased with the new turn of events either. He sighed resignedly and looked at Clear.

“Goodbye, Clear.”

Clear, who had been staring into space the whole time, looked up at Aoba, eyes miserable, a soft whisper falling from his lips.

“Master…”

Clear was then pulled along by Virus and Trip, down the white hallway.

He kept looking back over his shoulder as he was dragged away, his feet visibly reluctant in their movements.

Noiz then belatedly realized with a new surge of rage that the whole removal of Clear’s mask in front of everyone hadn’t even been necessary. Virus and Trip were going to take Clear away anyway, they could have gotten rid of the mask privately. The two assholes had done it in front of an audience just _because_.

Why? Was it to cause Clear as much pain as possible? Or to unnerve Noiz and Mink? All three? Or something different altogether?

Noiz festered in his own anger. It was to be expected that they wouldn't just be imprisoned in this overly white hellhole, they'd be toyed with for their jailers' amusement, too. The only good thing  about not seeing Clear for an indefinite amount of time was not having to witness what he'd have to go through to keep Toue entertained. For his own part, Noiz was sure he would be able to endure whatever Aoba had in store for him, unpleasant as it could be.

For now, he took a bit of comfort in the fact that he currently wasn't the only one in a shitty mood.

Aoba hissed angrily as he turned towards the metal door, muttering something about _not-twins_ and ripping their teeth out.

Noiz chanced a glance at Mink, who had been silent the whole time.

Mink’s face looked as impassive as ever, but his eyes.

His eyes told a different story.

He was angry too.

All three of them were fucking pissed, although probably for different reasons.

 _Good_ , Noiz thought. There were a lot of things to be pissed about.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

They entered what seemed to be a dungeon underneath Oval Tower. Noiz and Mink walked behind Aoba as they were led to their respective cells.

They passed the first cell.

A deep, guttural growl resounded in the dungeon.

Both Noiz and Mink stopped walking completely, curiosity getting the best of both of them and they had to peer into the blood stained cell.

The sight before them was incredible.

Noiz froze, his eyes widening and his jaw dropped. Besides him, Mink let out a whispered word in a language he didn't recognize.

The creature inside the cell looked like it had been ripped from a strange legend, a fantasy or story of some sort. It was someone that looked like a hybrid between a human and some kind of beast, his breathtaking appearance almost demon-like.

He was standing tall and he was _huge_. His tanned skin, covered in scars, ink patterns and red blooms (peonies, Noiz recognized as his mother had been into expensive flower arrangements), spread across large, taut muscles. His powerful-looking arms ended in huge clawed hands, with the nails’ tips dyed a suspicious red. His broad chest was heaving up and down from his labored breathing. The only thing covering his body was a ragged, white sheet hanging from his waist.

He had pointed ears and his face was partially obscured by a wild mane of long, red hair, similar to a lion’s. A heavy metal collar rested on his thick neck.

Noiz kept staring at the beast’s face. His eyes were completely red with golden irises, and his face…

Despite the snarling mouth that showed overly long, sharp-looking teeth, the beast’s face was handsome. Very handsome in fact, with a horizontal scar running across the bridge of his nose.

Noiz gasped.

He _knew_ that face.

It was the face of a man he’d met it now seemed ages ago. A Rib leader he’d enjoyed getting a rise out of and who he’d fought twice and he’d researched all there was to know about this man. This was normal of him, as he’d done the same with Mink but this fiery idiot in particular had held a bit more than a passing interest for him, mainly because of how insufferable he’d found him.

The man-beast in that cell was…

“Ah, I should have let you say hello to your old acquaintance as soon as we got here, how rude of me,” Aoba, who’s bad mood seemed to have completely evaporated, cheerfully called out.

Aoba walked back to Noiz and Mink, placed himself between them and held on to their arms.

“Isn’t he beautiful?” Aoba sighed as he lovingly gazed into the cell, “He is as you’ve never seen him. He is a true beast of desire and instinct now, governed completely by his wants and needs. Isn’t that right, Koujaku?” Aoba purred as he pressed his face to the metal bars.

Koujaku raised his face up slightly at the sound of his name, a small grunt of acknowledgement falling from his clenched teeth.

Aoba giggled happily at the beast and then looked to Noiz and then Mink.

“Come a little closer, Koujaku. Take a look at who I’ve brought to live down here with you!”

Koujaku stood still for moment and then slowly took a step forward. He paused again. He raised his face and looked as if he was sniffing something.

His eyes suddenly went wide and he immediately lunged forward with a deafening roar, clawing wildly in front of him but being stopped short by the collar around his neck, chaining him to the wall behind him.

Even though the beast was far from the bars, Noiz was still startled by the sudden attempt at an attack, looking warily at the transformed man in the cell, similar to a lion trying to maul its prey. What the hell had happened to him? Koujaku was almost unrecognizable, thoroughly looking like the beast out of some fairy tale, otherworldly and mythical and yet he looked so much like himself at the same time, his distinctive features still so visible amidst the metamorphosis. Something had very obviously gone wrong with the man and Noiz wasn't all that sure it was Toue's doing, either. Creating werebeasts somehow didn't seem to suit Toue's brand of mad science, especially with how much Toue disliked having to keep one in his basement. Noiz had the feeling something else had brought on Koujaku's insane transformation.

The sound of Aoba's happy laugh brought him out of his musings.

“Ah, that’s right! He was never very fond of you two, was he?” Aoba said with another giggle, “I’m sorry, Koujaku, I forgot how you felt about these two for a moment.”

Aoba then pulled on their arms and led them away from the cell.

“Now come, time to get you two to your own cells.”

As they walked, Noiz kept trying to look back at Koujaku, unable to get him out of his head.

The feral man was growling deeply, clawing repeatedly at the wall nearest to him.

 A disturbing thought crept up the blond's mind.

 His poor, tired brain probably took a hit from the rough night he'd had, because a part of him did find the beast beautiful.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the jailer's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding two chapters today! Keeping up with the holiday spirits or something.

Desire was in his bedroom in Oval Tower, trying to sleep, fiddling with his own sensitive hair strands.

A couple of months had passed after He’d captured Mink, Noiz and Clear.

He had initially feared a life without rebellion would be extremely boring but things had turned out better than expected.

Toue was still busy with his favorite plaything, Clear, and so he’d basically given Desire free reign over the two other captives. He could practically do anything he wanted with them, as long as he did not kill them of course.

He couldn’t deny it could be pretty fun at times and it helped keep his own mind from crumbling apart under Aoba’s relentless attacks.

Aoba was still a constant presence at the back of his mind but there were times he was thankfully quiet. Aoba never appeared during the times he was with the new captives, so he found himself visiting them often when he wanted a break from that presence constantly trying to take over him.

With Mink, things were extremely tame, but fun enough. He had started a sort of game the day he caught Mink following the movement of his legs a bit too intensely all the while he was rambling about Desire being a devil that misused Aoba’s body. That was when he’d realized cold, impassive Mink _lusted_ after him sometimes, all the while coming close to hating him in the same breath.

And so the game had started. He would provoke Mink, get him enraged despite Mink’s best efforts to keep his stoic facade. Then, when Mink couldn’t hold back his ire any longer, Desire would switch to teasing him and then he’d leave him. Alone, angry and completely unsatisfied. It felt like a bit of fun payback for that time Desire had to save Aoba from Mink’s men.

It was also stirring how Mink would start out rambling self-righteously about god and devils only to end up breathing heavily, intense gaze burning with desire and anger and all of it focused on _him_. It was tempting to give himself to Mink, to feel how different this man’s own passion and violence would be from his beast’s.

He wouldn’t, though. Desire was Koujaku’s, so when things were on the verge of going too far with Mink, he would leave and run to Koujaku’s arms.

With Noiz, he almost felt like one of Toue’s researchers.

He’d learned the blond couldn’t feel pain or pleasure one day when he’d been trying to get the boy to drop his emotionless act and Desire had felt almost devastated for him. He couldn’t imagine living without those wonderful sensations and he had set out to find pain in Noiz. He would take Noiz to an unused operation room close to the dungeons and would try out all sorts of things on him.

After experimenting with electricity, fire, ice, blades, needles and the like, Desire had gotten to know various things about Noiz. He’d learned the boy was nineteen, could only feel things on his tongue and that he registered as pleasure most things that would pierce his skin. Desire could understand that; he loved feeling his skin being pierced and torn as well. He’d also learned Noiz liked feeling pressure on himself, but he still couldn’t find the pain in Noiz, however.

Noiz was half-willing in these pretend studies, even making suggestions and requests at times like _“You should try with that really thick needle again, I think I almost felt pain from that.”_ and _“Do that thing with the fire and the glass again. It felt weird but good at the same time.”_ Desire would often oblige.

He’d seen Noiz’ naked body many times by now. It was toned and thin, the firm, slender muscles covered by soft but far from unblemished skin. Noiz had numerous scars on his hands but his body wasn’t devoid of them either. They weren’t like Koujaku’s thicker, reddish scars but thinner and some of them suggestive of very rough treatment during more intimate encounters. By the look of the scars, Noiz was used to very frequent violence on his own person and Desire had seen Noiz fight before through Aoba’s eyes. He knew Noiz was fast enough to avoid most hits from others. Many of these scars were likely from brutality Noiz allowed on himself.

Noiz’ scarred skin said a lot more about him than his mouth ever did.

Desire had been surprised but at the same time not really when he’d seen Noiz had piercings even on his cock. It did make sense for someone like Noiz, who registered piercing sensations as pleasurable, to pierce his dick as well. He sometimes idly wondered what it would feel like to feel Noiz’ pierced cock inside him but he doubted he’d ever find out. He liked Koujaku’s cock too much to stray and he’d never seen Noiz get hard anyway.

With Aoba trying to take over his mind all the time, Desire wasn’t spending as much time with Koujaku as he’d wished but they were never apart for long. As horribly jarring and nauseating as Aoba’s intrusions were, he always craved Koujaku, he couldn’t stay away from him for too long.

Right now, he couldn’t sleep because he’d noticed something about Koujaku.

Old Koujaku used to love his hair. He’d always made it clear he wanted to get his paws all over it and would often talk about it.

By that logic…

Beast Koujaku should have fucked his hair by now. He was supposed to be a beast of pure instinct that put his own pleasure before others’ comfort, but he’d never touched it. Desire’s hair had gotten very long over the months, it should have been a temptation impossible to resist but Koujaku still hadn’t laid a finger on it.

Was it Koujaku’s slow change back into a human that made him reluctant to run his fingers through his hair? No, he had never touched his hair from the start.

Desire was annoyed by that. He was supposed to be Koujaku’s and yet his beast had yet to touch the most sensitive part of Desire’s body?

He needed to make a point to remind himself to tell Koujaku to touch his hair next time.

Thinking about sensitive hair got him to think about Sei’s hair next. Did Sei’s hair still hurt as well? Sei’s hair was horribly short. It was above his fucking shoulders. Desire remembered how the thought of cutting his hair above his shoulders would bring Aoba close to tears from imagining the pain of it. What pain did Sei endure each time his hair was cut that way? Who was cutting it that short?

Desire’s chest tightened.

He let himself think of a Sei with long hair. Just for the hell of it, he imagined that Sei smiling, too.

Sei hadn’t visited him in quite some time actually. Had he finally given up on him?

Desire found himself hoping he hadn’t.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Once, when he had the boy lying down in the operation room, Noiz started asking questions.

“How did the old man end up as a beast?” he’d asked in a flat voice.

Desire, who’d been deciding between several scalpels, had turned to him, “Koujaku? Aoba failed with Scrap and broke his mind.”

That was partially true. Aoba _had_ failed with Scrap but _he_ wasn’t the one directly responsible for Koujaku’s broken mind, not really. Desire had Koujaku imprisoned and toyed with him for many days before Koujaku’s reason actually fell apart.

The one who’d truly been broken by that failed Scrap attempt had been Aoba himself.

Aoba had loved Koujaku so much that the realization that he had failed his precious best friend in his time of need had drove him mad with despair.

It was amusing how Aoba had ended up destroying himself with a power that was meant to destroy others.

Noiz hadn’t bought it, “That’s not the whole story. I’ve seen people broken by your Scrap before. They don’t usually bulk out and start drooling and snarling.”

Desire had hummed at that and wondered: should he tell Noiz?

For some reason, it hadn’t felt right. That was his beloved Koujaku’s story. It was something only Aoba, Desire and Koujaku shared.

Desire had shaken his head in the end, “That is only for Koujaku, Aoba and I to know.”

“It’s got something to do with his moving yakuza tattoos, right?”

Desire had raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise, “You know about that?”

“I’ve seen his tattoos moving and shifting sometimes when we pass by his cell,” Noiz had said, “That’s kind of a big giveaway those aren’t normal tattoos. As for him being yakuza…”

Noiz had looked pensive, as if he was sorting through something in his mind..

“The old man comes from a yakuza family from the mainland. He’s the illegitimate son of a once prominent leader, who’s now dead. The whole clan is dead, actually, the old man seems to be the only one still alive,” Noiz had paused for a moment, “There isn’t much information to be found other than that, though, it’s weird. I also know his blood type, birth date, dominant hand and the women he’s slept with. That last one I shouldn’t have bothered with, it’s practically the whole damn island.” Noiz had recited in an almost bored tone.

Desire had to shove down the little pang of jealousy he’d felt at that last comment, “Always knew you were a little creep.”

“I was in the information gathering business, it was routine. I did the same for practically everyone I came in contact with in case it would be useful later.” Noiz had said with a shrug.

“So you were paid to be a creep. That’s nice.”

“I guess.”

Noiz had stayed quiet for a time after that. Then, he’d asked more questions. Desire was surprised at his own patience when he’d found himself answering them indulgently.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cage is different but the feeling remains the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters added today! This one has Noiz trying to adjust to imprisonment with Desire as a jailer.

Noiz’ cell was the one next to Koujaku’s. The cell to the right side of Noiz’ was Mink’s. Noiz would sit curled up right next to the bars, trying to feel less caged in.

This was definitely the worst part of being held prisoner to him. Being locked up in a room and being thrown a tray of food with a carton of water by a guard twice a day reminded him too much of _home_.

He would feel like a child again, alone and unwanted by everything and everyone. He could tell he was constantly shivering, from the cold he could not feel or maybe from something else entirely.

Alone, with nothing to do, his thoughts would inevitably drift. He’d sometimes think of his parents or his brother and wonder what they were up to or if he sometimes crossed their minds. At other times, it was Clear’s gorgeous, tearful eyes, the prayers he could hear from Mink’s cell next to him at night or Koujaku’s feral beauty.

He would almost feel relieved whenever he’d hear footsteps and see Aoba’s white robes coming for his cell door.

They’d always pass Koujaku’s cell and Noiz always had to stare for awhile. The beast would always snap and growl when he’d catch Noiz’ scent or notice him staring but it didn’t stop the blond’s eyes from roaming all over the man. Sometimes he’d concentrate on the broad muscles, other times on his face, the days after on the tattoos moving across his skin and on other occasions, he’d try to take in the whole picture.

Aoba would laugh and make little quips about him enjoying the view or sometimes he would sigh dreamily and join him in staring at Koujaku.

Aoba’s reaction when he’d learned Noiz couldn’t feel pain had confused him.

Aoba had been in the midst of trying to scare him with threats of pain, all of which Noiz had rolled his eyes at or had a sarcastic remark to. Then, Aoba had done something that was supposed to actually be painful and Noiz had felt _nothing_.

When Noiz had told him what the deal was, Aoba had acted _heartbroken_ , as if he’d just told him the saddest thing in the world. Then, Aoba had grabbed his shoulders, looked determinedly into his eyes and said he would find the pain in Noiz.

Said to anyone else, that would have been a threat. Said to Noiz, who had suffered all his childhood from his inability to feel pain, it was almost… romantic. Or it would be, if Noiz wasn’t Aoba’s prisoner and Aoba couldn’t do with him whatever he felt like.

That was how he’d found himself on the receiving end of various experiments that tested the limits of his senses.

He would be lying on a table, naked while Aoba remained clothed. Aoba had been mildly surprised to see his pierced cock and would often look at it with curiosity but he would leave it alone. Noiz wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

He thought he should have been angry with how Aoba treated him or he should have tried to resist or at the very least feel uncomfortable to be prodded and played with like a toy.

But not being locked up for a while felt good, he wasn’t alone for a few hours and he could just try to _feel_ without thinking for a bit.

Aoba kept trying with zeal to find ways to hurt him and Noiz had to admit he sometimes came close to achieving it, sometimes making him feel something he could recognize as close to pain, but it was never truly there. What he did feel, however, was a bit of pleasure.

It wasn’t overwhelming pleasure, but it was enough to almost make this whole thing consensual. Sometimes, he’d even give this unhinged, pain obsessed version of Aoba some tips on what felt close to pain or what felt somewhat good.

He was also pretty unhinged and pain obsessed himself, after all. It made sense for the both of them to be fucked up together.

It was stupid of himself to be so eager to feel pain. He _shouldn’t_ wish for pain, he was _never_ going to feel pain anyway. He had told himself as a kid he could live alone and without ever knowing what pain felt like and that hadn’t changed.

This Aoba was just a reminder that Noiz was always meant to be alone. Even with everything Aoba did to him, even with the very clear interest Aoba showed in him, he still felt as hollow as ever.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

After talking about Koujaku’s state and the things Noiz knew about him, he’d asked  about the split personality inside Aoba.

Aoba had laughed, “Split personality, huh?”

Noiz had shrugged, “Yeah. I mean, you’re obviously not the Aoba I used to know and you keep referring to yourself as separate to Aoba.”

“That’s true. Different personality isn’t really accurate, though,” Aoba had said, “It’s more like, I’m another side of “Aoba”, the side of himself he doesn’t like and tries to hide from others.” Aoba had smiled bitterly at that.

“So you’re like his darker side?” Noiz had asked, raising an eyebrow.

“More like I’m his desires. His true, deep, desires,” Aoba had said in a lower voice.

Noiz had thought this over quietly. If this Aoba was the personification of Aoba’s true, honest desires…

Goddamn.

The old Aoba, who would blush and fluster at anything and everything, was actually into some really kinky shit.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Some nights, he could hear Aoba riling Mink up. He could hear Mink calling this Aoba a devil, demanding he return the real Aoba to his rightful body. This would get Aoba cackling like a madman and then he’d start flirting with Mink, his words sliding through the air like silk. Mink would order him to shut up and threaten him, and it would only spur Aoba on.

This would make sleep difficult for Noiz.

What _really_ kept him up though, were the times Aoba would slip into Koujaku’s cell.

He’d known the old man had a thing for Aoba back before Platinum Jail. The man was so protective of the blue-haired boy and would often steal glances at him with that _look_ on his face. That really dumb, infatuated look. Aoba hadn’t seemed to reciprocate the feelings though, and Noiz had even entertained ideas of hooking up with him sometime.

_This_ Aoba, though, who was supposed to be Aoba’s unrestrained desires, openly let his own ardor for Koujaku be known to everyone. Noiz would often hear the fond, loving words Aoba would tell the beast, the most repeated ones being  _“I’m yours, Koujaku”_ .

That wasn’t all he would hear.

Growling, snarling, chains rattling, skin slapping against skin savagely and most of all, Aoba’s unrestrained cries, moans and screams.

The sounds only fueled his imagination, and he didn’t know which part would turn him on the most: the thought of being Koujaku, being Aoba or being a voyeur.

It was no secret he found Aoba attractive. He’d kissed Aoba before and he’d been interested in him for more than a Rhyme rematch. Aoba had a delicate face with pretty eyes and plush-looking lips. He had a small, slender body Noiz would have loved to feel against his own and those tight jeans the boy chose to wear really accentuated his ample backside. He sometimes even looked like a girl from how cute he was.

But Koujaku...

As much as he’d disliked the old man back then, there was a good reason all the women on the island fell over themselves for him, and Noiz wasn’t made of stone.

That might have contributed to why he’d enjoyed getting Koujaku angry back then.

Koujaku had been handsome and eye-catching. The peek at his toned chest and abs the loose opening of his kimono would give had been a huge tease, making it oh-so-tempting to just go up to the man and pull his clothing open to reveal the whole thing. Not even being a beast had hurt his looks, and that annoyed Noiz. The old man was as good-looking as ever, just more dangerous and unfettered.

On the nights Aoba would visit Koujaku’s cell, Noiz would take his cock out of his pants and he’d pull violently at it, twisting and tugging his piercings jerkily with his fingers.

He didn’t get much sleep on these nights but it would keep him from thinking about Clear’s sad, pretty face; about how Clear had been the closest thing he’d ever had to a connection to someone. About how no matter how similar to him the current Aoba was sometimes, Noiz was still the same lonely, unloved, locked up kid he’d been back home.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shock of sensations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for dubcon and mentions of past abuse in this chapter

Curled up in a tight ball right next to the bars, Noiz constantly had to remind himself of the words he’d told himself as a kid, about living alone.

He’d tell himself he was _fine_ , he’d always been solitary, anyway. Imprisoned or not, it made no difference in the end, he’d never been all that social. There was no reason for him to feel so isolated now.

The combination of being locked up and alone would still set off something in him because it was utterly suffocating. There was nothing to do either, nothing to distract himself with which left him at the mercy of his own thoughts, unpleasantly repeating themselves in his head over and over. His body kept annoyingly shivering, too, unable to keep his bothersome trembling at bay.

The brief respites from his budding madness came in the form of Aoba’s visits, either to Koujaku’s cell or his own. Noiz had to laugh at himself, at how he was such a pervert that Aoba’s visits to Koujaku brought him relief and at how he also looked forward to being sliced up on an operation table like a complete freak, even feeling pleasure from it.

This wasn't surprising, he'd always been a freak, abnormal and aberrant and that had gotten him locked up in the past. Funny how he’d wound up in the same position once more, but this time his only glimpse outside of his cage came thanks to his abnormality.

He didn’t know how to feel about that.

Living without knowing pain should have been a great advantage on its own, Noiz had tried to think of it that way quite a few times as well but…

In the deepest corners of his mind, his darkest fantasies were all stained a bright red, with pain he furtively longed for but could only try to imagine.

It wasn’t just wanting to feel what he’d never felt before but if he knew pain, he could finally be like everyone else. Reaching others would be made possible and he wouldn’t be abnormal anymore.

It would also never happen. It was nothing but a fantasy he would rarely let himself sink into, the knowledge that it would never come to be tightening his chest too much.

Sinking his teeth into his kneecap wasn't enough to wrap himself satisfyingly in the self-hatred that loomed over him. The craving for roughness and mistreatment that often clung to him would have to be appeased the next time Aoba felt like visiting him.

For now, there was nothing to do but bitterly accept his current reality of having nothing to do but curl up next to his cell's bars, with nothing to draw him away from his own mind.

\--------------------------------------------

 

Desire was seething.

Were they even trying to be discreet? No, the Alphas probably didn’t give a shit about being spotted, they were just doing their jobs and Virus and Trip probably enjoyed getting a rise out of him.

These past months, ever since he’d captured his former friends, Desire had noticed he was being followed around practically everywhere. The only place he wasn’t followed into was the dungeons but otherwise he’d be followed even all the way to his own rooms.

He would notice either two Alphas keeping up with him everywhere he went or fucking Virus and Trip. He wasn’t even safe going outside the tower, they would just keep on following him.

This was complete bullshit. He’d done as Toue had asked, He’d captured the rebels and now _this_ was his reward? To be constantly stalked? He’d refused Toue’s offer of a study and the deal was he’d capture the rebels and no study would be made, damnit.

But this wasn’t for any study.

He knew why Toue was doing this. Toue didn’t trust him and was keeping his eye on him but what exactly he’d done now to gain this fresh wave of mistrust eluded him.

Not that he’d ever been particularly trustworthy but he wasn’t even _doing_ anything at the moment to warrant this sort of treatment and that pissed him off.

He was honestly trying to remember anything he could have done that would call for him to be followed everywhere but he came up blank. The only thing that would make sense would be if Toue had noticed Reason’s outbursts but those only happened in the dungeons.

…

Right?

Fuck.

Now Desire had his doubts. Had he somehow missed Aoba popping out somewhere in the open? Sometimes he’d black out and come back to himself and notice until much later, yes, but until now he had always been sure he always noticed.

He felt even angrier now.

That fucking idiot Aoba was jeopardizing _both_ of their existences if this was the case. He didn’t even want to think about what Toue would want to do with him if he realized Desire’s consciousness was being taken over by Aoba. Toue loved toying with consciousnesses and finding out about the split between Desire and Reason inside Aoba would be a delight to him. With both Virus and Trip being immune to Scrap, he could be forced into horrible studies and experiments, the kinds Sei had been subjected to when Toue had wanted to study his consciousness. Sei was prone to being suicidal as a result of Toue's agonizing research on him, Desire could barely imagine pain he'd gone through and he had a feeling not even _he_ would be able to feel any enjoyment from it if he was ever subjected to it. 

_It’s not fair Sei had to go through so much suffering and you’re here, living under Toue’s roof, only having to care about being followed and how to carve up Noiz next. How can you be so shameless?_

Desire resisted the urge to groan.

No, he did _NOT_ need this right now.

_Fuck off, Aoba._

He almost made to pull his own hair but stopped midway, knowing he was being watched. He fumed silently. At least Aoba had made a good suggestion of what he should do next.

Desire exhaled harshly and turned his feet towards the dungeons.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Noiz was staring up at him, light green eyes looking mildly confused.

“Bad day?” The blond asked, following Desire's movements warily.

Desire exhaled harshly, “You could say that.”

Desire had barely been shallowly slashing Noiz’ thighs with a knife with a serrated edge and then he’d stopped and thrown the knife to the floor in frustration.

This wouldn’t do today. He wanted to play with Noiz, sure, but he wanted something _more_ than their usual sessions. Desire wanted to draw out responses out of the boy that went far beyond mild interest and low pleasured breaths but he'd already tried countless times before without success, what would make today any different? He stared at Noiz’ face with a frown. Along with his muted sensations, it was as if Noiz’ own emotions were behind a veil as well. It did make sense, though, that what Desire did to Noiz could barely elicit an emotional response if he couldn’t feel it properly.

Huh.

It suddenly brought a thought to mind.

Desire’s favorite playthings truly were very different from each other.

It felt a bit wrong to call Koujaku a plaything as his feelings for his beast went beyond love but otherwise, the contrast was very noticeable.

Koujaku was a creature of passion that had gone through hellish pain and recently had his five senses enhanced through his monstrous transformation. Underneath his warm and caring persona, he was driven by instinct, with the need to feel and the need to tear and mark and subdue always repressed but now free to be indulged in as a beast.

Noiz had never felt pain. He could barely feel anything and as a result, his own emotional reactions were muted as well. Even if Noiz wouldn’t admit it himself, the scars all over his body told the story of a pain seeker that had likely undergone all sorts of aggression in his desire to feel _something_.

Both of them being so different might be part of the reason why they couldn’t stand each other.

Desire put his hand under his chin, thinking it over.

Koujaku and Noiz.

Their differences distanced them from each other, driving them apart, but at the same time...

Noiz could barely feel a thing but maybe, through his rage, Koujaku could make him _feel_ just a little bit. Subjecting Noiz to the claws of the beast for a short period of time could turn out to be _very_ interesting for everyone involved. Would Noiz be able to remain cold and unmoved in the face of Koujaku's wrath? Would that finally break his composure?

Desire widened his eyes and a grin slowly spread across his face.

This was a dangerous idea. Very dangerous, considering Koujaku’s deep dislike of Noiz, but he was sure he could stop Koujaku _just_ short of killing the boy with Scrap. That way, Desire might finally get to see some real emotion out of Noiz.

His grin was all teeth now.

Yes, this was going to be _fun_.

Desire looked at Noiz, who was now eyeing him with a distantly worried look on his face.

“So, I’m guessing you’re no longer in a bad mood judging by how insane you look.” Noiz deadpanned through his anxious gaze.

Desire beamed and brought his hands together happily, “You guessed right! Now get dressed,” he said as he helped Noiz off the table, “We’re going to go visit Koujaku.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Noiz felt his stomach twisting as Aoba opened the door to Koujaku’s cell.

He was vaguely aware of how fast his heart was beating against his ribs.

He could barely believe this was happening.

“Come on, now,” he registered Aoba’s voice faraway.

Outwardly, he knew he looked calm enough but inwardly, he was starting to become a mess.

Why? He wasn’t afraid of death and he knew he would never feel pain. What was so different about being torn apart by a beast? 

It made no sense for him to feel nervous. This would be like any other fight he’d ever gotten into, only with more claws. And teeth. And drool.

A better comparison would be getting mauled by a wild animal. He was going to experience that and, as expected, he would barely feel it.

Earlier, he'd been wishing for violence, too. What could be more violent than this? This was what he'd wanted, just deadlier and presented differently than he'd imagined, but it was stupid to feel aprehensive about it.

So why was his pulse racing?

Aoba took his arm and pulled him into the cell and his feet automatically moved, as much as he wanted to stay rooted to his previous spot. The white-haired boy closed the door behind them.

Noiz took in the sight before him.

Koujaku had been sitting on the floor at the back of the cell, his long legs covered by the long, white sheet he wore around his waist. He trained his red eyes on them, golden irises shrinking. He bared his long, sharp canines and his red mane made him look even wilder. The powerful muscles bulged and strained under his scarred skin and Noiz saw up close how the tattoos shifted and moved across it.

The blond didn’t have time to appreciate it.

Koujaku lunged at him with tremendous force, all teeth and claws and a deep roar coming from his chest. The thick, metal collar around his neck kept him from reaching Noiz but he kept pulling at it and Noiz anxiously wondered if Koujaku could be capable of snapping the chains holding him back clean off the wall.

“Just seeing you has him so agitated!” Aoba exclaimed excitedly, “It’s amazing how his feelings from before affect him even know. He just can’t wait to sink his claws in you.”

Noiz didn’t need to be told to know that to be true. He looked at Koujaku’s features as the beast kept growling and pulling at his collar. His usually handsome face was pulled into a snarl, razor-edged teeth on display, drool dripping down his chin. He noticed the tattoo that bent on the right side of his face as well that was half-covered by his red hair. His pointed ears peeked out of the disheveled red strands.

Noiz swallowed. Those canines looked so much like a lion’s or a tiger’s fangs.

Aoba placed a hand on his shoulder. “Well, he can’t reach you if you keep standing here. Go to him.”

Aoba really _was_ insane.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let him kill you. I’ll use Scrap to stop him when he comes close to doing it,” Aoba informed cheerfully, as if to calm him.

Noiz looked at the veins on Koujaku’s outstretched arms. He seriously doubted Aoba would be quick enough to stop the beast from ripping his guts out.

“Noiz, come on. Or…” Aoba looked up at Noiz with a smirk, “Are you scaaared?”

Noiz glared at Aoba fiercely but didn’t grace him with a reply.

Then, he saw with a certain amount of alarm that Aoba suddenly flinched and brought a hand to his own head.

Noiz was about to get mauled and Aoba chose just this moment to have a headache.

Now Noiz had no doubts Aoba wouldn’t be able to stop Koujaku from killing him. Noiz steeled himself. So this was how he was going to die.

Dying wasn't something he'd ever cared all that much about, he’d never feared death or anything of the sort but he never would have imagined he’d meet his end in a cell, being torn to shreds by a man that had been transformed into a beast.

Aoba opened his eyes, his brows deeply furrowed, and his patience seemed to have run dry.

Then, Noiz felt it.

“Noiz, go to Koujaku.”

Aoba’s voice reverberated inside his mind and his feet started moving.

Scrap.

Noiz took a step forward. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps.

Five steps.

A large, clawed hand reached out and pulled him forward by his shirt.

Noiz was thrown violently on the floor, and the huge frame of the beast covering him instantly. Koujaku’s face was inches from his. He couldn’t stop the yell that came out of his throat as the animal on top of him let out a deafening roar.

Koujaku raised his clawed hand and swiftly brought it down to Noiz’ chest. His shirt ripped in the process and-

He _felt_ something.

It was something close to pain, something that felt intense, almost like five knives digging into him but rawer, a deep pressure that tore into him in way a blade couldn’t. It left his normally dull nerves tingling with something like pleasure, shocking him.

He let out a loud sound he could barely recognize as his own, something between a gasp and a moan.

The beast froze on top of him, gazing down at him with confusion cutting through his haze of rage. Noiz himself was in disbelief of what he’d felt and his own reaction to it.

Aoba's mocking laughter was an unpleasant sound.

“What the hell was _that_? You enjoyed that, you pervert? You’ve never moaned like that with me before. Do you like being ripped apart by Koujaku that much?”

Noiz grit his teeth and scowled fiercely.

It was enough that he was being mauled for Aoba’s amusement already, but making such embarrassing sounds was too much. He was determined to be quiet through this.

Noiz let out a breath through his teeth. He’d been preparing himself to die, not for whatever this was.

Koujaku didn’t seem all that interested in mauling him anymore, though. He was still on top of Noiz, but he kept studying his face, looking almost thoughtful, as thoughtful as a beast could look. Noiz had to look away. The man’s gaze left him feeling oddly scrutinized.

Aoba must have noticed Koujaku’s hesitation to continue as well because he called out to him.

“Oh, Koujaku, are you confused by something? Don’t you remember you hate Noiz?”

Koujaku frowned and growled softly, but made no move to continue.

“Remember the first time you met Noiz?” Aoba continued, “He’d broken into Aoba’s room and threatened him. Then, he almost broke Aoba’s arm.”

Koujaku growled loud at that and bared his teeth angrily at Noiz.

Noiz tried to glare at Aoba from where he was lying on the floor but Koujaku’s curtain of red hair made it difficult to see the white haired boy.

“He might have actually gone through with it too if you and Clear hadn’t shown up, all of it over a dangerous drive-by Rhyme match he previously forced Aoba into that he lost. He wanted to hurt your precious, beloved Aoba _just_ because of a Rhyme match.”

That seemed to be enough to rile Koujaku back up. A deep growl resounded from the beast’s throat and Koujaku’s claws were back on his body.

Noiz tried to brace himself as best as he could, trying to endure the attack stoically.

He told himself he wouldn’t make a sound. He told himself he would bear it silently.

But he couldn’t.

Long claws tore at his skin and he would gasp and moan louder each time, pleasure pooling low in his stomach. Noiz’ chest, stomach, sides and arms were quickly all scratched up, blood smearing all over his skin. His shirt had been completely ripped apart by now and only some bits and pieces of black cloth still clung to him.

The blond tried to get away from the beast, not wanting to face his own reactions, but Koujaku’s terrifying strength kept him in place with such ease his attempts at escape were laughable.

The raw pressure of Koujaku’s claws raked his stomach and chest, piercing his skin, brushing so close to pain and almost burning in its intensity, all with his view obscured by inked, tan skin covering tensing muscles.

Noiz arched his back and threw his head back as he made a noise close to a whine, his eyes wide.

He was almost scared by how _good_ this felt. Already, he could feel the telltale pressure between his legs that signaled he was completely hard.

Why? Why did he feel so much pleasure from this? What made this so different from Aoba’s other experiments? Was it because the sensations were caused directly by Koujaku’s body?

His wide eyes took in the beast’s handsome features on top of him. Koujaku had paused his movements again, probably confused by Noiz’ reactions. He was breathing heavily too and his golden irises were peering into Noiz’ green ones. Koujaku lowered his face closer to Noiz’ and his nostrils flared, seemingly smelling him.

Noiz kept gazing up at him through bewildered eyes.

Maybe he felt such an intense pleasure because there was so much vigor behind Koujaku’s actions, a fire that characterized the man so well.

Koujaku’s pause didn’t last long and suddenly, he was wrapping his arms around Noiz.

Noiz gasped at the sudden movement. He was completely enveloped by Koujaku, enjoying the closeness and pressure of the powerful arms encircling him way too much.

And then, he felt the beast’s claws digging into his back while at the same time, Koujaku lowered his head and sunk his teeth harshly into Noiz’ shoulder.

An incredibly obscene, long moan escaped Noiz’ throat and ended in a whimper.

Aoba let out a surprised breath and Koujaku immediately let go of Noiz’ shoulder and looked up at him.

Noiz turned his face away. He was trembling hard now, panting in quick breaths and his eyes were wide with shock. _That had felt so good_. The sharp, profound feeling of those fangs combined with the claws had felt amazing. His cock had to be dripping wet by now.

He’d fucked and been fucked various times in the past. It was always a struggle to get himself to come and sex had never been the amazing experience it was for everyone else, the satisfaction he'd get from the act mostly psychological and often doused in self-loathing. Past partners could barely get a sound out of him and his releases were always anticlimactic and somewhat disappointing. Even when he was being forcefully pounded into by men he’d pissed off one way or another, they could barely get him panting.

Koujaku had clawed at him a few times and bitten him once and Noiz already felt like he was falling apart, when actual _fucking_ couldn’t get him this far.

Through his shock, he felt oddly helpless, vulnerable.

He was scared of that feeling.

He started struggling again, putting his hands against Koujaku’s broad chest and pushing with all his might. Koujaku barely budged but he tightened his arms around Noiz. Noiz let out a hiss of frustration from between his teeth and squirmed against the beast’s grip vehemently, which only earned him a puzzled look for his sudden bout of resistance and a confused sound. The beast brought his face closer and breathed him in deeply, eyes boring into his. Noiz ignored his searching eyes and struggled harder.

Then Koujaku huffed impatiently and sank his teeth back into Noiz’ shoulder.

Noiz gasped and stopped moving. He was about to try pushing Koujaku away again when Koujaku started worrying at the wound and raking his claws down his back once more.

Noiz moaned and felt his body go limp as Koujaku bit his way from his shoulder to his neck. His hands unfurled against Koujaku’s hard chest and he unconsciously moved his head to let the beast have easier access to his neck.

Koujaku sank his teeth into Noiz’ neck, running his claws down Noiz’ sides. Noiz closed his eyes, feeling the sensations overtake him, thoughts of resistance forgotten. The strain he felt from his untouched, probably leaking cock was uncomfortable but everything else Koujaku did to him brought him so much pleasure.

He heard Koujaku inhaling his scent again, as if making sure of something, before his mouth was back on Noiz’ neck.

Noiz slid his hands from the man’s chest to his back, wishing he knew what his skin felt like. As he slid his hands up and down the wide back, he vaguely felt something soft touching his neck, accompanied by a pleasant feeling of suction and he realized with a start that Koujaku was licking and sucking his neck.

A jolt of electricity ran down Noiz’ spine.

Was-

Was Koujaku feeling it too?

Aoba must have noticed something different as well because he called out.

“Koujaku?” Aoba sounded confused and unsure.

The beast took his mouth off Noiz’ neck and Noiz thought Aoba’s voice must have brought him back to what little sense he had left.

But then Koujaku’s head dipped lower and his mouth latched onto one of Noiz’ nipples.

Both Noiz and Aoba gasped.

Noiz writhed and dug his blunt nails into Koujaku’s back as the man sucked on his nipple earnestly. Something close to panic made his breath erratic and shivers ran down his back. Somewhere along the way, Koujaku had gotten aroused as well and Noiz had no idea of what to do about it.

His heart was beating frantically. As much of an idiot as the man was, he’d been attracted to Koujaku for a long time already and he was incredibly aroused; he’d even masturbated to thoughts of the beast in his cell next door. But this had started out as a mauling for Aoba’s perverse amusement, he’d come into the cell expecting to die, Mink could probably hear his pathetic mewling from his own cell, Aoba was standing right there, staring-

Why wasn’t Aoba doing anything to stop this now? Wasn’t Koujaku his? Aoba had made it abundantly clear to the world how in love he was with Koujaku so wasn’t this an upsetting sight for him?

Noiz bit his lip to muffle his sounds and looked over at Aoba.

Aoba looked completely in shock. His eyes were incredibly wide, his hands were hovering over his parted lips and a deep blush had spread over his alabaster skin.

Noiz wondered if he should call out to Aoba. That could get him to snap out of his daze and get Koujaku to stop.

He felt teeth dig sharply into his nipple and his eyes slid shut as he cried out.

A deep part of him asked him a question he didn’t know if he wanted to answer.

_Did Noiz really want this to stop?_

Koujaku’s mouth left his chest and the man’s face was directly on top of him, his searing eyes locking with his own. The sound of tearing fabric made him jump and he realized with his heart skipping a beat that Koujaku was literally ripping his pants off.

As soon as he was fully bared, his legs were roughly pulled apart and spread wide.

Noiz’ hands immediately went back to Koujaku’s chest, but he didn’t push. He opened his dry mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. His heart felt like it would burst out of his rib cage from how hard it was beating.

“Koujaku!”

Aoba’s voice rang out across the cell.

“W-what are you…?” Aoba’s voice trailed off shakily.

Noiz’ chest heaved as Koujaku pulled the sheet around his waist to the side. He bit his lower lip at the sight of the beast’s large, thick cock.

He still couldn’t believe this was happening.

Koujaku positioned himself between his legs, claws digging harshly into his hips.

For a second, Noiz dully felt a stretching sensation spreading at his backside.

Grunting, Koujaku then slammed into him with all his might, all the way to the hilt.

Noiz screamed, shock overwhelming his mind completely.

Koujaku was actually _inside_ him, and he’d _felt._ He’d dimly felt as his unprepared insides had to stretch rapidly to accommodate the huge intrusion and _something_ had been brushed inside. It hadn’t been pain, not even close to it.

But it was something he’d only ever felt hints of before.

_Right there, when Koujaku thrust in, he’d felt-_

His thoughts were promptly jumbled as the beast didn’t waste a moment. Koujaku started thrusting savagely, with such consuming force behind his movements Noiz could barely catch his breath in between cries.

His thin body was being moved up and down on the beast’s cock, like a doll, and he was powerless to do much else but lie there and take the pounding.

Koujaku’s thrusts rubbed and pulled against his inner walls in ways that left him feeling completely raw. The older man's cock would often hit something inside him that made him jolt and jerk from the overpowering sensation. It was a pleasure that drowned him in its intensity.

It was far more feeling than he was used to and he was soon thrashing under Koujaku. He’d alternatively push against Koujaku’s chest and then wrap his arms around him and pull him closer, wanting to get away and at the same time wanting the man even closer, never wanting the sensations to end. Koujaku let himself be pulled and shoved without complaint, his gaze steady on Noiz’ face, his breathing ragged. Noiz could do little more than cry out loudly, and from his blurry vision and the sound of his own unrecognizable, broken voice, he _was actually_ crying.

Pleasure had always been an extremely muted sensation for him, something he’d enjoyed feeling but had never held as much fascination for him in comparison to pain, whereas many others seemed like they’d do anything for pleasure. Noiz realized now he’d only been feeling hints of the degrees pleasure could reach. What meager sparks he’d felt before couldn’t even compare to the galvanizing depth of sensation coursing through his body now, and he felt as if there were even higher levels of pleasure that could be achieved.

Noiz felt a sort of distant shame at how wrecked he was from being fucked by Koujaku. Still, the shame wasn’t enough to silence him or keep him from feeling any less sensations. He could pretend his skin knew what heat felt like, as he could only describe Koujaku’s passion as _fire_. Like this, he could feel Koujaku’s fire as if it were his very own.

Noiz closed his eyes. The beast’s grunts filled his ears as waves of pleasure washed over him.

Like this.

He could pretend he could truly feel, like everyone else, almost as if his fantasies had come to life. Pain still eluded him but there was a new depth of feeling he had discovered that could connect him to others in a novel way. There was no reason to keep him locked up in a room like this, he wasn’t a freak anymore. Like this, he was no longer just an annoyance to be hidden away.

He could _feel_ like this.

Sobs escaped his lips and wracked his frame at the thought.

Distantly, he heard Koujaku let out a harsh breath.

The thrusts slowed down, coming to a stop and the grip on his hips loosened.

A whine of displeasure immediately formed in Noiz’ throat as his world stilled.

No…

Why had Koujaku stopped?

Noiz opened his eyes and looked up at the face of the man on top of him.

Koujaku looked… concerned? Was that even possible for him in this state? As limited as Noiz’ sense of touch was, he could tell Koujaku was still very hard inside him. Then why had he stopped?

Noiz stared at his face, trying to find answers. Koujaku stared back, his eyebrows furrowed together and his eyes searching his own. As strange as it was, he _did_ look concerned.

“W-what are you doing…” Noiz winced at his own pitiful-sounding voice, “Don’t stop, you idiot, I never told you to stop...”

Koujaku made a low, rumbling sound. Then, he moved his hands from Noiz’ hips to wrap his arms around him and moved his face closer to his, but he didn’t continue. Koujaku just kept staring at his face, with the same worried expression. A slight feeling of something sharp trailing across his back in slow, rubbing motions made him realize the man was stroking his back gently.

Noiz frowned.

Koujaku really _was_ worried, for some reason. But why? normal men hadn’t given a shit before about how he felt when it came to their own pleasure. They’d fucked him without a care for his feelings or if his body could take it and Noiz had come to see it as normal. People only cared for others when they’d gain something from it and Noiz himself adopted that attitude most of the time as it was the only thing he’d ever known.

Koujaku currently was a fucking beast. He was supposed to take what he wanted, the hell with what others felt. What the fuck was he doing worrying about Noiz over a few tears? He didn’t gain anything from it, in fact it was counter productive for him. He was still hard and would obviously still want to keep going but was stopping himself for Noiz’ sake.

Noiz didn’t understand, _couldn’t_ understand. Why did the beast care? He gained _nothing_ from caring. Caring meant having to restrain himself and he was supposed to be a monster.

A lump formed in Noiz’ throat but he resolutely swallowed it down and tried to get Koujaku to move again.

“I’m fine,” he said, trying to keep the trembling in his voice to a minimum, “I can’t feel pain, so you can be as rough with me as you want, it won’t hurt,” He wrapped his arms around the man. “I’m fine, so don’t stop.”

Brief surprise widened Koujaku’s eyes at Noiz’ words, but the warm concern was back just as fast. Koujaku studied his face, still not moving.

“Really, I’m fine.”

More gentle strokes to his back, but still no luck. Noiz would have to try something else.

He moved his hips and clenched down hard on the man’s cock, hoping that would spur him into action.

Koujaku growled softly and tightened his arms around him. The stroking motion came to a stop; then, he finally started moving again.

His thrusts were much slower this time, but each deep roll of his hips brushed against that spot that sent electricity coursing through Noiz’ body. Noiz whimpered and whined at the way Koujaku’s cock dragged and pulled so wonderfully inside him. Koujaku’s face was pressed against his and his mouth was on his cheek. He could vaguely feel something soft slide against his cheek and he knew Koujaku was licking it. He’d been crying before, probably still was, and Koujaku was licking his tears.

Noiz felt the lump in his throat again at that strange display of tenderness. It made no sense that a beast could be so caring when normal people wouldn’t see past their own desires. He couldn’t understand, and his chest felt a little too tight.

He kept his legs wrapped tightly around Koujaku’s waist, wanting to keep as close to him as he could. With the brutal fucking from before, Noiz had felt as if he was falling apart at the seams, completely helpless and at the mercy of the beast. Now, he still felt horribly vulnerable but this time, Koujaku’s strong arms held him together and kept him from feeling like he was breaking.

Encased in the safety of the man’s arms and feeling him deep inside, Noiz could begin to understand why Koujaku had been admired and loved by so many. Even as a beast, the warm, caring nature of the man underneath shone through.

Noiz squirmed and squeezed his eyes shut. He was so close, and he ached with the desire to come, but release meant this strangely intimate moment would be over. He almost wished it didn’t feel this good so it could drag on for hours, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. 

It only took a few more deep thrusts and then he was coming.

Violent shudders wracked his frame, and he cried out loudly as he came harder than he ever had before, bucking wildly in Koujaku’s hold as he felt the wave of his climax crash down over him, pleasure completely engulfing all of his senses for several long seconds.

Noiz came down to Koujaku still moving inside him, holding him close. Gasps escaped his hoarse throat as the man kept fucking him, his body feeling overstimulated but he grit his teeth and endured it, wanting Koujaku to come as well.

Thankfully, it didn’t take too long. Koujaku let out a harsh groan, thrust as deep as he could go and came to a stop, his head coming to rest in the crook of Noiz’ bloodied neck. Noiz couldn’t feel it, but he liked the thought of Koujaku’s cum deep inside of him, his eyes closing as he tried to imagine what it would be like if he could actually feel it. Really warm, probably.

After a few seconds had passed, he felt a heavy pressure on top of him, squeezing the breath out of him. Koujaku was now lying on top of him, leaning his whole weight on him. He was heavy and it was kinda hard to breathe around him, but Noiz liked this feeling of being enveloped by him.

His breaths started to wind down and his heartbeats slowed down a little. He was feeling oddly at ease, satisfied and deeply tired.

Noiz was so strangely comfortable he could have drifted off like this, with Koujaku still inside and the man's body securely blanketing his own.

Suddenly, he heard quick footsteps across the floor. The cell’s door opened and then slammed shut. The footsteps hurried down the dungeon’s corridor and out of ear’s reach. The sound of a heavy door opening and closing resounded through the dungeon.

Noiz had practically forgotten Aoba had been standing there the whole time, watching.

The blond idly wondered if Aoba was angry or upset. If he was, he deserved it. _He_ was the one who got Koujaku and Noiz in this situation in the first place. If he’d gotten more than he’d bargained for, well, tough shit. Noiz would worry about his possible ire later, wanting to draw out his current comfort as much as he could.

He should have been worried at having been left locked up with Koujaku. Koujaku was still a beast, who was in a caring mood at the moment but maybe his anger would flare up again later and Noiz would be torn to shreds.

Still, Noiz couldn’t bring himself to care.

For the first time since he was imprisoned, he wouldn’t be locked up in a room alone.

He was with someone for now.

At least for tonight, he wouldn’t feel like he was back home again.

A sigh of relief left his lungs at the thought.

Tonight, he wouldn’t be alone.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To feel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting two chapters today! Warning for dick biting in this one.

Noiz was hugging his knees to his chest, sitting close to the middle of the cell, naked and shivering. Cold he couldn’t feel or something else, he didn’t know.

Koujaku grumbled softly behind him.

Around three days must have passed since Aoba had left him locked up with Koujaku.

It was a definite improvement from being in his own cell alone and someone else’s presence with him made his imprisonment feel much less suffocating. Noiz occasionally wondered when Aoba would come back to possibly punish him for what had happened (he had no doubt _he_ would be the one blamed for it) but his thoughts were otherwise occupied by the beast that kept him company.

Noiz felt unsatisfied.

Ever since Aoba had left them together, Koujaku hadn’t made a single move to touch Noiz.

The beast didn’t even growl or snap at him anymore, hadn’t tried to attack him or made any hostile moves towards him. Koujaku just kept to his own corner of the cell, staring at Noiz but refraining from approaching him, sitting back to watch him cautiously instead.

Noiz had tried telling himself that he was glad the beast was leaving him alone and that he didn’t give a fuck about Koujaku but those had been pathetic attempts at trying to keep himself unmoved and distant.

It was useless to try to fool himself.

Koujaku had made him  _f_ _eel_. Koujaku had him believing for a moment that he was normal like everyone else and when he'd been falling apart, Koujaku had _cared_.

Sex was an act that would often leave him feeling all the more unlovable, validating everything his parents had ever said of him, and he’d wrap the self-loathing around himself like a blanket, feeling a sort of familiar comfort from it. The encounter with Koujaku however had been overwhelming, leaving no room for his usual self-hatred and after it was all over, Koujaku had kept holding him in his arms long after he’d come and had no use for him any longer.

Koujaku couldn’t just do all that and not expect Noiz to want more.

Now that Noiz had known what it was like to feel pleasure and care, he didn’t want to go back to his dull, unfeeling days; he craved feeling that connection once more.

Noiz wrapped his arms around his knees tighter.

He’d felt a connection once before, too, although very different. He’d felt it over discussions about humanity, bunnies, jellyfish, gemstones and a crushing embrace.

Noiz’ chest ached painfully as he thought of bright, rose eyes.

The night they were imprisoned, before he’d started talking with Clear, Clear had been singing. Clear would always sing, his voice always melodious and beautiful but that night, he hadn’t been able to appreciate his song. The Jellyfish Song, he’d called it.

He wished he had listened properly that last time. That night had probably been the last time he would ever get to hear Clear sing again.

Noiz pressed his forehead to his knees, a watery sigh escaping his lips.

The sound of Koujaku shifting behind him reached his ears, chains dragging across the floor, but he paid him no mind.

It was almost funny how his worries a couple of months ago or so included his parents wanting to marry him off.

Noiz idly wondered if they’d been worried when he abruptly cut off contact and stopped sending in work for the company. Probably not. They must have been pissed. The one who must have actually worried was Theo, though.

He shook his head.

He didn’t want to think about his brother. That would only-

Noiz jumped up as he suddenly felt pressure enveloping him.

Strong arms were encircling him and pulling him back to a wide, firm chest.

Noiz was shocked still as Koujaku pulled him back into his lap and held him close, resting his chin on his shoulder.

It might have felt like safety and comfort if only Noiz wasn’t so confused by the sudden proximity and touch. Koujaku had been practically ignoring him the last three days and now this?

“What are you doing?”

Low growling came as the only reply and Koujaku shifted his chin a little but otherwise remained in the same position.

A long moment passed in which Noiz remained unmoving, with Koujaku gently but firmly embracing him from behind, no other sound in the cell but their breathing and Noiz could have almost felt lulled by the calmness.

Instead, he stared at the thick arms wrapped around him, uncomprehending. Why was the beast holding him? What did Koujaku gain from this? The thought that maybe the beast wanted to fuck him again had crossed his mind but Koujaku had just held on to him quietly, without making any sort of move indicating he had other things in mind.

This man made absolutely no sense. Koujaku kept doing things that brought no benefit to him for no reason. It made Noiz feel a certain fluttering in his stomach, which was ridiculous and stupid and he needed to stop. He had half a mind to tell Koujaku to let go and make some crude remark about his age but…

This was part of what he’d wanted. Koujaku’s touch, Koujaku’s attention on himself. He didn’t know why Koujaku was suddenly interested in him, but he wasn’t going to let this chance pass him by. There was still no hint of Aoba, so there were likely to be no interruptions.

As much as he enjoyed Koujaku holding him, he wanted to take things further and get the chance to feel again. Koujaku had him in his arms and he'd already fucked him once. Surely he'd be willing to do it again?

Deciding this was as good a time as any to make a move, Noiz nudged the man’s chin off his shoulder. The blond turned around in Koujaku’s arms and put his own arms around the man’s neck, mindful of the chains and collar. Koujaku simply observed him with a curious gaze, golden irises taking in his features.

Noiz eyed the stunning tattoos adorning the tanned skin, mysterious and undeniably beautiful, before letting his gaze rest on Koujaku’s lips. He could only feel with his tongue and last time, they didn’t get to do this…

Noiz pressed himself to the beast, pulled their faces close together, and then pressed his lips firmly to Koujaku’s.

Koujaku grunted in surprise, slightly parting his lips and Noiz immediately took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside the man’s mouth, wasting no time. The tip of his own tongue brushed tentatively at first against Koujaku’s. Noiz then moved his tongue languidly in the wet warmth of the beast’s mouth, focusing on the sensations. He stroked his tongue against Koujaku’s long one, coaxing him into entwining their tongues together as he pressed his body firmly against his. Noiz enjoyed kissing quite a bit, mostly sticking his tongue into someone else’s mouth, as it was something he could fully feel, but he didn’t get to do it all that often.

Most of his sexual encounters were quick, impersonal, sometimes violent and at times forced on him, so kissing wasn’t something he indulged in often.

Koujaku was starting to feel it as he responded to the kiss hungrily but sloppily; he wasn’t kissing back so much as he was biting and licking at Noiz’ mouth but his teeth sinking into Noiz’ lips and Koujaku’s tongue sliding against his felt great. The blond explored the man’s mouth eagerly, feeling his tongue piercing clinking against sharp teeth. With how eager Koujaku was being, Noiz berated himself for not initiating anything three days ago. They had to make up for lost time now.

Noiz’ hands moved across the hard planes of Koujaku’s chest, touch firm against the scarred skin. He couldn’t feel what Koujaku’s skin felt like with his own, but he liked to imagine it was very warm. At least he could feel the tautness of the beast’s muscles if he pressed his hands hard enough against them.

Softening his touch, he slid his hands down Koujaku’s abdomen until he reached the man’s cock. Koujaku let out a low growl and raked his claws across Noiz’ back as the blond gripped his half-hard cock.

Noiz gasped and arched his spine. He looked into Koujaku’s eyes, green eyes hazy as he licked his bottom lip.

“More,” he said breathily, “Come on- be as rough as you want.” He pulled hard on Koujaku’s cock at those last words.

Koujaku growled deeply as he effortlessly threw Noiz on his back on the floor. He promptly covered Noiz’ thin frame with his own broad one and bit down on his neck. Noiz moaned wantonly at the sharp feeling and wrapped his arms and legs around the beast to draw him closer. Yes, this was exactly what he wanted.

Koujaku sank his teeth into his willing body, going further down and drawing loud gasps of pleasure from Noiz as fat droplets of blood trailed down his torso. The teeth on the untouched skin of his inner thighs were a delight, along with the suction as Koujaku sucked the blood from the bites.

Noiz jerked up in surprise when the beast wrapped his long tongue around his pierced dick. Was he going to-

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Koujaku bit down on the hard flesh.

Noiz cried out.

The sharp teeth piercing his tensed skin brought a feeling so, so close to pain that just felt so _good_. Noiz fisted his hands in Koujaku’s red mane as he pushed his hips harder into the man’s mouth, throwing his head back.

Koujaku pressed his teeth from the base to the middle of the shaft and when he sunk his fangs into the tip, Noiz convulsed from the pleasure, feeling like he was going to come right there. The man curled his long tongue around the cock, licking it slowly. Noiz had a hard time feeling that part and hoped Koujaku would bite down again, his skin still tingling from how amazing that had felt.

But Koujaku then withdrew his mouth. Noiz whined at the loss and was about to complain when he was suddenly flipped on his stomach and his hips were raised high in the air. His chest was pressed to the floor and Noiz shouldn’t have felt a surge of lust rush through him at how submissive he found this position, shouldn’t have raised his hips higher and pressed his chest flatter against the floor, but he couldn’t help it, almost drooling from how turned on he was.

There was something about yielding to Koujaku’s feral strength that sent shivers down Noiz’ spine, it was intoxicating. He bit his lip hard and closed his eyes, trying to brace himself for the onslaught of sensation he now knew was coming.

A low growl resounded in the cell, his hips were caught in a vice grip and Koujaku seated himself fully inside Noiz with a vicious thrust.

Noiz let out a loud cry that melted into a long moan. He was forced open all too quickly by Koujaku’s cock and the beast started moving immediately. The boy was being rocked back and forth at a furious pace and it felt _so_ _good_ , he was already melting and they’d just started.

Noiz tried to turn his face as much as he could to look back at the gorgeous man pounding into him. As erotic as this position was, he missed being held in Koujaku’s arms and having his handsome features right in front of him to stare at whenever he wanted. The sinful feeling of being Koujaku’s to use as he saw fit made up for it, however. He felt absolutely no shame for it either.

Submission had never really appealed to him but now the very idea of it had him writhing and feeling the brutal thrusts inside of him so much more. Maybe because this time, it wasn’t being forced on him, unlike the times he’d found himself being used in turns by angry men in dirty back alleys. This time, it hadn’t started as a mauling for Aoba’s amusement, either. He was sure he wanted it this time, so submission didn’t feel like it was taken from him, but freely given. It was a feeling similar to giving himself up to someone else’s care, oddly comforting and sensual in the same breath.

Just like before, Koujaku would frequently brush against a delicious spot inside him that sent electric sparks of pure pleasure course through his body. Like this, he could feel; there was nothing wrong with him like this.

His wet eyes locked with Koujaku’s as he cried out wantonly, his body trembling from all the sensations running through it. Koujaku then leaned over him and adjusted their positions, slipping an arm under Noiz’ chest and lifting it, then lowering his mouth to Noiz’ shoulder and biting down, keeping his harsh pace up.

Noiz put his hand over the one on his chest and gripped it tightly, trying to match Koujaku’s rhythm as he shoved his hips back to meet the man’s thrusts. He’d been so close to coming earlier from Koujaku’s teeth, he wasn’t going to be able to hold on for much longer.

He kept looking at what he could of Koujaku, not wanting to drop his gaze from him.

He never would have thought he’d end up like this. Never would have thought the one to make him feel so much would be that ill-tempered ribster he’d met in Aoba’s room almost a year ago. Now, that same man was bringing him to heights of sensation that had previously been completely unknown to him.

The crescendo of pleasure suddenly reached its peak inside of him, wiping his thoughts away. His body shivered as he came with a shout, driving his hips as far down on Koujaku’s cock as he could.

There was no time to catch his breath when he came down from his climax. Koujaku was far from done and kept thrusting hard into him, growling deeply.

Noiz whimpered as he limply let himself be fucked to completion, his eyes sliding shut tiredly.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Desire was lying in his bed once more, staring at the ceiling.

He should have been furious.

He should have been enraged.

He should have been thinking up creative ways of tearing Noiz’ guts out of his stomach and feeding them back to him.

Because this had been Noiz’ fault. Noiz had tempted his beautiful Koujaku with his whorish moans and Koujaku had acted on instinct because what else could a beast do?

But then why had Koujaku stopped when Noiz started crying from something other than pleasure?

Desire should also have been completely infuriated with how Noiz had pulled more humanity out of Koujaku, softening his precious beast even more.

But Desire wasn’t angry at all, he wasn’t even jealous.

Instead, he’d kept replaying what he’d seen in his mind over and over again, down to the last detail, his cock hard and throbbing again. It remained untouched, though, as he was too shocked by his own feelings to reach down for it.

Noiz, who could normally only feel muted sensations had _felt_ so much. The normally quiet blond that barely grunted when being cut open by a blade had been so loud underneath Koujaku. His expressionless façade had crumbled thoroughly in the throes of pleasure and he’d looked so much younger, so open and defenseless. Desire even got to see Noiz in tears, which was something he never thought he’d see. Just thinking about it made Desire want to crush his lips to Noiz’ and kiss him deeply.

Desire had even enjoyed the part when Koujaku stopped to check in on Noiz, even liked it when Koujaku licked Noiz’ tears away in a blatant show of sentimentality and fucked him slowly, because that was such a _Koujaku_ thing to do. Even if it was a clear reminder that his humanity was returning it made Desire melt for the caring, passionate man under the beast. It had made him want to jump on Koujaku’s cock while at the same time he’d wanted Koujaku to keep fucking Noiz.

Desire curled onto his side, his cheeks burning.

Even with what he’d seen, Desire was still completely Koujaku’s. His heart was as thoroughly ensnared by the man as it had always been, as their bond went far beyond the physical. Even if they wound up finding pleasure in others’ bodies as well as each other's, Koujaku would always be the only one for him, and he the only one for Koujaku.

So there was no unfaithfulness in Desire’s craving to see Koujaku and Noiz together again. The decision had been made in a split second, he _had_ to see it again.

He wanted to be there the next time Koujaku fucked Noiz. There _would_ be a next time, he’d make sure of it.

This was a dangerous game for his own sanity. Aoba had been screaming at him when he’d brought Noiz into Koujaku’s cell. Aoba had been quiet after that, probably in the same state of shock Desire himself had been in but he knew it was too much to hope for for Aoba to always be too shocked for words. Aoba would very surely reappear while he arranged for Koujaku and Noiz to fuck, he was sure of it.

But it was too late to turn back, now. Desire had seen it just once and he was already hopelessly addicted. It didn’t mean anything either, he didn’t have Aoba’s hangups and he _knew_ Koujaku loved him. He was still Koujaku’s reason to live and Desire still belonged to Koujaku; Noiz would just be a bit of extra fun added to their usual lovemaking sessions.

With that thought, he finally reached for his own cock and squeezed hard.

As he stroked himself roughly with quick breaths, he felt Aoba stir up in the back of his mind.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different way of feeling you.

A week had passed since Aoba had left them together in the same cell. The white haired boy’s absence was getting worrisome, possibly having something to do with his plans for revenge on Noiz. Each day, Noiz had waited nervously for his eventual arrival only for the hours to go by and night to fall with still no sign of Aoba.

Impending doom notwithstanding, Noiz’ thoughts were otherwise constantly filled with Koujaku.

Koujaku had taken to holding him when they would both go to sleep.

Often during the day as well, when Noiz would shiver too much from reasons he couldn’t feel.

The man would always hold him after they would fuck, too, and he was now much more careful with the clawing and biting as well, seeing as Noiz’ body was now covered in barely healing gashes and bite marks.

The embraces were always surprisingly tender, considering the state Koujaku was in. Koujaku would often stroke Noiz’ back gently, run his fingers carefully through his hair or lick wounds he’d made on Noiz’ skin, as well.

Noiz had half-heartedly protested some of the impromptu hugs at first, but it had been pointless. As reluctant as he was to admit it even to himself, he didn’t dislike them at all; he found safety in Koujaku's arms he would have given anything to have felt while growing up. The embraces just confused him greatly.

He was being held at the moment, cradled to the beast’s chest and having his back stroked as they both lay curled up on the floor.

Many of the man’s actions were still a mystery to him. Sex he could understand, they both got something out of it but the care behind it, all the holding and the licking of his wounds, _that_ he couldn’t understand. It didn’t benefit Koujaku at all and he was a beast. It was already hard enough for Noiz to understand what normal people got from cuddling, so what did a beast gain from it?

Not even his parents, who were supposed to care for him by default, had wanted anything to do with him. Why was Koujaku so insistent on holding him like a teddy bear, then?

The beast knew he couldn’t feel pain as well; he could understand words, Noiz had seen it. The beast knew Noiz wasn't normal but he didn’t care, it didn’t stop him from holding the boy.

Noiz bit his lip and pressed his forehead harder against Koujaku’s chest.

He’d thought he had Koujaku all figured out the few times he’d met him. Then, he'd been a bit confused by the things he’d found out about him when he’d researched his background but didn’t make much of it. He’d still thought of Koujaku as a quick-tempered idiot with a prince charming act meant to get him laid as much as possible.

Now, he couldn’t help but feel Koujaku was…

The only appropriate description for what Koujaku made him feel at the moment was something resembling the relief he’d feel when drinking something warm, the pleasant heat spreading through his tongue and reaching inside his body.

Noiz had told himself a long time ago he would always be alone. He’d told himself everyone was the same, that the world ran on a cost-benefit basis and he’d seen his theory play out many times as well.

Now a beast was wordlessly proving him wrong.

Koujaku did things that didn’t benefit him at all just because he cared. Right now, Noiz wasn’t alone. He was being held by someone so warm not even his beastly exterior could tarnish his heat.

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and shut his wet eyes. Koujaku automatically tightened his arms around him.

Noiz wished he knew just how warm Koujaku’s embraces truly were but he didn’t really know what warmth felt like, he only had a vague idea of how it would feel on his skin from what he’d felt of it from his tongue.

It really made no sense that of all parts of his body, his tongue had to be the only one with the ability to feel on it.

Thinking too much about it led to anger at his condition but he still mulled on it for a few seconds, something pulling at the corners of his mind.

Then, a sudden thought occurred to him.

Noiz _could_ find out how warm Koujaku actually was. The way to do it was very simple and he almost felt like an idiot for not thinking of it sooner.

He pressed his mouth to Koujaku’s chest and slowly slid his pierced tongue across the tan skin in front of him.

Koujaku grunted in surprise, moving his head to look down at Noiz.

Noiz opened his eyes in wonder, tongue still pressed to Koujaku’s skin.

Koujaku _was_ very warm.

A surge of elation ran through him. Koujaku was as warm as Noiz had imagined.

Koujaku’s skin felt heated under his tongue and more than that, Noiz could feel the texture of it as well. The piercing on his tongue was a bit of an obstacle to his endeavor but he was still making great leaps. Koujaku’s skin was slightly rugged, feeling a bit weathered, likely from the lifestyle of fighting being a ribster entailed.

As he trailed his tongue farther across the inked expanse, he noticed some places felt rougher than others, while certain parts felt smoother. The taste could only be described as _skin_ and beneath it, something undeniably _Koujaku_ , a luscious taste that almost felt dear to Noiz.

Excited and almost giddy from his new discoveries, Noiz made his way to an angry-looking scar on Koujaku’s chest and laved his tongue on it. _That_ felt uneven and a bit rougher than the rest of Koujaku’s skin; it almost had a calloused feeling to it.

Noiz was intent on continuing his exploration when he was roughly pulled away from Koujaku’s chest. He looked up to see Koujaku looking down at him, confusion evident in his eyes. A questioning grunt was sent his way and Noiz thought it would be better if he explained.

“I can’t feel with the rest of my body, only with my tongue,” Noiz said quietly, “I can feel what your skin feels like only if I use my tongue.”

Koujaku studied him silently, realization parting his lips slightly. From the look on his face, he’d understood Noiz’ words properly.

Noiz sat up and put his hand on Koujaku’s shoulder.

“You know what _my_ skin feels like, but I didn’t know what yours felt like until a second ago.”

He pushed at the beast’s shoulder to coax him to lie down on his back.

“Let me feel you.”

Koujaku looked into Noiz’ eyes with something like understanding. After a short moment, he slowly rolled onto his back and waited, completely docile.

A small smile lit up the blond’s face.

Noiz straddled Koujaku’s hips and put his mouth back to his chest. The boy licked the red peonies that had shifted this time to the center of Koujaku’s chest and quietly marveled at being able to feel _texture_. He was fascinated by each little uneven patch of inked skin his tongue trailed over, amazed by how so much could be felt that was invisible to the naked eye and was eager to keep licking more parts of Koujaku’s skin.

He lapped at both of Koujaku’s shoulders and licked down one of his arms next. Not only could he feel the texture of the man’s skin he could also feel small things he would have barely felt with his own dull skin, like veins. Noiz was thrilled by the sensation of those slightly raised lines underneath Koujaku’s skin. It felt intimate, somehow, how he was now able to tell what Koujaku’s skin felt like right down to the veins underneath it.

He wondered if Koujaku could feel the same things about his own skin and the thought made him feel nervous and excited at the same time. Did Koujaku enjoy feeling his own skin against Noiz’? Moreover, Koujaku had been inside him various times now. How did Noiz’ insides feel? Pretty good, most likely, it was easy to tell from the fact that Koujaku was always willing to fuck him but he was interested in specifics. How he felt to others was suddenly as intriguing as how others felt to him.

Noiz was the only one who was getting worked up over feeling things, though.

Koujaku was absent-mindedly scratching his claws against the floor, looking thoroughly uninterested.

Noiz scowled at him. Of course the dumb beast wouldn’t understand how important this was for Noiz. Koujaku was just lying on the floor, being slobbered on, with no real comprehension of how exciting it was for Noiz to feel the texture and warmth of his skin. Noiz would just have to make him feel something then.

Noiz brought his mouth to Koujaku’s inked nipple and lapped at it tentatively with his tongue.

No reaction.

Noiz bit down harshly and pulled. Koujaku growled in annoyance but otherwise looked borderline bored. Noiz pressed his lips in a thin line. This was supposed to feel good. It felt good on himself but it didn’t work at all on the beast, although the possibility that Noiz was just extraordinarily bad at this also existed. He didn’t have that much experience pleasuring others so he didn’t have much to go on except what felt good on himself, which was a terrible guide as he was a complete pervert, not including the fact that he couldn’t feel most things.

He glanced down at Koujaku’s abdomen. At least he knew of one thing that would definitely feel good for the man and that Noiz would also enjoy.

Sliding further down Koujaku’s body, he planned to go for his cock but had to stop to lower his head and lick at his delicious looking abs. He savoured the feeling of the hard muscle under the skin and he soon found himself placing wet, open mouthed kisses there.

Koujaku grunted, a small breath escaping his throat.

Ah, so Koujaku was feeling this. Combining kissing and tongue made him feel it, he noticed. Noiz kissed up Koujaku’s side, occasionally sliding his tongue softly on the skin. He sucked gently on a spot under his ribs, feeling warmth pool low in his stomach. This seemed to catch Koujaku’s attention as he looked down at Noiz with newfound interest in his eyes. Noiz trailed his wet kisses lower and lower, reaching the edge of the sheet wrapped around Koujaku. Pushing the sheet aside, he gripped Koujaku’s cock.

Koujaku let out a loud growl of surprise and supported himself on his elbows as he stared incredulously at Noiz. Noiz pumped Koujaku’s somewhat limp cock in his hand with a firm grip and looked up at Koujaku’s face.

“I want to feel you here too. Let me do this.”

Low grunts fell from Koujaku’s lips as he hardened in Noiz’ hand. When Noiz deemed him hard enough, he lowered his head and trailed his tongue from the base of Koujaku’s cock to the thick head in one languid movement. Koujaku growled low, raking his claws hard against the floor.

Noiz took in the feeling of the taut flesh on his tongue. It was hot, even warmer than the rest of Koujaku and much smoother as well. He wrapped his lips around it and took as much as he could manage into his mouth before it hit his throat. His mouth was filled almost immediately.

He bobbed his head up and down slowly, sliding his tongue around the shaft, appreciating the girth and thickness of it with slow strokes. The skin of Koujaku’s length was velvet, a stark contrast from the rest of him, and so wonderfully warm.

Noiz moaned against the beast’s large cock, relishing in its heavy weight on his tongue. He loved being able to feel Koujaku so intimately like this, feeling the slight curve of the shaft so well as well as the texture of the tight skin there, along with the veins. Noiz hadn’t been touched anywhere himself, but his tongue explorations culminating in having Koujaku’s cock in his mouth had him feeling the familiar pressure of arousal low in his belly.

His tongue circled the tip lazily a few times. Then, he playfully prodded at the slit there.

That seemed to be all Koujaku could take.

His head was suddenly pulled off Koujaku’s cock.

Before he could ask what the hell, he’d been thrown on the floor, flipped on his stomach and his hips caught in a vice grip. Heavy breathing reached his ears as his hips were lifted higher and something hard began to press into him.

Noiz let out an annoyed sigh at the position he found himself in. Though he was undoubtedly going to be gasping in pleasure from what was coming next, he’d really been into what he was feeling with his tongue earlier.

“Hey, I was feeling you!” He shouted at the beast behind him, irritated. He’d been enjoying it quite a bit too.

Koujaku paused his movements, softening his hold on Noiz.

Noiz felt as Koujaku leaned over him, pressing his chest to Noiz’ back. The back of a large hand was then pressed to his lips with a soft grunt.

Noiz didn’t understand what the beast was trying to convey and opened his mouth to ask for a better explanation when the hand was shoved back into his open mouth.

He got annoyed and was about to protest being silenced when his tongue brushed the scarred skin lightly.

Oh.

He understood now.

Noiz sucked on the skin of Koujaku’s scarred knuckles, sighing contentedly against the marks, before biting down hard into them to brace himself for what was coming.

The beast might not have understood exactly why Noiz was now so obsessed with licking his skin but he was willing to indulge this new fascination without complaint. The corners of Noiz’ lips turned upwards ever so slightly.

Koujaku made a sound that sounded like an amused huff and Noiz felt the now familiar sensation of the tip of claws gently scraping against his skin, indicating Koujaku was stroking his back.

A strange sort of comfort inundated him at the gesture. He pushed his hips back against Koujaku’s cock, silently telling him to hurry up. Koujaku got the message, placing his right hand back on Noiz’ hip, his left one still between Noiz’ teeth.

Noiz’ cry was muffled by Koujaku’s scars as the man pushed all the way into him with a sharp snap of his hips.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

The beast wasn’t as wild and savage as Aoba had implied, Noiz could see that now.

In his transformed state, there were parts of Koujaku that were clearly overridden by impulse and instinct but otherwise, his mind seemed very lucid. Although unable to talk himself, Koujaku could understand words seemingly perfectly and sometimes tried to form words out of his grunts and growls, though he would always fail.

It was strange, as if Koujaku was actively _trying_ on his own to go back to the way he was before he’d transformed. Noiz could see it in the way Koujaku would attempt to communicate, in the way he’d get annoyed at his own disheveled hair and try to detangle it with his claws or in the way he’d restrain his baser impulses to listen to Noiz.

As he’d guessed, the tattoos really were the source of Koujaku’s curse, it was evident from the man’s instincts and urges combined with the flowers’ meaning, something he’d known of as he’d remembered his own mother’s fondness for peonies. Noiz wondered if Koujaku had known what he’d gotten himself into when he got tattooed. Then again, being the heir of a yakuza clan, did he have a choice? Had his father known this particular tattoo would turn his son into a beast?

It was all very mysterious, nearing on magical, with Aoba knowing all the answers to his questions but refusing to tell them. Koujaku himself couldn’t answer in the state he was in and Noiz doubted he would say much even if he could. It was something Koujaku probably didn’t like to talk about, judging by the way he’d kept his yakuza background a secret, and Noiz would only be able to find his answers by digging for them the old fashioned way. Sadly that was impossible at the moment, with his Allmates and coil gone, so he could only lie in his cell mate's arms silently and make up scenarios of what could have happened, each more outlandish than the last.

Noiz also wondered if Koujaku’s father had cared about him, memories of his own distant father who’d declared he’d wished his son had never been born flashing through his mind. What about Koujaku’s mother? Did Koujaku know what it was like to have caring parents? How did Koujaku learn to be caring himself?

There were so many things Noiz wanted to know about him, but some things only conversation would let him find out. Digging further into Koujaku’s background wouldn’t let Noiz know if the older male had been loved as a child.

Noiz glanced up at Koujaku.

Maybe he could ask Koujaku if he’d loved his parents. Koujaku would just need to grunt and Noiz would be able to tell if that meant a “yes” or “no”.

Koujaku noticed him staring and the beast stared back, expression blank.

How long had it been since the man’s whole family had died? His mother hadn’t been part of the main family, however. Was _she_ alive?

A questioning grunt was sent his way, probably asking him why he was still staring so intently.

Just a question to ease his mind would do.

Just one.

Noiz opened his mouth-

The question was right at the tip of his tongue.

-And closed it right back.

With a rough sigh, he dropped his head back to Koujaku’s chest, ignoring the man’s sound of confusion.

What the hell was he even doing? What kind of awkward-ass shit had he been about to ask? They barely even knew each other for him to be asking those sorts of questions. His brows furrowed.

It could all be blamed on thinking about family. Noiz always had some lingering curiosity on what other people’s families were like compared to his own but at the same time, it was an uncomfortable subject for himself as well, one he'd dislike to be asked about. Still, he wondered-

What was it like to be raised with love? Did Koujaku know? Or was he just like Noiz?

Tugging at a lock of red hair, he shut his eyes resolutely. It was somewhat inappropriate to just ask out of nowhere, even _he_ had enough sense to see that, so his thoughts would be kept to himself; he’d just have to keep his curiosity at bay.

As he slowly drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but think someone as warm and strong as Koujaku had to have known love early in his life to turn out the way he did.

Otherwise, he would probably have wound up being just as pathetic as Noiz; a lonely, scared kid with no one to connect to, who reveled in self-hatred and was utterly confused by the simplest shows of affection.

There was no doubt then.

Koujaku, who was an idiot, so lovely and so different from himself, had definitely known love as a child.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tongues ARE surprisingly sensitive.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koujaku, Aoba, and Noiz caught in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, this is starting to look more like a porn with plot than a plot with porn story, huh, and this chapter is particularly filthy.

The days were passing and still no Aoba.

Anxiety crept in Noiz’ guts as he wondered what was taking Aoba so long. Not that he was eager to see the white haired boy again as his arrival would very likely mean Noiz would be punished, but he wanted to get it over with already.

It wasn’t even the prospect of Aoba’s disproportionate retribution that Noiz dreaded the most but what would happen afterwards. After it would all be over, Noiz would likely be thrown back into his own cell once more, left to slowly crumble and decay on his own again.

It would be made all the worse now that he’d known the warmth of the care in Koujaku’s embraces, now that he’d felt pleasure beyond any he’d ever thought he’d feel. Koujaku was becoming addictive, Noiz clinging to him all the more as the day they’d be separated grew nearer. It would have been better if Aoba had just gotten it over with from the start, before Noiz could get stupidly attached to the beast. Noiz sometimes thought it would have been better if Aoba had never brought Noiz to Koujaku’s cell to begin with, but then Noiz would have never felt true pleasure nor care, his existence would have kept on plodding forwards as dully and emptily as ever, and that was even worse.

Maybe being thrown into a cell alone again wouldn’t be so bad if he replayed the best moments he’d had with Koujaku in his head over and over again? It might make the solitude more bearable, it could even be like reliving the short moments he got to spend with the beast one more time.

Noiz could only hope that would be enough to keep him relatively sane.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“I see you two have become great friends while I was gone. I’m happy to see that!”

Noiz jumped off from his seat in Koujaku’s lap and turned towards the bars of the cell. Koujaku grunted and looked up to the intruding voice.

After almost two weeks, Aoba had finally returned.

Noiz swallowed. The day had finally come, this was it.

The whited haired boy smiled happily as he opened the door and entered the cell.

“I’m sorry for my long absence, I had to deal with… someone,” Aoba rolled his eyes as he put a hand to his head, “But from the looks of it, you two have been getting along pretty well, huh?” He grinned as he closed the cell door behind him.

Noiz didn’t answer, he just eyed Aoba warily. Aoba _had_ to be furious with Noiz for what Koujaku had done with him. The cheeriness was unsettling. Noiz was sure it was a façade, it had to be.

Aoba walked casually towards Noiz and Koujaku, happy expression still on his face, his white boots echoing on the floor as he approached them.

“I thought you two might need some help from me to get over some of your differences but it looks like I had nothing to worry about,” Aoba said breezily, “And from the marks on your body,” Aoba jerked his chin to Noiz, “I can tell you’ve been enjoying Koujaku’s company quite a bit, hmm?” He let out a little sigh and smiled, “I wish I had been here to see it.”

Like hell he did. As genuine as his smile looked, Aoba had to be a great actor; he was definitely putting on a cheery act so that his switch to rage would be all the worse, Noiz was sure of it.

“Koujaku did quite a number on you, too,” Aoba observed, his eyes roaming over the marks on Noiz’ body, “It probably felt amazing at the time but we’ll have to check your wounds later. We wouldn’t want you getting sick now, would we?”

Noiz unconsciously brought his fingers to a healing gash on his chest, pressing them against the tear. Aoba wanted him healthy for whatever he had in store for him.

“Aah, in any case, it’s been quite a while since I last saw you both. I’ve missed you a lot, we normally play together almost daily so all these days have felt like so long,” Aoba said with a cute little pout.

Noiz felt terribly nervous, not buying Aoba’s lightheartedness one bit. His anxiety was making him irritated, wanting Aoba to just get on with it and reveal what horrible punishment he had planned for Noiz.

“I’ve been thinking of nothing but how much I wanted to come back to you two these past days. I’ve really missed you, especially _you_ ,” Aoba directed his attention towards Koujaku at that last part. “You missed me too, right, Koujaku?” Koujaku growled almost gently in response and Noiz stared incredulously at him. Couldn’t the idiot see how fake Aoba was being?

“You’ve been such a good boy, too, taking care of Noiz for me while I was gone,” Aoba cooed lovingly at Koujaku, the beast grumbling in reply and Noiz could barely refrain from rolling his eyes.

“I’m so happy we’re back together again. I want to get back to playing with you both ag-”

“Ok, cut the bullshit.”

Noiz had enough.

“Eeeh?” Aoba’s wide eyes of mock innocence didn’t fool him.

“I know you’re pissed your beast fucked me when you brought me to his cell,” Noiz said flatly, his voice calm through his nerves, “So cut the bullshit and just say what you’re going to do to me already.”

Aoba eyed him with interest, an eyebrow raised. Then, he started laughing, his voice light and pleasant as he shook his head.

“Ah, you’ve got it all wrong,” he said with a grin, “I’m not angry. I’m not going to do anything to you, not what you have in mind, at least.”

Noiz shot him a suspicious look, not fully understanding what Aoba was saying. What was Aoba planning then?

“What do you mean?”

Aoba’s grin widened.

“I _was_ surprised by what happened last time but I’m really not angry at all. Quite the contrary in fact.” Aoba’s eyes had a playful gleam.

“When I first brought you into Koujaku’s cell, I honestly thought it wouldn’t go any further than Koujaku becoming enraged and me Scrapping him to stop him from killing you but..”

A near murder would have been less noteworthy to Aoba than what actually happened and just what he’d thrown Noiz into the cell for, of course. Noiz was reminded it had all been a game to Aoba from the start, a game that got out of hand and ended in an unexpected way. Resentment bubbled in Noiz’ guts at being toyed with and having to fear the consequences on himself if Aoba didn’t happen to like the results of his twisted diversions.

The older boy fiddled with one of the tassels in his hair as he continued, “After seeing what happened, I actually thought you and Koujaku made a good match, so I don’t want to separate you. Watching you two together was a _pleasure_ , after all,” Aoba said with a small laugh.

_What?_

Noiz stared at him, dumbfounded, his mind slowly registering Aoba’s words. Had he heard right? Had Aoba actually implied-

“You-” Noiz stammered, unable to complete his sentence.

Was Aoba fucking with him? Noiz looked over to Koujaku, seeking some sort of help from him in figuring Aoba out but Koujaku just stared at him in mild confusion, not seeming to find anything out of the ordinary about Aoba.

Of course he wouldn’t, Noiz had to remind himself that Koujaku was already used to all sorts of insanity from _this_ version of Aoba.

“Hmm?” Aoba’s smile turned sweet, his fingers still playing with his hair ornament. Noiz' tongue managed to find words again.

"You're kidding, right?"

The older boy put a hand to his chest as he frowned in feigned offense.

"I'm being completely honest with you!"

Was he really? 

“You actually _liked_ watching us?” Noiz couldn’t keep the incredulity from his voice.

Aoba’s eyes lit up, corners of his lips twitching up.

“I _loved_ watching you both. I couldn’t keep you out of my mind afterwards,” Aoba sighed wistfully, “I wanted to see you two fuck again so badly, It’s all I’ve been thinking about these past days.”

The anxiety slowly started to evaporate from the blond’s body.

"I meant every word I said when I first came in," Aoba said, "I truly am happy we're back together again."

Fears of solitary confinement were steadily assuaged.

“So you’re... really not angry?” Noiz asked with a certain degree of caution.

“How could something I’ve been wanting to see again so much anger me?” Aoba replied.

Noiz breathed in deeply, relief swamping his whole core.

While drowning amidst inked skin and long, red hair in the past days, Noiz had worried about Aoba’s eventual jealous retribution and in his daze, he’d forgotten to take into account just how much of a devious pervert this side of Aoba really was. Aoba had actually _liked_ seeing his one true love Koujaku brutally fucking Noiz. The perverted little twink had probably spent the past week and more jerking off to the thought of it over and over again, only now emerging from his bedroom when the visuals in his mind weren't enough to satisfy him anymore and he craved the real thing too much.

Noiz almost laughed from how relieved he felt, thanking a god he didn’t worship for Aoba’s utter lewdness.

There had been nothing to worry about, in the end. Noiz could indulge Aoba’s voyeuristic perversions if it meant not being thrown back into an empty cell to shiver and rot on his own once more. Koujaku’s company was far too valuable and if Noiz had to lie under the beast with his legs in the air in front of Aoba in order to keep it, it was a small price to pay; he’d done worse in the past for much less.

Noiz felt new found confidence now that he knew what Aoba wanted and he was certain he’d be able to meet his jailer’s demands.

Aoba had a lopsided grin on his face.

“Did thinking I was angry make you nervous? Why, Noiz, were you scaaared?” The white haired boy wiggled his fingers for emphasis.

Noiz scoffed.

“Pfeh, you fucking wish.”

Years of pretending not to care had Noiz mastering the art of feigning apathy and nonchalance. With a mask of indifference, he looked into Aoba’s eyes as if to prove a lack of fear he’d definitely felt some moments ago.

Aoba looked back at him with mirth.

“Last time, you were really into it even with me as a spectator, so I’m sure you won’t have any problems with that, right?”

Noiz kept his face impassive.

“I should have guessed from the start you'd be into this sort of shit. You really just want to watch, then.”

The atmosphere rapidly changed as Aoba’s lids lowered, the tip of his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“I _did_ feel a little lonely when I was just watching, though,” Aoba replied in mock sadness, “It’s impossible to not feel a little left out while you two have all the fun, right? So,” Aoba stepped forward, his hands coming to the front of his robes, “I'd like to join in, this time.”

With that, Aoba promptly undid his robes at astonishing speed and dropped them from his body.

Koujaku growled in interest while Noiz gaped.

Noiz had not been prepared for this, the suddenly bared body before him stunning him into silence.

Aoba’s nakedness truly brought out how svelte he was, with slender shoulders covered by red sleeves, a narrow chest and the most delicate waist. His body got a bit wider at the hips, but not wide enough to make up for his slightness, and his long legs were covered by red thigh-highs. Aoba’s alabaster skin was littered with fading claw marks and bite marks, soon-to-be scars. Despite all the marks, his skin still managed to look soft to the touch, as much as Noiz could imagine it.

Noiz’ eyes took in all of Aoba’s body, slowly following the lines and curves of it. It was a huge contrast from Koujaku’s body. Where Koujaku was broad and firm Aoba was narrow and pliant; where Koujaku was rough, Aoba was soft. How could Aoba’s small body withstand the brutal treatment of Koujaku’s powerfully built one? Koujaku could easily crush Aoba with the amount of power those inked arms held; the fact Koujaku hadn’t done so spoke of the vast amount of restraint he possessed, even as a beast.

Noiz’ gaze was then drawn to Aoba’s pretty cock, the tip dusted pink and the length already half-hard. He felt himself stir just from looking at it.

Aoba smirked, “Like what you see?” He slowly ran his own hand over his chest, teasing his fingers over a pale pink nipple before trailing them lower down his abdomen. Noiz followed the movements, captivated, while Koujaku growled low at the sight.

“If I remember correctly, Noiz, you used to have a little thing for Aoba, right? And I _am_ just another side of ‘Aoba’ so…”

The white haired boy then sank to his knees and slowly crawled the rest of his way towards Noiz in deliberate, languid movements.

Everything had rapidly taken a sudden turn for the debauched, going from fear of solitary cells to talks of voyeurism to Aoba now naked on his hands and knees, leaving even a fellow pervert like Noiz stumped; he could barely process what was going on, all he knew for certain was that his cock had taken a keen interest in the events unfolding.

The blond could only watch as if hypnotized the exaggerated sway of Aoba’s hips as he crawled, the curves of his plump ass rolling from side to side. The boy’s movements had the fluidity of a snake’s, and his eyes were enticingly sultry, playful little smirk still on his lips. Long, white hair was brushed back as Aoba reached Noiz and looked into his eyes, his own half-lidded.

“You wouldn’t mind too much having me around, now would you, Noiz?” Aoba purred, gently holding Noiz’ face with his hands, “We could have a lot of fun together.”

Was this really happening? Aoba actually wanted to join in and Noiz’ cock hardened even more at the thought. Aoba was undoubtedly attractive and all sorts of depraved images started flashing through Noiz’ mind, each filthier than the last. It was like one of his dirtiest pornos come true, only bloodier. The three of them, right there, in Koujaku’s cell-

His train of thought halted.

The cell.

Koujaku and Noiz were locked in a cell by Aoba. They were both powerless prisoners that were yet again going to be used as playthings for Aoba’s amusement. These were facts that should have infuriated Noiz but he had been willing to disregard them a second ago in favor of his cock.

Noiz’ thoughts soured as he remembered that this was their jailer, who was currently batting his pretty lashes at him. This boy was the reason the whole island was falling under Toue’s control, but now the way he was nibbling his bottom lip was nothing but a temptation. Being so turned on by the idea of this Aoba joining them in a fucked up threesome was undeniably wrong. Besides-

Noiz tried to glare at Aoba, trying to muster up some token resistance.

“You’re not giving me much of a choice in this as usual, are you?” He said through his teeth.

This would be like Aoba’s previous experiments on his body, whether Noiz wanted this or not didn’t really matter did it? It would still happen either way.

Aoba was unfazed by the accusatory inquiry, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Would you really refuse even if I did?”

Noiz almost flinched.

That was a good point.

For all that he was at Aoba’s mercy with little to no choice in anything the older boy decided, if Noiz was equal in power to Aoba, even with everything Aoba had done, Noiz was unsure he’d refuse such a blatant invitation to Aoba’s body.

Aoba leaned in even closer to him.

“You can do whatever you like to me,” Aoba said sweetly, “Let whatever frustrations you have out on me, I won’t mind.”

The lithe frame, the expanse of pale skin before him, the honeyed words falling from sinfully soft lips; It was all a siren song Noiz found less and less reasons to resist.

“We both,” their noses were brushing now,  “Like the same things, after all.” Aoba licked his lips, “Together we could feel,” his sweet breath was directly on Noiz’ lips “So good.”

This was the breaking point.

Noiz was locked in a cell under Oval Tower and he wouldn’t be escaping any time soon; he was still a little drunk on relief, he’d never been the righteous type and he had little to no shame.

Why resist?

Noiz hissed in irritation and bit harshly into Aoba’s bottom lip. Koujaku growled and Aoba let out a high pitched squeak. He then laughed, pressing his lip harder into Noiz’ teeth and humming contentedly.

Noiz’ hands found themselves on Aoba’s hips, gripping hard enough to bruise as he initiated a devouring kiss, immediately pushing his tongue past Aoba’s lips and plunging inside, wanting to feel all of his mouth. Aoba responded enthusiastically but with slower movements, his tongue sliding against Noiz’ cloyingly, trying to coax him into a more sensual rhythm but Noiz wasn’t having it.

Noiz knew he shouldn’t have been doing this with Aoba. Aoba worked with Toue and had imprisoned him along with Clear and Mink. This side of Aoba reveled in destruction and liked playing twisted games with others for his own amusement.

But It was a lost battle when Noiz had been faced with Aoba’s charms. He’d always been interested in Aoba, always felt an undeniable attraction towards the boy. If Aoba presented himself to Noiz so wantonly, Noiz wouldn’t resist what was offered; he’d never pretended to be a virtuous man, above the pull of carnal desires or any of that bullshit, he wasn’t Mink. If Aoba enticed him and they both desired each other, Noiz wouldn’t fight back. Freedom wouldn’t be found through resistance, there was no point, so he willingly fell into temptation.

It didn’t mean Noiz would forget what Aoba had done or magically like him now, he knew how to hold a grudge. It just meant he wanted to fuck Aoba, go only as deeply into him as Aoba’s body would allow and no further. They both were similar in their fucked up ways but there was no other connection and Noiz wasn’t seeking any from him.

His hands slid up Aoba’s sides to the slight waist, pressing hard around it. No matter how hard he pressed, he couldn’t feel the texture of Aoba’s skin so he settled for feeling the bones under his harsh grip. Noiz was probably hurting Aoba but the older boy didn’t complain in the slightest, instead placing his hands over Noiz’ own.

Aoba liked feeling pressure on himself as well as his skin being pierced and torn, reminding Noiz how alike they were when it came to what they considered pleasure. He pressed his mouth harder against Aoba’s, relishing the pressure that formed between them as his tongue kept sliding inside the boy’s warm mouth.

Noiz suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder, accompanied by the feeling of sharpness digging into his skin.

He parted from Aoba and turned to the one grasping him.

Koujaku had his hands on them both, breathing heavily and dark lust clouding his eyes as he looked them over. The beast had clearly been enjoying the show in front of him.

Koujaku was a world of difference from this Aoba, making Noiz feel, both physically and emotionally. The older man was generous with his warmth and care, often surprisingly gentle as well for someone of his strength. As different as Noiz and Koujaku were, the blond felt oddly safe and at ease with the beast. Noiz’ interest in him went past desire alone, the man’s presence alone keeping him from feeling suffocated in his imprisonment.

Aoba turned to Koujaku and wrapped his arms around him, looking adoringly up at him.

“Oh, Koujaku, I haven’t forgotten about you. You know I will always love you most of all. I’m yours, remember?” Aoba then pulled him down for a deep kiss, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. Koujaku readily accepted the kiss with a soft growl and Aoba moaned happily into his mouth, blushing a deep red that contrasted starkly with his ivory skin.

Noiz took the opportunity to let his eyes wander to Aoba’s ample, plush backside, the only part of Aoba that was large. The boy’s long hair had grown past his bottom and swayed ever so slightly in front of it. Noiz was tempted to brush it away to get a better view of those supple cheeks.

Noiz failed to notice at first when Koujaku reached out to pull both Aoba and Noiz closer to him, holding the two boys close while still entangling his tongue with Aoba’s. Noiz tried to wriggle out of the grasp with a huff but was just pulled more firmly against Koujaku’s chest.

Aoba giggled into Koujaku’s mouth and separated from him, “You really are greedy. You want us both all to yourself, huh?” Aoba teased as he traced a porcelain finger across Koujaku’s jaw, “Of course you’ll get to have us. You get to be as greedy as you want today.”

Aoba grabbed Koujaku’s face and peered into his eyes with a dreamy sigh.

“Of course, you already left your mark on Noiz, so it’s my turn for now,” Aoba whispered breathily, “Carve into me, leave me completely covered by your claim.”

Noiz shuddered at Aoba’s seductive voice, his demands holding promises of a blood-soaked show.

Koujaku had been listening intently, his chest heaving at Aoba’s words, gaze darkening with barely repressed desire as his grip on Aoba and Noiz tightened.

Aoba tilted his head, brushing his long, white hair back as he whispered, “Come on, mark me as yours so everyone can see who I belong to.”

Koujaku didn’t need to be told twice, letting go of Noiz to focus exclusively on Aoba.

Aoba pulled at Koujaku until the man was lying on top of him. Then, he opened his arms up to him and angled his neck towards him, clearly offering himself to him, his slight chest heaving with his fast breaths.

Noiz moved the side to get a better view and watched, intrigued and almost excited to see what he’d only ever heard from the cell next door play out in front of him. Aoba looked so small and fragile under Koujaku, and the beast was already huge against Noiz’ own frame so he was interested in seeing Koujaku’s strength being used against Aoba’s body.

Koujaku slowly took in what was being offered to him. For a moment, he almost seemed to hesitate, just hovering over Aoba, golden irises tracing Aoba’s body. Noiz had started to think Koujaku would pull back but then, as if a switch had been flipped inside him, Koujaku lowered his mouth to Aoba’s neck and sank his teeth in. One of his big hands groped at the white haired boy’s chest; after caressing the pale skin, he ran his claws across it, blood welling up under the sharp nails. 

Although the actions held a certain care behind them, the biting and clawing had to be severely painful but Aoba was moaning loudly in what could only be interpreted as pleasure, even smiling underneath his bright blush.

Koujaku sucked the blood from Aoba’s neck, running his claws down his sides next. The older man bit his way down to a prominent collarbone, his arms wrapping around Aoba and his nails raking his back now. Going lower, Koujaku nipped at one of Aoba’s nipples, then wrapped his lips around it and sucked eagerly, drawing a whimper from the boy’s mouth.

Noiz caught himself staring at Aoba’s blissful face, looking at the tears shining at the corners of his eyes. The blond was taken in by how at home Aoba was with pain, as if pain and pleasure were indistinguishable from each other to him. Suppressing his envy as Aoba writhed in pleasure entwined with pain, Noiz tried to focus instead on the wonder he felt.

Was this how the easily flustered Aoba he’d met all those months ago had truly been all along? Under the mask of decency Aoba used to insist on wearing, had he always secretly craved pain?

If Noiz suddenly obtained his full sense of touch and the ability to feel pain along with it, would he end up just as enamoured with pain as Aoba?

Koujaku turned his attention to Aoba’s other nipple, his large palms sliding down to Aoba’s pillowy ass cheeks, giving them a good squeeze. Going further down Aoba’s body, he sank his fangs into every part of untouched skin he found, leaving more bloody marks behind each bite. Aoba’s back arched gracefully and Noiz found himself wanting him so much he could barely stand it. As he looked at Aoba’s face, he thought the way his eyes closed, lashes brushing against his reddened cheeks as his wet mouth fell open, made him look beautiful.

Aoba’s eyes then opened and locked with Noiz’, holding his gaze for a few seconds. A moment later, the boy was pulling on Koujaku’s hair to get him off of him.

“Ah, that’s enough, Koujaku.” Aoba sat up and gave Koujaku’s lips a quick peck.

Aoba pushed the beast aside, ignoring Koujaku’s growl of annoyance and pulled himself over to Noiz in one fluid motion, taking one of Noiz’ hands and guiding it to his own chest, pushing Noiz’ fingers into the claw marks Koujaku had left on it with a soft laugh. He reached out with his other hand to Noiz’ chest and dug his fingers in one of Noiz’ own wounds.

Noiz’ felt a tingle run through his chest as his fingers sank into bloodied flesh and Aoba gasped, probably from the pain he felt. Noiz then took his fingers out, wrapped his arms around Aoba’s back and pulled the boy closer to him, with Koujaku’s growls of impatience loud in the background.

The desire Noiz felt for Aoba was different than the one he felt for Koujaku. With Koujaku, he wanted to be enveloped by him, feel the might of his muscles against his body and have him deep inside. With Aoba, he wanted to watch his pretty face slack in the throes of ecstasy, feel his slim body against his own sturdier one and feel how tight his insides would be around his cock.

Noiz’ buried his face in Aoba’s neck and ran his tongue across it, wanting to know what his skin felt like.

Aoba’s skin was soft, silky, and Noiz could feel the indentations from the bite marks Koujaku had left behind. It wasn’t as warm as Koujaku’s had been but it was still very pleasant. Noiz trailed his tongue downwards, to the boy’s collarbone and down to his chest. Aoba’s skin felt soft all over, even underneath the scarred, uneven parts of it and he was ridiculously sensitive too, moaning from tonguing that had previously left Koujaku thoroughly unimpressed a few days before. If Aoba was this sensitive, shouldn’t Koujaku’s recent treatment of his body have been agonizing? But if his hard, leaking cock was any indication, he had enjoyed every minute of it.

Aoba’s body was then jerked, dislodging Noiz’ mouth. Looking up, he realized Aoba was being pulled on by a restless Koujaku who was growing tired of foreplay. Aoba laughed and batted him off.

“Oh, Koujaku, be a little patient. You’ll get to have one of us very soon.”

Koujaku snarled in displeasure, clearly unused to waiting for anything. Aoba kissed his cheek, stroking his tangled hair reassuringly.

“I promise it won’t take long. Just wait a little bit more, ok?”

Though still baring his teeth disagreeably, Koujaku let go of Aoba and sat back while grumbling under his breath, his obedience earning him a pat to the head along with a cheerful “good boy”. Aoba’s masterful taming of the beast was more than a little impressive.

The white haired boy turned back to Noiz, eyes bright.

“I have an idea of something fun we could try.”

“Something fun” should have rang alarm bells in his head but Noiz had always been open to experimentation, so instead all he felt was a slight tingle of anticipation surge through him as he wondered what Aoba had in mind.

Aoba sank down on the floor until he was lying down on his side with his back to Koujaku. With a jerk of his chin, he gestured for Noiz to get behind him.

“Lie down behind me.”

Noiz understood the position Aoba wanted and he did as he was told, getting behind Aoba and pressing up against his back, spooning him. It felt like an oddly affectionate position but it wasn’t unpleasant, Noiz’ arms automatically wrapping around the slim body and his nostrils filling with Aoba’s sweet scent. The close contact between their bodies created an illusion of intimacy that Noiz found himself enjoying a little too much as his hands slid in smooth circles over skin he could barely feel, his mouth pressing soft kisses to the side of Aoba’s neck. Aoba exhaled roughly, his legs rubbing together.

“C’mon, that’s enough,” Aoba squirmed impatiently in his arms, “I want to feel you inside me already. I’ve always wondered what your piercings would feel like.”

Noiz briefly wondered where Koujaku would fit into this but his own impatient lust pushed his thoughts aside. Spreading Aoba’s thighs with his leg, he brought one of his hands up to the older boy’s face and pressed two fingers to his lips. Aoba glanced back at him, confused.

“I should prepare you,” Noiz explained simply.

Aoba shook his head.

“I don’t want you to, just enter me already and don’t be gentle about it either. I want it hard and fast”

That would probably be extremely painful for Aoba but Noiz shrugged. It was no doubt what Aoba wanted, for it to hurt as much as possible and honestly, the more painful it was for Aoba, the better it would feel to Noiz’ dulled skin.

Noiz slid a hand down Aoba’s back all the way to his ass, cupping a cheek and squeezing it, enjoying the plumpness for a moment before parting it and pressing his cock to the rim of Aoba’s entrance.

With his right arm curled around Aoba’s chest, he drove his cock inside in one long, unrelenting movement.

Aoba cried out, his hands coming up to grip at the arm around his chest, blunt nails digging in. Noiz grit his teeth as he kept pushing in, hand spreading Aoba’s ass, eyes fixed on the way his cock disappeared inch by inch into the tight hole clenching down on him. When his hips were flush against Aoba’s, he leaned into the crook of his neck and breathed out, not realizing until then that he’d been holding his breath.

Noiz panted into the ivory skin in front of him, resisting the overpowering urge to start pounding away to give his partner a moment to adjust. Aoba felt opressingly tight around him and there was also another distant sensation engulfing his cock that Noiz recognized as his skin’s immensely dulled perception of heat. Aoba must have been exceedingly warm inside for even Noiz to be able to feel it and the thought made the blond shiver with want, the need to thrust only growing stronger.

Aoba let out a small, shaky laugh between harsh breaths, his left hand leaving Noiz’ arm to reach behind himself and grip the blond’s backside. Eyes a little hazy, he glanced over his shoulder with a little smirk and called out to the neglected beast.

“Kou-ja-ku~ Noiz is ready for you now.”

A roar of satisfaction answered him, followed by the rattling of chains.

Noiz blinked.

_Huh?_

Before Noiz could ask what Aoba meant, he registered movement behind him and all too quickly, the large, firm mass of Koujaku’s body was pressing to his back. Low growling reached his ears as a big hand reached down to hurriedly spread his cheeks apart and he now understood what Aoba’s fun idea had been. Noiz thought that he should have seen this coming, he really should have, but his jaw still dropped in disbelief when he felt the tip of Koujaku’s cock prodding at his hole, his own dick still sheathed inside Aoba.

Noiz didn’t even get the time to take in the situation he was in before Koujaku's huge cock was ramming into him, knocking all the breath out of him.

The beast wasn’t one to give his bedmates even a second to get used to his length or any of that nonsense; Noiz couldn’t even cry out after the initial thrust, Koujaku’s relentless, animalistic force making it hard to breathe. He could only let his breath out in loud gasps as he clung to Aoba, Koujaku’s cock dragging and pulling against his inner walls in delicious ways he now knew and craved so much.

Being fucked so roughly by Koujaku would have been more than enough to completely satisfy Noiz. The vicious rhythm of the thrusts inside him accompanied by the strong grip holding him in place and the feral growling behind him already had his toes curling and his eyes watering.

But then Aoba started moving and Noiz saw stars.

Moaning openly, Aoba rocked his hips back and forth onto Noiz’ dick at an immediate, harsh pace that was fast enough to create the friction necessary for Noiz to feel it. Aoba’s unrestrained, beautiful voice only got Noiz harder still and his sharp movements made the tight walls of his insides tug and pull at Noiz’ piercings delightfully, the friction feeling all the better from it.

Noiz' hips moved back and forth as he was slammed into by Koujaku while Aoba fucked himself on his dick. The overwhelming pleasure of the dual sensations pulled his own voice out of his throat as he loudly cried out, his nails digging into Aoba’s skin.

Aoba laughed between moans, turning his face to the blond and reaching behind to cup his face.

“How does it -Ah!- how does it feel?” Aoba asked breathily, his hips never ceasing their movements, “How does it feel… to be taken from both sides… at the same time?”

Noiz could barely form coherent thoughts, much less words, and Aoba must have seen it too because he laughed again, pulling Noiz’ face close to his and locking their lips together in a messy kiss. Koujaku then bit into Noiz’ nape and the younger boy moaned helplessly into Aoba’s mouth, surrendering himself to the intensity of the sensations.

Aoba nipped his lip as their mouths parted and pressed their foreheads together.

“You can _feel_ this, right, baby?” Half-lidded white eyes peered into green ones and an open-mouthed smile widened Aoba’s pale lips, “Being between us means... you get to feel the most pleasure... and look at you,” Aoba then bit his own lip, looking positively delighted under his bright blush, “You're _feeling_ us... _so_ much right now.”

It was true. With both of them taking him from both ends, it was impossible _not_ to feel. It suddenly hit Noiz that Aoba, mindful of his condition, had very deliberately placed him in the middle so that he’d be able to feel the most. In a way, it could even be seen as Aoba’s own kinky way of showing care and consideration.

It was almost endearing.

“ _Yes_ ,” Noiz managed to sob out, grabbing Aoba’s face and sloppily pressing their lips together again, grateful in his delirium for Aoba’s own brand of thoughtfulness.

Koujaku nipped at Noiz’ neck and shoulder as he fucked him hard and fast, his forceful thrusts brushing against that one spot inside him that felt so amazingly good while at the same time, Aoba snapped his hips with perfect tempo, letting his own pleasure be known through his lovely, wanton moans, his walls squeezing Noiz’ cock deliciously tight.

Sparks coursing through his body, Noiz lost track of time as the daze of pleasure blurred his’ vision, his spine wracked with shivers. Drool formed at the corner of his mouth, his nails raking down pale, bloodied skin as he was jolted back and forth between Koujaku and Aoba. Pressure coiled low in his belly as the thrusts sped up, just waiting to be released. As much as Noiz wanted to make the moment last, there was simply no way he would be able to hold on with so much stimulation from both sides. It was fucking and being fucked at the same time, the best of both acts combined to bring the sweetest pleasure.

It was twisted and sick how only in imprisonment that choked him so much he’d finally managed to _feel_ something when violence and anger he’d brought onto himself in freedom had gotten him nowhere. Only in dreaded confinement he’d found pieces of what he’d been looking for all his life.

It was as if he could only get what he wanted through adversity.

Koujaku sucking hard on his neck, a well-aimed thrust inside him, Aoba grinding down on his cock and Noiz’ thoughts were wiped from his mind; he couldn’t take it anymore.

He screamed when he reached his peak, feeling his own muscles clench tightly around Koujaku as he spilled into Aoba, body trembling from the hot white pleasure crashing down on him, reaching all the way to his toes and blanking out his mind for several long, blissful seconds.

When the wave of overwhelming pleasure washed away and he came down from his high, his now exhausted body was still being used, both Koujaku and Aoba still taking their pleasure from it. Noiz gasped through the overstimulation he felt after his orgasm, one he’d often feel after coming during sex with Koujaku due to his body not being used to so much sensation. Clenching his teeth, he did his best to endure it as he waited for the other two to reach their limits.

Not long afterwards, Aoba followed, coming with a cry, squirming as he pumped himself through his climax. Koujaku came almost immediately after, giving one last, deep thrust before coming to a stop, groaning loudly.

Koujaku and Aoba panted as they came down from their orgasms, both out of breath. Koujaku rested his forehead against Noiz’ neck, who felt sloppy and boneless, completely spent.

The three of them lay on the floor for a while in a tangle of limbs, catching their breath, and Noiz could distantly feel the dull pinpricks of Koujaku stroking his side. Aoba’s heart, before beating so hard that Noiz could feel it against his palm, slowed down and wound down until Noiz couldn’t feel it anymore.

After a long while of calmness had passed, Aoba shifted and turned his head back to Noiz.

“We should go to the showers,” Aoba said cheerfully, “We’re quite a mess.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

  
Noiz was standing against the tiled wall, washing up and having a hard time feeling the water falling down around him. Aoba was on his knees next to a sitting Koujaku, laughing happily as he was trying to wash the beast.

They were currently in communal showers close to the dungeons, next to the operation room Aoba used to take Noiz to. They were empty and seemed to be largely unused except by them, which was something Noiz was completely fine with.

Aoba was having a great time washing Koujaku, who kept shaking his head and spraying water everywhere from his red mane like a huge, misbehaving dog. Noiz himself was scrubbing at all the dried fluids sticking stubbornly to his body (mostly blood), some of them being more than a week old. He hoped Aoba would let them shower at more frequent intervals in the future, which he was hopeful about considering Koujaku had been relatively clean the day Noiz had been taken to his cell, suggesting that Aoba washed him regularly enough. Aoba had also mentioned that he’d clean Noiz’ wounds more thoroughly after their shower, so that was a good thing, too.

As he watched the reddened water swirl down the drain, Noiz thought that he could get used to this side of Aoba. They were both similarly fucked up and liked most of the same things; he’d be lying if he said that what they’d done together hadn’t been pleasurable. Aoba had made sure that Noiz would feel it as much as possible and the blond couldn’t help feeling a bit touched by that, despite his lingering resentment towards the older boy regarding his imprisonment.

Noiz also felt slightly bad for Mink; having to listen to the plethora of sounds their perversities produced from his cell must not have been fun for a man like him.

“Aah, Koujaku!”

Noiz raised an eyebrow and looked over to the source of the cry that echoed against the walls.

The blond almost rolled his eyes at the sight before him. Of course showering would just end up in more sex where Aoba was concerned.

Aoba was now sitting on Koujaku’s lap, one arm around the man’s collared neck, legs tight around his waist. Koujaku was cupping Aoba’s ass in one hand, moving him up and down on his cock easily with his sheer strength, and he was holding one of Aoba’s hands in his in an unexpected show of sentimentality. Aoba claimed Koujaku’s lips in a hungry kiss, moaning blissfully into his mouth and Koujaku responded eagerly in the only way he knew, sinking his teeth into Aoba’s lips and licking up the blood.

Despite feeling himself getting aroused by the display before him, Noiz also felt rather inadequate. This Aoba would frequently loudly proclaim his love for Koujaku and seeing as he was Aoba’s desire, it meant the old Aoba must have loved Koujaku just as much as well. The old Koujaku had clearly loved Aoba and the beast he now was still showed his love in the way he obeyed even this version of Aoba. They both loved each other and Noiz felt like the odd one out. He definitely wasn’t in love with Aoba and he could recognize his jumbled feelings for Koujaku as pathetic, in the way he’d clung to the beast like the needy, unloved child he was in the days Aoba had been absent.

It wasn’t love, though; Noiz’ feelings could be summed up to something full of need, instead, hard for him to describe but similar to desperation. In any case, the beast didn’t love him either. Koujaku cared about him, for some reason he still didn’t understand but it wasn’t love. It didn’t really matter anyway, he’d always known love wasn’t for him and he’d always been prepared for that so it didn’t come as any sort of surprise.

But he still felt inadequate, like he didn’t belong between Koujaku, Aoba and their weird love that transcended beastly transformations and broken minds.

His feelings of inadequacy weren’t enough for him to refuse their new arrangement, however. If Aoba wanted the three of them together, Noiz would take what he could get if it meant getting to stay with Koujaku and having the chance to feel as many sensations as he could. The fact that he remained unloved didn’t matter when he could be feeling actual pleasure and care, which was much more than he’d ever felt before in his whole life.

It would be more than enough for him.

Aoba’s cries were getting louder now. Koujaku was moving his small body harder and faster on his hard flesh, barely exerting any effort from his powerful muscles. Aoba dug his blunt nails into Koujaku’s back, shivered violently, throwing his head back, and then-

- _Something_ happened.

Noiz leaned forward to get a better look. _Something_ flickered in Aoba’s eyes when he came. Koujaku must have noticed it too because he stopped moving immediately, let go of Aoba’s hand and wrapped his arms around the boy’s back, holding him close. Not a second too soon, either, as Aoba suddenly went eerily limp, eyes glazed over, lips slightly parted.

Long seconds passed by, Aoba still lying limply in Koujaku’s arms, eyes unblinking and unseeing.

Noiz didn’t know what to feel. This was his jailer possibly having a sex-induced seizure of some sort. This could have been his chance to make a break for it but at the same time, this didn’t leave him that many escape options seeing as he was naked and weaponless, with Oval Tower crawling with guards and Alphas, but he _could_ rummage through Aoba’s robes and-

Noiz’ train of thought was interrupted when Aoba’s eyes flickered again and he blinked, presumably getting his consciousness back, but he looked different. Very different. His gaze looked much softer, almost innocent, much less like the sharp, playful gaze Noiz had gotten used to from the new Aoba. Aoba now almost looked like the old Aoba he’d met nearly a year ago, only much paler.

No, it wasn’t just an “almost”.

Noiz’ eyes widened.

Aoba looked _exactly_ like the old Aoba he’d met nearly a year ago.

A small gasp of discomfort came out of Aoba’s mouth and he squirmed a bit, as if uncomfortable with the position he found himself in when just minutes ago, he’d happily been taking Koujaku’s cock. Noiz studied his features, the gestures and expressions much more at home on an Aoba he’d met months ago than on the newer Aoba he’d recently been getting to know. It really _was_ as if the old Aoba had just taken over.

Could it really be?

Koujaku was looking at Aoba’s face with something akin to tenderness. Then he opened his mouth.

“A..o..ba.”

Noiz almost choked.

In the days Aoba had been absent, Noiz had seen Koujaku struggle and ultimately fail multiple times to form words. And now he managed to say Aoba’s name almost effortlessly?

_What the hell?_

“Koujaku.”

Aoba stopped his squirming in favor of speaking, his voice soft, much less haughty than before. _This really is the old Aoba_ , Noiz realized with shock.

“Just... wait for me... a little longer,” Aoba said with an earnest expression on his face, “Just a bit more... I’m almost out, and I’ll get us all out of here... I promise.”

Koujaku brought a hand to Aoba’s face and gently placed it there. Aoba leaned into it and put his own hand over Koujaku’s.

“Just a little more,” Aoba assured, “I’m almost there.”

Koujaku growled softly in understanding.

“Noiz.”

Noiz jumped up as Aoba called out to him. He looked over to Aoba and locked eyes with him. Aoba looked apologetically up at him.

“I’m sorry.”

Noiz didn’t really know what to respond to that. The Aoba that had imprisoned him was supposed to be Aoba’s true desires so why was the old Aoba trying to work against him? Why was he sorry? But Aoba truly did look regretful so it was just confusing.

How did Aoba’s mind really work?

Before Noiz could figure out what to reply, Aoba had once again gone limp in Koujaku’s arms again, eyes glazed over. A long moment passed, and Noiz was getting slightly worried but Koujaku was as calm as could be, which was how Noiz realized this wasn’t a first time occurrence and something that had likely happened several times before already, Koujaku having gone through it enough times to get used to it.

After what seemed an eternity, Aoba’s body jerked and he was gasping loudly, chest heaving, sharpness in his eyes back. Grasping his head, hissing, he looked around him with an irritated expression.

“Damnit, stupid fucking-”

Aoba kept cursing under his breath, clearly angry. Muttering more expletives, he tried to move but realized with a little jolt that Koujaku was still hard inside him. Looking up at his beast, some of his displeasure was brushed to the side.

“Oh, Koujaku, you’re not done yet? You can finish now if you want.”

Koujaku heeded Aoba's words, pushing him down on the tiled floor with a grunt and resuming his thrusts as if nothing had happened.

As Koujaku pounded into Aoba to find his own release, Noiz thought back on the other Aoba’s words. He’d said to wait a little longer, and that he’d get them out of here. Did that mean the old Aoba would take over? Desire Aoba had said before Past Aoba had fallen into despair from failing at Koujaku’s Scrap but judging by Koujaku’s reactions, Past Aoba’s appearances were actually fairly common.

Aoba getting his old self back could actually be a game changer. Though Noiz didn’t fully understand it, his old self seemed determined to get them all out of the tower, which almost certainly meant bringing Toue down as well.

With this new development, maybe they wouldn’t all be stuck trapped in Oval Tower until they died after all, maybe there _was_ hope of escape and with that, hope for the entire island.

Noiz was shocked out of his thoughts when he felt the pressure of a hand closing around his cock.

Looking down, he saw Aoba kneeling down before him, little smirk tugging at the corner of his pale lips, grip tightening on Noiz’ cock. When had Koujaku even finished?

Aoba’s gaze locked with his, pale eyes hardening.

“I’m the main one running the show, _he_ ’s not coming back, regardless of what you saw. But that’s fine, right?” Aoba said with a brow raised, “Because I, too, am ‘Aoba’”

With that said, Aoba put his lips to Noiz’ cock and closed his mouth around it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys! A few parting notes:
> 
> \- The relationship between the three main characters in this story will eventually develop into a poly relationship (as much of a relationship as it can be called given the circumstances), with feelings between the three of them being shared and divided fairly equally, although leaning towards both Aoba and Noiz clinging to Koujaku more than to each other at first.
> 
> \- I actually did some research on the position used in the main smut scene for this chapter. It's actually very feasible, you guys, trust me, I know!
> 
> \- This story is self-indulgently very sexual, with a lot of emotions accompanying all the debauchery of course, so sex is to be expected very regularly. I hope you don't mind!
> 
> \- I don't know how long this fic will be, I'm bad at guessing length, but it will turn deceivingly "fluffy" for a bit and then progressively darker as it goes. Please mind the warnings!
> 
> \- A few anons who've read this fic have found my tumblr (not very hard considering the url, though, lol)! Your messages are very kind and I'm very happy you're enjoying this fic but I encourage you to leave comments on here instead, as my tumblr is mostly for reblogging random things and I don't post any writing on it. I read all comments left here and I reply to them, I love receiving them so don't be shy, I don't bite!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustration and realizations, along with the comfort found in tangled hair.

It kept happening.

Every time Aoba visited Koujaku and Noiz, it happened again. Aoba would be writhing at the end of a thick cock, gasping under the tearing pain of claws or swallowing around a mouthful of cum and then his entire body would go limp. His mind would then switch over to his other consciousness for a few minutes, Koujaku would always say Aoba’s name (Aoba’s name as far as his vocabulary could go) and the boy would later have no memory of what he’d said or done while the other Aoba took over. The episodes varied in length, the first one Noiz had seen being one of the shorter ones, and the longer ones would sometimes result in Aoba storming out of the cell, infuriated.

Noiz noticed the pattern, noticed how it kept happening whenever Aoba would be about to get fucked by Koujaku, in the middle of it, or by the end of the act. Basically, almost anything involving Koujaku carried with it the risk of drawing forth the other part of Aoba out. Noiz thought Aoba would have learned the dangers Koujaku posed to his own mental balance already but the white haired boy couldn’t seem to be able keep away from the beast for too long.

It was such a common occurrence it stopped being noteworthy to Noiz and even started annoying him a little. The old Aoba would alternate between apologizing to both Noiz and Koujaku and promising it would just be a little longer and that he would soon take over but Noiz was just getting impatient. Why couldn’t he just take over his own body already? Despite what was best for himself, Desire Aoba was fucking Koujaku daily, what more did Aoba need to take over?

Hope made Noiz restless and it was maddening in its annoyance. 

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“Why haven’t you escaped yet?”

Koujaku grumbled, a resigned look on his face, clearly not wanting to listen to Noiz talk about this again.

“I know you could. If you focused enough of your strength into it, you could tear those chains off the wall and pull the door off its hinges. You could go on a rage outside and get us both out of here.”

A harsh breath escaped Koujaku’s lips, his expression still the same.

Noiz was lying in the beast’s arms, long after Aoba had left them for the night.

Thoughts of leaving the damn tower plagued his head, refusing to let him be. He dearly missed the freedom he’d once taken for granted. Privacy, food he actually liked, beds, simply being able to wrap himself in various layers of clothing like he used to were some of the simple things he now truly appreciated and yearned for so badly.

Aoba was being too slow so he’d now been thinking of Koujaku’s might as a possible means of escape but for some stupid reason, the man always seemed reluctant when Noiz would bring the subject up, preferring to stay put like a good, obedient pet. This night was no different, with Koujaku being as opposed as ever to Noiz' one-sided discussions of escape.

Noiz glared at Koujaku, silently calling him all sorts of colorful names for being unhelpful, and turned his back to him.

Koujaku whined, nuzzling Noiz’ neck and pulling him closer. Noiz nudged the man’s face away, stubbornly facing away from him.

“No, I don’t want anything to do with you,” Noiz muttered, “Go be a useless lap dog somewhere else.”

Koujaku grunted in displeasure, stroking Noiz’ chest insistently, refusing to let go.

Noiz chose to ignore him, refusing to acknowledge him and staring at the bars of the cell, trying to keep his thoughts from going back to fruitless ideas of escape.

A familiar smirk on a pale face flashed through Noiz’ mind, bringing a scowl to his own features.

Amidst the frustrations and indignities imprisonment brought, Aoba’s unhinged side was ever present to remind the blond how little what he wanted mattered in this cage; he was just a plaything for Aoba’s amusement.

Noiz had tried the first few days after Aoba had decided to include him in his sessions with Koujaku to try and use his new status as glorified sex toy to get a few simple comforts out of Aoba. First, he had asked for clothes. Aoba had laughed in his face.

“Clothes? What for?” Aoba had asked, “I’ll just rip em off you as soon as I enter the cell, anyway.”

Noiz had to resist the strong urge to punch the asshole in his stupid, pretty face.

Next, he’d asked for food that was closer to edible than the shit that tasted like wet cardboard guards would slide everyday in a tray under the bars. Aoba had grimaced and said Toue didn’t like him coddling the prisoners too much, and left it at that.

Noiz hadn’t given up that easily, though, asking for a cot, a mattress or blanket to at least keep his body from scraping against the floor from the rigorous activities Aoba had him in. Aoba had laughed at the request, looking at him the way an adult would at a pestering, needy child.

“Sometimes, I think you forget you’re a prisoner here,” the older boy had said.

“How could I forget, you constantly remind me of it,” Noiz had replied with a glare.

“With good reason, too. You’d do best to remember you’re not one to make any demands here. There’s nothing for you to do but submit and live with what you already have,” Aoba had smiled sweetly and taken the younger boy’s chin in his hand, “You’ll feel much better once you accept that.”

Noiz had jerked his face out of Aoba’s hand in defiance but he’d know the older boy was right. While waiting for Aoba’s old self to overtake him, there was nothing to do but to submit to this Aoba and wait for a hopeful opportunity of escape.

It was still irritating, Aoba’s cocky haughtiness and self-centeredness making everything all the more annoying, like the day Aoba decided it was time to scrub the cell clean, only to brazenly order Noiz to do all the work instead. Noiz had loudly protested and complained but in the end he’d begrudgingly gotten down on his knees to scrub away at the blood-stained floor, knowing full well that Aoba could throw him back into his old empty cell any time he wanted if he disobeyed. At least he’d gotten Koujaku to help for a while, before the beast got bored and tried to mount the blond, earning him a well-deserved kick to the face.

Still, Noiz had to consider himself rather lucky, as he wasn’t going through whatever Mink now had to endure. It had started two weeks ago; four guards had entered the dungeon one morning and walked past Koujaku’s cell. When they’d walked past the cell again, they had a cuffed Mink between them, taking him somewhere unknown, and the older man had locked eyes with the blond for one long second before he’d been escorted out of sight.

The next time Noiz saw Mink again was three days, when four guards escorted him back to his cell. As Mink had slowly limped past Koujaku’s cell, Noiz had stared at his face. Mink had looked as impassive as ever but his faraway gaze had seemed exhausted, his face uncharacteristically pale and his breathing laboured. Whatever had been done to him had clearly taken its toll on him, deep fatigue evident in the way he dragged his body forward, visibly ready to collapse.

Along with morbid curiosity over Mink’s state, worry that Noiz would have to go through whatever Mink had suffered as well had gnawed at his mind. However, later that day, Aoba had assured him that he wouldn’t meet the same fate.

“Mink held some interest to Toue, something about the members of his tribe having some special properties in their bodies or something, I’m kinda fuzzy on the details,” Aoba had said, “All Toue knows about you is that you’re a rich, foreign kid. Other than that, you don’t hold much interest for him as a research subject as he doesn’t know of your condition.”

Aoba had then brought a hand up to pet Noiz’ head.

“You don’t have to worry about anything,” the older boy had said with a little smirk, “No one will take you away from me. You’re all mine.”

Noiz’ thoughts of Aoba were interrupted as he couldn’t hold back the gasp that flew from his throat when he felt sharp teeth nip his neck. Koujaku’s mouth was already sucking on the skin as claws lightly raked down his chest, the tip of a nail brushing over a nipple. Noiz held back a moan, his plan of ignoring Koujaku so quickly ruined. More teasing bites were pressed to his neck and shoulder as the claws ran down his side, making him sigh in pleasure.

Noiz was rolled onto his back, his breath a bit heavy, Koujaku looking down at him with an all too satisfied expression on his face. The blond glared back at him.

“Don’t look so smug. You’re still completely useless and annoying.”

Yet Noiz still pulled him down for an eager kiss.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Often, when he would be alone, he would feel _him_ pulling at the corners of his mind in a blatant attempt to take over their shared body.

It was easy enough to shove him to the back once more, but the horrible headaches that would accompany the attacks on his consciousness were progressively getting worse.

Sometimes, usually at his most unguarded, Desire felt as if his mind was on the brink of falling apart and keeping it compact was akin to keeping water from spilling out of his hands. His consciousness was becoming increasingly unstable and there was no doubt of who was to blame for it.

Dealing with Reason was becoming more of a pain with each passing day, his increasing strength was getting worrisome, threatening to eventually consume Desire with the amount of times Reason managed to overcome him and surface. It happened all the time around Koujaku, as if Reason wanted to keep them apart, making Desire’s blood boil with rage at the thought.

Staying away from Koujaku was _not_ an option and Desire refused to even consider it. Desire just had to keep being stronger than Reason and crush him every time he tried to switch the power balance between the two of them.

Reason had shown before that he was unfit to be “Aoba”, and that hadn’t changed. It was in Aoba’s best interest for Desire to be in charge now.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Koujaku had already been satisfied and he’d now been reduced to a spectator. Noiz currently had Aoba bent in half, his long legs hooked over his shoulders.

The more painful, bloody and uncomfortable it was, the harder Aoba would come.

Bruising grips, pulling his hair, scratching, deep wounds, biting that would threaten to tear his flesh out, nothing was too much; it would all add to his deviant pleasure.

It was all the better for Noiz as well. It gave him the chance to fuck all the frustration he felt out of his system and into Aoba’s body; manhandling him and mercilessly pounding into him, calling him a whore and twisting him into strenuous positions while biting down into the soft skin of his neck would only make Aoba cry out louder as he’d happily surrender himself to the rough treatment.

Noiz slammed his hips hard into Aoba, feeling a day’s worth of frustration gradually leaving him as he kept his movements sharp and forceful so the friction would be enough for his cock. He put his full weight behind his thrusts, bearing down on Aoba and pressing his fingers deeply into the ivory skin of his hips.

“Hah… more… harder...”

Aoba gasped out, brows furrowed, his eyes half lidded, tears streaming down his red cheeks, his parted lips wet and Noiz was momentarily struck by how cute and endearing the older boy looked. His sweet face almost quelled Noiz’ previous irritation.

But not quite.

Noiz brought a hand to Aoba’s hair and pulled on it, earning himself a pained gasp.

“You’re being greedy, aren’t you?” He teased lowly without changing his pace, “I might give you more if you ask right.”

Aoba’s eyes widened for a second. Then, he laughed in between his panting.

Noiz pulled his hair again, harder this time, and Aoba cried out sharply from the pain. Aoba seemed to gather enough breath before opening his mouth again.

“P-please… please fuck me harder…”

Noiz hummed, satisfied with the response, before changing his rhythm, snapping his hips at an even rougher pace than before and pulling Aoba down at the same time to meet his thrusts. The response was immediate; Aoba closed his eyes, moaning loudly as his muscles tightened around Noiz’ cock, his legs spreading even wider as the sound of skin hitting skin filled the cell. From the corner of his eye, Noiz could see Koujaku avidly watching the scene before him, fully captivated.

Any other sound in the room was soon overpowered by Aoba’s voice that grew ever louder and reverberated against the walls of the cell. Aoba’s enthusiasm and the way he would get so desperate whenever he would get fucked would always turn Noiz on so much.

“Listen to yourself, you’re getting so loud,” Noiz groaned, “You’re such a needy little slut.”

Aoba only moaned out louder in response, as if pleased with his performance. Noiz had to claim his soft lips, swallowing down his sounds and entwining their tongues together in a short, but deep kiss and when they parted, Noiz thought of something that could help himself feel Aoba even more.

“Tell me how it feels,” he ordered Aoba.

Aoba seemed a bit surprised by the request but complied nonetheless.

“H-urts…”

Noiz' hand reached up once more to pull at Aoba's hair.

“That's not all you're feeling, now is it?" Noiz asked

Aoba needed a bit more air before responding, the hand in his hair and the deep thrusts inside him making it hard to breathe.

“Aah...your cock is...is splitting me ah-apart…” Aoba managed between harsh breaths “I can feel… y-our... piercings… rub against me… ahn... and you’re… touching a place inside… it feels… _so_ _good_ …”

Aoba’s breathy voice describing what he felt went straight to Noiz’ cock. The friction was lessening as his movements grew much smoother from his own precum but he kept his merciless pace up, feeling as if he’d come soon from it if he kept it up without slowing down.

“Aah! I’m going to-”

Aoba was squirming in his hold, his voice getting louder and louder with each thrust, looking so sexy yet cute at the same time Noiz just had to kiss him again.

The older boy then threw his head back and cried out, tightening down impossibly hard around Noiz’ cock, and Noiz wrapped his arms around him, holding him close through his release.

For a few seconds, Noiz couldn’t remember what he’d been frustrated about in the beginning and he forgot all about Oval Tower and everything else that came with it. It was just him and Aoba, as close as they could possibly be, sharing pleasure together with nothing else to think of.

Those few seconds of bliss almost made everything worth it. Almost.

But not quite.

The moment would pass, the brief escape all too transient and ephemeral and when he'd come down from his high, he would still find himself locked in a cell under Oval Tower.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Some days, an air of melancholy would weigh heavily on Koujaku.

It would happen without much warning and it lasted from minutes to hours on end. The beast would forgo Noiz’ company to instead sit in a corner of the cell with his head leaning against a wall, pensive gaze forlorn, no sounds escaping his lips save for the occasional sigh. Sometimes, he’d raise two fingers to his mouth, only to frown in disappointment when finding them empty.

When he’d first noticed the behaviour, Noiz had thought it might have been the confinement taking its toll on Koujaku but there had been something in the man’s contemplative eyes that suggested otherwise.

The day Aoba came into the cell and Koujaku didn’t even raise his head to greet him, Noiz discovered something new about his cellmate.

Aoba had immediately known what was on Koujaku’s mind, calling out a soft _“Oh, Koujaku.”_ before going straight to him and wrapping his arms around the tangled mess of red hair.

Aoba had tenderly stroked the red locks, cooing soft reassurances to his dispirited lover. Then, he’d pressed a kiss to Koujaku’s forehead and held his face gently in his hands before speaking.

“No matter what happened in the past, I don’t mind.”

Koujaku had winced and tried to turn his face away but Aoba had tightened his grip and kept him in place.

“No matter what you’ve done, I love everything about you.”

Noiz’ ears had perked up in interest at Aoba’s phrasing.

“No matter what sins you are burdened with, I’ve accepted all of you.”

A pained expression had crossed Koujaku’s features at Aoba’s words, clearly not what he’d wanted to hear but he’d still slumped forward into Aoba’s arms, burying his face into the boy’s slender chest.

Koujaku managed to pull little comfort from Aoba.

The embrace had not lasted much and before long, Aoba was pulling his robes open and offering himself to Koujaku. Koujaku had been hesitant and unenthused at first but he’d eventually given in to Aoba’s insistence that he would feel better afterwards.

After that day, the mystery that was Koujaku’s past had only deepened further but Aoba’s words and Koujaku’s reactions had given Noiz a new understanding of the tattooed man.

Noiz could see now that, like himself, Koujaku was prone to self-hatred.

Noiz had been shocked at this realization for two reasons; the first being wonder of what could possibly drive someone as wholesome and strong as Koujaku to self-hatred, the second being now knowing that he related to Koujaku over something.

Koujaku had apparently done something in the past that he couldn’t forgive himself for, something Aoba knew of but that didn’t affect the love they shared. Did it have something to do with the tattoos? Likely. What about the yakuza? His family?

After sleeping on it for a few nights, Noiz had pieced together that if whatever Koujaku had done involved his beastly transformation through his tattoos, it likely meant someone, or various people, had a very gruesome encounter with a transformed Koujaku in the past.

The implications had chills running down Noiz’ spine.

Yet, even with the unnerving possibility fresh in his mind, Noiz wasn’t afraid of the beast.

Koujaku was still the same he’d been before the thought had ever occurred to him. Koujaku was still as caring as always, still holding Noiz close to keep him from shivering and nuzzling his hair affectionately. Noiz had remembered as well how Koujaku had strived to be a good person as well before the whole Platinum Jail mess started, how his Rib team had been renowned for their good deeds and how men and women were always gushing about what a great guy he was.

Maybe all the good Koujaku did was in an attempt to redeem himself?

It further reinforced Noiz’ suspicions.

But in any case, whatever Koujaku had done in the past didn’t change Noiz’ feelings for him. Noiz still craved his warmth and care, still wanted to feel the pressure of his muscled arms encircling him.

Koujaku wouldn’t forgive himself, though.

And it was a problem at nighttime, when Noiz wanted to lie down, wrapped in the other man but Koujaku was still brooding in his corner, not looking like he’d move from there anytime soon. Noiz had to stifle a sigh.

Though they would both give in to bouts of self-hatred, their similarities stopped there. Noiz usually liked to drown in it, even seeking it out and provoking others into rages just to wallow in it even more. Self-loathing had been his own kind of self-destructive drug that would always validate his existence in the absence of the love and care he never found, but it was very different for Koujaku. With the image of a sad, red beast leaning against a slim, white chest in his mind, Noiz could see Koujaku very clearly wanted an out; he didn’t want to hate himself, he actually wanted to feel better.

Noiz looked at the slumped over beast. Koujaku had brought him comfort countless times so he owed the man some himself, he knew that, but he was clueless on how to go on about it.

He looked down, reminded of Aoba’s words to Koujaku but they’d been useless in their attempt to comfort him, they’d probably even done more harm than good. Noiz had no idea why, either. Being loved and accepted wholly seemed wonderful to him but then again, Koujaku was completely different from himself and he might have killed someone; Koujaku probably needed to hear something else, something Noiz wasn’t yet prepared to say because he had no idea what it was.

Words wouldn’t do so his actions would have to speak for him.

Koujaku leaning against Aoba came to mind again and Noiz mulled it over. Koujaku’s arms were often more than enough to make him feel safe and wanted, the nightmares of being bound, confined and restrained somewhere dark and inescapable he would sometimes wake from instantly chased away when he would feel their calm pressure wrapped around him.

Maybe Koujaku needed something like that too.

Noiz looked back at Koujaku, the red curtain of hair making it difficult to see his face.

It was worth a shot.

In a few steps, Noiz made his way to Koujaku and stood in front of him. After a short pause, he lowered himself to sit on the beast’s lap. Koujaku barely reacted, just letting out a small breath without looking up. Then, Noiz awkwardly slid his arms under Koujaku’s, curled them around his broad back and pressed himself against the man’s chest in a slow, careful embrace.

Koujaku grunted in surprise, finally looking up.

Noiz avoided his gaze by burying his face in his shoulder, mindful of the metal on Koujaku’s neck. As he held on to Koujaku, he felt small and inadequate, his arms too skinny to provide any appropriate shelter, his body probably not warm enough, either. His lean body paled in comparison to the beast’s muscled, warmer one and he doubted Koujaku was getting much out of being held by his thin arms.

Just as Noiz was starting to regret his decision Koujaku shifted with a soft sigh. The older man leaned his head against Noiz’, his arms slowly coming up to encircle him and return his embrace. Koujaku gently nuzzled his hair and Noiz felt something like warmth spread through his chest, the realization that he _was_ able to make Koujaku feel better making his heart beat a little faster. He rubbed his palms against Koujaku’s back in what he hoped were soothing circles. His hands then stroked Koujaku’s hair and he could dimly feel the knots along the tangled strands. Noiz frowned. Koujaku would often try to detangle it unsuccessfully with his claws. Didn't Aoba ever comb it?

“Your hair is such a mess,” Noiz murmured against Koujaku’s skin.

Koujaku growled dejectedly at that, obviously a sore point for him.

Noiz hummed thoughtfully as his fingers caught in yet another mass of knots.

“I’ll try to detangle it for you.”

Koujaku grunted in surprise and turned to look at him with bright eyes. Noiz could see now how important this was to Koujaku. Of course the man would value his hair, he was a hairdresser, after all, and the current state of his hair must have frustrated him to no end.

“I don’t make any promises but I’ll try.”

Noiz averted his eyes from Koujaku’s hopeful ones and brought his hands back to the red mane. With as much care as he could manage, he ran his fingers through the tangled locks and worked on pulling them free. His task was encumbered by his dulled sense of touch, resulting in him often pulling much more harshly than needed and Koujaku grunting in pain but a quickly muttered apology would appease him. Noiz still had to give credit to the man for enduring his clumsy pawing at his hair with minimal complaint. In fact, Koujaku almost seemed to enjoy it, looking at the blond with an expression akin to fondness and Noiz found that he rather liked that kind of look being directed at him.

As he untangled the red tresses, Noiz was struck by how comfortable he felt, sitting in Koujaku’s lap with strong arms around his back, grooming the beast. It was like he was the one taking care of Koujaku for a change and it felt surprisingly good.

His hands moving automatically by now, Noiz lost track of time and soon, his fingers were running through Koujaku’s hair with barely a hitch, almost completely unencumbered but for a few remaining tangles here and there. A twinge of pride welled up in him and he took one of Koujaku’s hands in his own and brought it to the red locks.

“Feel it.”

A small smile lit up Noiz’ features as he watched Koujaku feel his own hair. Koujaku ran his fingers through it with awe brightening his eyes and parting his lips. His eyes followed the way his tresses slid through his fingers, touching them over and over in disbelief.

Noiz grinned.

“There are no mirrors in here for you to see but it _does_ look much better.”

Koujaku looked up and Noiz’ breath caught as their eyes locked. The gratitude in the man’s eyes was so evident and the corners of his lips had lifted in the slightest hints of a smile. This was the first time Noiz had seen Koujaku smile in the past month and half they’d been sharing a cell and the realization that he’d been the one to pull a smile out of the beast had a sort of gleeful excitement thrumming through his body. For a short moment, he felt like he was more than a lonely, locked up freak, like he was worth something but he carefully kept his childlike elation hidden behind a small, confident grin.

Koujaku leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together in wordless gratitude as one of his hands seeked out Noiz’ one. A large, scarred hand grasped a much smaller one and shifted until their fingers were entwined together and Noiz’ heart skipped a beat. 

What was the beast doing?

Their fingers were laced together in a gesture of romantic affection that didn’t befit their lack of a relationship. Holding hands was something that clearly held meaning to Koujaku as he’d always do it with Aoba; it was something he reserved for the one he loved and Noiz had never been loved to begin with, so what was he doing holding his hand like this? What Noiz and Koujaku had together wouldn’t go beyond the physical, regardless of whatever jumbled mess of feelings Noiz felt for Koujaku; holding hands was wrong as it meant _nothing_.

Yet Noiz couldn’t bring himself to pull his hand back.

Koujaku was looking at him with such a soft expression, the warmth in his eyes so inviting and his hand in Noiz’ was a comfortable weight, with the slight pressure of his fingers fitting so wonderfully between his own. It was a tenderness the blond didn’t understand but that felt too good to pull away from.

Noiz closed his eyes and gripped Koujaku’s hand tightly.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

The next morning was spent curled up against each other, with Koujaku wrapping an arm around Noiz’ waist and holding one of his hands in his. Koujaku was in an especially good mood that day and made it known by being particularly affectionate, purring contentedly as he nuzzled Noiz’ neck. Noiz tried to keep his thoughts at bay, trying to just enjoy Koujaku’s affections without questioning them and for a while he was nearly able to. He pretended he felt the warmth of Koujaku’s body enveloping him, his eyes closing as he decided a short nap would be fine.

By the time he woke up, Aoba was already in the cell.

Noiz blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked at Aoba.

Aoba was silently standing in the middle of the cell, staring at him.

It wasn’t like Aoba to be so quiet when he’d enter the cell. Usually, he’d greet them both cheerfully and have a few loving words for Koujaku.

Noiz narrowed his eyes.

No, Aoba wasn’t just staring.

Aoba was downright glaring at him, his eyes fixed, Noiz realized, on his hand that was still being held in Koujaku’s.

_Oh._

Feeling completely awake now, Noiz hastily pulled away from Koujaku and dragged himself to the side. Koujaku grumbled at his sudden departure but Noiz resolutely kept him at arm’s length, distancing himself from the beast.

The coldness in Aoba’s eyes remained as they went back and forth between the two of them. The silence stretched uncomfortably under Aoba’s hard gaze and anxiousness started creeping in Noiz’ guts. Koujaku sat up and growled softly at Aoba, as if hesitantly asking a wordless question.

Finally, Aoba walked to Koujaku and upon reaching him, gently grabbed his face with one hand and stroked his hair with the other, porcelain fingers sliding mostly unencumbered through the red locks.

“You did something to his hair.”

Aoba hadn’t even turned to look at him as he spoke but Noiz still made a conscious effort to keep his face inexpressive.

“I just untangled it.”

A small hum came in reply as Aoba kept brushing his fingers through Koujaku’s hair.

“You won’t have to do it again, _I’ll_ take care of it from now on.”

Noiz nodded, deeming it unwise to say anything else.

Silence was the best decision in the end.

There were no punishments or requests for him to do anything bothersome and he wasn’t thrown back into a solitary cell either. Nothing happened at all, Aoba simply ignored him as he showered Koujaku with all his attention and Noiz was feeling cautiously optimistic.

But then Aoba was facing him, naked, on his hands and knees, being rammed into from behind by Koujaku and his sharp eyes were locked with Noiz’ own.

And when Aoba reached for Koujaku’s hand and gripped it tightly with a growl, eyes burning angrily with possessiveness, Noiz knew he hadn’t seen the end of Aoba’s jealousy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will feature a certain someone we haven't seen in a looong time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I've been really busy lately. Thanks for the kudos guys, I really appreciate it!
> 
> Warning for lots of consent issues in this chapter.

The first few days, Aoba mostly ignored him, only glaring at him from time to time while he doted on Koujaku. Aoba would oftentimes lock eyes with Noiz in the middle of sex and possessively hold onto Koujaku but nothing more came of it.

Koujaku noticed the change in Aoba’s behaviour and he would prudently ignore Noiz as well when Aoba would enter the cell and pour all of his attention on him, likely to assuage Aoba’s jealousy. Aoba was delighted, but Noiz would still catch the apologetic looks Koujaku would send him over Aoba’s shoulder.

Then, things changed and Aoba went back to paying attention to Noiz.

One day, Noiz found himself back on the operation table in the room Aoba used to take him to in the beginning, only now Aoba was haphazardly slashing various parts of his body with a knife in a manner similar to someone punching something to relieve stress. Noiz barely felt the blade swiftly slicing his skin and after about two hours of it, Aoba seemed to grow bored of it and sent him back to his cell with a sigh with bandages wrapped over his torso, hands, arms and legs.

The next day, Noiz was once again subjected to Aoba’s whims.

It started with Aoba suddenly kissing him, ordering him between kisses to lie back and not to touch him. Noiz complied and lied still as Aoba nipped at his neck and tugged insistently at the piercings of his cock to get him hard. Then, Noiz watched in confused arousal as Aoba quickly lowered himself on his hardened length and immediately started riding him hard.  

Although it was a complete change from the day before, there was still a sort of underlying anger in Aoba’s rough movements and domineering attitude.

In his confusion, Noiz’ hands automatically went to Aoba’s hips. It was the wrong move, as Aoba growled angrily.

 _"Hands down. Don’t fucking move._ ”

With the power of Scrap commanding him, a bewildered Noiz promptly lowered his hands and kept them glued to the floor, Aoba glaring and pinning him down by the shoulders. Scrap also kept Noiz from moving at all and it was an awful, constricting feeling, as if his whole body were bound by rope. Noiz already hated being restrained enough as it was, the constrained feeling always bringing back memories of being kept in a small, inescapable room, and being restrained while naked under someone else brought on an onslaught of emotions he would rather not feel.

The invisible ropes kept him almost completely immobile, struggling against them was impossible and Noiz hissed through his teeth. Aoba noticed his discomfort and smirked nastily.

“I _did_ tell you to keep your hands off me, didn’t I?”

Noiz grit his teeth and glared at Aoba. His pride had him shoving down his desire to beg Aoba to release him from Scrap, stubbornly choosing instead to endure the power’s restraints. Koujaku growled in concern at their back but Aoba showed no care and continued to bounce up and down on his cock at a frantic pace, soon whining and whimpering, clawing at Noiz’ shoulders. Despite the distress Scrap caused, pleasure still built up through the blond’s haze of discomfort and he tried to focus on it.

Just as Noiz was starting to sink further into pleasure Aoba snapped his hips sharply and came with a shout. All movement ceased and, after waiting only a minute, Aoba climbed off Noiz. Unlike past times in which Aoba always made sure Noiz came as well, this time he was content to leave the blond unsatisfied, achingly hard and feeling completely used. For the first time since he’d been imprisoned, sex left him with the old self-hatred he’d felt with his past encounters, but this time it had a tint of sadness to it. Maybe it had been Scrap, or Aoba not wanting his touch or Aoba’s obvious satisfaction at his discomfort but somehow, this time he’d felt particularly unwanted and worthless.

“ _You can move now._ ”

Upon gaining the ability to move again, Noiz immediately sat up and tried to curl up into a ball. His cock was still uncomfortably hard and he reached down for it but Aoba stopped him with a little _"Ah-ah_ ”.

“Touch yourself and I’ll use Scrap on you again.”

No more needed to be said and Noiz wrapped his arms around his legs, bringing his knees closer to his chest and biting down on his kneecap. Aoba seemed satisfied with that, turning his back on him to head over to a shocked Koujaku.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

In the days that came afterwards, Aoba would alternate between ignoring Noiz or ordering him to lie on his back and keep his hands down under the threat of being tied down by Scrap again if he touched Aoba. Aoba would then ride him until his own release and then climb off Noiz, leaving him hard and wanting, with orders to keep his hands off himself. Koujaku would then often move towards Noiz but Aoba would order him to stay put under threats of Scrap as well.

Noiz had never felt more like a toy than he did on those days Aoba would use him and he’d always end up feeling repulsed by himself in a way he couldn’t even enjoy. The time he’d spent with Koujaku being cared for and feeling affection had softened him and now self-hatred just didn’t feel as comfortable as it once used to, but fear of being separated from Koujaku and thrown back into his old cell kept Noiz compliant when Aoba would turn his attention to him.

A particularly bad day had Aoba using him multiple times, getting him hard again and again, riding him twice but never letting him come and Noiz was close to tears of frustration by the fifth time his cock was hardened. He shoved down his pride and pleaded with Aoba to let him come. Aoba kissed him gently and Noiz could dimly feel the smirk on his lips.

“If you keep begging so prettily, I think I just might let you come this time.”

So Noiz begged over and over as Aoba fucked himself on his cock. He wished he could come before Aoba for once but his sense of touch was just too dulled and he needed more time. Noiz was barely feeling pressure low in his stomach when Aoba came untouched. A flicker of hope fluttered in the blond as Aoba kept bouncing on his cock and for a moment he thought he’d finally get to come. It was immediately dashed afterwards when Aoba came to a stop and, after giving him his usual warning about touching himself, climbed off him and crawled to Koujaku.

Afterwards, Noiz sat curled in a ball, face buried in his arms and hands fisted into his hair. Self-loathing mixed with frustration and dejection gnawed at him, making him tremble. He focused on his breathing and on the feeling of his hair being pulled, Aoba’s moans growing dimmer as he focused on calming himself; the last thing he needed was to start crying in front of Aoba. At least he was now finally left alone and after Aoba would leave, Koujaku would take care of him as he always did on these days.

Some time later, a hand, smaller than his own, was then hesitantly laid on top of his fingers, startling him from his thoughts.

“Noiz.”

Oh.

He hadn't even noticed Aoba's moans ceasing.

The soft voice calling him had him raising his head, his eyes meeting with bright, wide ones.

“Noiz, I’m so sorry…”

The apology only served to send a jolt of anger down Noiz’ guts and he narrowed his eyes as he slapped Aoba’s hand away.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

Aoba recoiled as if he’d been hit, one of his hands gripping the discarded robe he’d wrapped around his naked body tighter and his eyes growing a little too bright.

It was Noiz’ turn to flinch as he recognized the incoming wetness in Aoba’s eyes. Noiz was always weak to Aoba’s tears, both Aobas', and he could already feel his anger threatening to slip from him so he stubbornly held on to it and tried to glare at Aoba.

“Save the apologies, what the hell is taking you so long?” He spat with as much venom as he could muster.

Aoba’s brows furrowed in an anxious expression and he bit his lip.

“I can’t fully overpower Desire just yet. I can take his place for short amounts of time when he lets his guard down but he always overpowers me in the end. I need to be stronger than him-”

“Why can’t you overpower him?” Noiz interrupted

“I’m not back to my full strength yet. When I-” Aoba stuttered, his voice breaking and the dreaded tears fully filling his eyes, “When I… failed Koujaku… I was almost completely destroyed. I was crushed to pieces and I almost stopped existing entirely.”

Aoba looked to Koujaku apologetically as fat tears rolled down his cheeks. Koujaku’s gaze held nothing but tenderness for him but Aoba still needed a moment to calm himself before continuing.

“It’s taken months for me to piece myself back together again and getting strong enough to resurface past Desire’s attempts at crushing me took an insane amount of effort.”

Big, wet eyes locked pleadingly with Noiz’.

“I know I’m asking for a lot but I need you to give me a little more time. I need just a little more strength before I can finally overpower Desire.”

Aoba’s cute, red face and tearful eyes had Noiz sighing in defeat, the anger he’d felt for this Aoba now long gone.

“Isn’t there anything we can do to help you get stronger?”

Aoba nibbled on his lip pensively.

“Before, just being near Koujaku gave me strength and Desire’s mind is very vulnerable to me when he’s with him but it hasn’t been enough lately,” Aoba shook his head, “I need to get my full strength back and catch him in the right moment.”

Noiz had then sighed resignedly but Aoba’s earnest eyes told him the older boy was truly trying his hardest to get back in control. There was still nothing left to do but wait and endure.

But when Aoba put a hand on his shoulder and tried to get him on his back two days later, Noiz refused to lie down.

“No.”

He pushed Aoba firmly off off himself. There was no thought for the consequences, he just knew he couldn’t take it anymore.

Aoba looked genuinely surprised by the unexpected bout of resistance.

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

Noiz shot him an icy glare.

“It means I don’t want to be your toy today.”

Aoba stared at him for a long moment, eyebrows raised. A playful little grin then overtook his surprise as he leaned in closer to Noiz.

“Oh, come on,” he slid his arms around Noiz’ neck, “I’ll let you come this time.”

Noiz scoffed.

“Like hell you will.”

“I really will,” Aoba assured with a cute pout, “So just lie back and let me take care of the rest, hmm?”

Noiz remained unmoved.

“No.”

Aoba smiled sweetly, putting his hands on his shoulders and gently pushed.

“Come ooon, don’t be so disagreeable. I’ll be good to you.”

“I said I don’t want to.”

The hands on Noiz’ shoulders got firmer and Noiz grabbed Aoba’s arms to pull them off.

Aoba’s smile dropped, his eyes hardening.

“Noiz, lie back.”

“No.”

“I’m not asking you.” Aoba’s hands were back on his shoulders, pushing down hard now.

“And I said I don’t want to.”

Noiz was stronger than Aoba so pushing him off was easy enough. Aoba wasn’t easily dissuaded though, bouncing right back, still trying to push him down. Soon, they were both struggling against each other, Aoba hissing angrily when his wrists were caught in Noiz’ hands and Noiz felt a small surge of vindictive pleasure from being able to overpower Aoba at least like this.

It was short lived, however.

“ _Noiz, let go of me._ ”

Noiz’ fingers immediately let go of Aoba’s wrists at the command.

“ _Don’t fight me._ ”

Aoba then pushed Noiz down onto his back, Noiz’ body obediently going down without resistance. A little smirk tugged at Aoba’s lips.

“That’s better.”

Noiz could do nothing but glare, Aoba keeping a hand pressed down on his chest as he rummaged through his discarded robes with the other. Then, he took a hold of the red cords that held his robes closed and took a hold of Noiz’ wrists. With quick movements, Aoba bound the blond’s wrists in the red cloth ropes and held them above his head.

Scrap kept Noiz from even squirming in Aoba’s hold as the older boy looked him over with appraising eyes.

“You look really good like this,” Aoba purred, slowly trailing a hand down Noiz’ torso, his intentions obvious.

Having his wrists physically bound was pointless as Scrap already kept him from struggling yet Noiz still found it oppressive. The realization that there was nothing he could do to stop Aoba from doing what he wanted with his body felt almost as suffocating as his restraints and he closed his eyes tightly when he felt Aoba sink his nails into his cock. Near panic rose in his chest and anxiety twisted his stomach at the thought of what was coming next. It was truly going to happen.

Or so he’d thought.

“Wha- Kouja-”

Just as Noiz had resigned himself to being used, the hands on his wrists and cock were suddenly pulled away and Aoba’s weight on him disappeared. Noiz opened his eyes.

Aoba was in Koujaku’s arms, claws raking down his back, protests silenced by Koujaku’s mouth. Struggling was met with bites to his mouth and necks and claws to his sides and back. Soon enough, Aoba was moaning in Koujaku’s hold, his previous resistance replaced with enthusiasm and he gave in to Koujaku as he wrapped his arms around the older man and pressed himself closer to him.

As Koujaku bit into Aoba’s shoulder, his eyes seeked out green ones, concern evident in them.

Noiz could only hope he was able to convey the relief and gratitude he felt for Koujaku and his distraction with his eyes alone. Koujaku had just saved him from an extremely unpleasant experience and Noiz actually felt genuinely thankful for it.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

In the days that followed, Koujaku would basically throw himself at Aoba at every chance he got, effectively keeping him away from Noiz. Aoba welcomed the additional attention happily and Noiz was glad to be ignored once more.

Until the day Aoba announced right after entering the cell that he wanted to watch Koujaku fuck Noiz.

Both Koujaku and Noiz had been confused and had just stared at Aoba in near bewilderment but the white haired boy had cheerfully insisted he really wanted to see them together.

With all the jealousy that had permeated Aoba’s behaviour in the past days, Noiz had been extremely suspicious of this sudden request but he also knew by now that disobeying Aoba was unwise, so he’d dragged himself to Koujaku’s side and placed a hand on his arm.

After more insistence from Aoba, Koujaku had hesitantly pushed Noiz down, climbing on top of him and starting to trail slow bites down his neck. Teeth scraped lower and lower and before long, Noiz was moaning softly beneath Koujaku, spurring him on and giving him all the encouragement he needed to keep going further.

When Koujaku thrust inside, Noiz’ jumbled thoughts were disrupted and he could forget for a blissful moment all about Aoba and his whims. Letting himself go to the fucking, it was as if it was only him and Koujaku, no one else in the world but the two of them together.

“Koujaku”

Aoba’s voice broke through Noiz’ haze and Koujaku looked up, slowing down his thrusts.

“Pin his wrists down above his head with your hand.”

Koujaku came to a full stop as Noiz shuddered at Aoba’s words. The beast snarled disagreeably, not wanting to do what Aoba had ordered.

Aoba hummed.

“Hmm, should I use Scrap then?”

Noiz felt Koujaku tensing on top of him as anxiety coiled in his guts. There was no use refusing Aoba, he would just use Scrap to make them submit anyway. Koujaku must have seen it too as he reluctantly took a hold of Noiz’ wrists and pinned them over his head with one hand. Noiz clenched his teeth, keeping himself completely still. He already felt too constrained with his wrists held down and Koujaku’s weight bearing down on him.

Aoba made a sound of satisfaction at the sight.

“That’s good. Now go on, fuck him like that.”

Koujaku growled in protest, clearly uncomfortable with Aoba’s order. Noiz was far less enthused himself but he disliked the thought of Aoba using Scrap on them even more.

“Oh, Koujaku, are you going to be difficult?”

At this rate, Aoba would Scrap Koujaku into obeying and the thought alone made Noiz nauseous. The overly sweet tone Aoba was using promised danger and Noiz preferred having the illusion of choice over having Scrap forcing their bodies into action.

“Koujaku.”

Koujaku looked down in surprise and Noiz realized this was the first time he’d called the man by name.

“It’s fine,” Noiz kept himself from grimacing as he spoke, his expression deceivingly neutral, “Just get on with it and make it quick.”

Worry was still evident in Koujaku’s eyes as he studied Noiz’ face for a long moment. Noiz sighed inwardly, wrapping his legs around Koujaku’s waist and looking up at him with pleading eyes, silently asking him to move.

After another moment of hesitation, Koujaku shifted his hips and finally started moving again.

It was impossible to stop squirming after that. Being restrained, pinned down in a vulnerable position and penetrated had Noiz twisting and writhing in Koujaku’s hold, trying to find some sort of respite in his limited movements. Unpleasant memories flooded his mind; Germany, isolated rooms, angry men shoving him face first against the ground of a dirty alleyway, his arms held down. He tried to hold back his whimpers and moans of discomfort but failed miserably.

His distress didn’t go unnoticed and Koujaku slowed down his thrusts, expression nervous and concerned.

Noiz kicked Koujaku’s back with the heels of his feet, Scrap still on his mind.

“Don’t stop,” he gasped out, “Faster… keep going…”

Koujaku growled harshly, looking unconvinced but he still picked up his pace, pounding into Noiz in a frantic rhythm.

Even with the large hand holding him down, the onslaught of pleasure was undeniable and Noiz tried to calm himself to focus on the way electricity shot up his spine at almost every thrust. It still wasn’t enough to keep him from feeling trapped, contained and horribly vulnerable, though. Noiz tried to hide his face in his arm, the need to curl up into a tight little ball growing ever stronger. Koujaku mercifully sped up his thrusts, seeking a quick end and Noiz squeezed his eyes shut, his cries getting louder.

His orgasm took him by surprise, sudden and unexpected. He’d been so busy fighting with his own discomfort he hadn’t even felt himself getting close until he was already coming.

As soon as he came, Koujaku immediately stopped moving, let go of his wrists and pulled out, uncaring that he hadn’t come himself.

Noiz promptly turned to his side and curled into himself tightly, his face in his arms, panting heavily and heart hammering against his ribcage.

Long minutes of silence passed, Noiz’ breathing gradually calming but his emotions still a frayed mess. He couldn’t even bring himself to care about whether Aoba was satisfied or not. Tears were pricking at his eyes and it took all of his remaining strength not to let them fall. Deep exhaustion set into his bones, making him feel unable to move from his position on the floor.

Finally, there was sound. Footsteps, the sound of the cell door opening and closing; the footsteps resounding down the dungeon’s corridor and out of ear’s reach.

Aoba had left without a word.

A hand was then gently placed on Noiz’ shoulder.

Sighing, Noiz reluctantly lowered his arms.

Koujaku looked so apologetic and worried Noiz almost felt sorry for him and even though he’d just suffered in Koujaku’s hands, it hadn’t been his fault. Even with Koujaku pinning him down still fresh in his mind, Noiz still wanted his comfort and care, still saw him saw him as safe.

“Hold me.”

Koujaku complied without questioning him, lying down behind him and wrapping his arms around him, holding him close. Noiz turned around in his arms, wrapping his arms around Koujaku’s back and burying his face in his broad chest.

Koujaku gently stroked his back and Noiz let out a watery sigh.

 

\-------------------------------------------

 

Aoba’s behaviour drastically changed.

After just one day, his jealousy seemed like a thing of the past.

Aoba was no longer hostile towards Noiz, didn’t mind Koujaku approaching Noiz when he was present and he was no longer angry if he found the two of them together when he came into the cell.

Noiz was still wary but Aoba hadn’t touched him inappropriately in days or forced him into anything unpleasant. In fact, he was sometimes downright _sweet_ , doing things little playing with his hair or kissing his cheek before leaving, which was strange and a bit disturbing. Aoba still doted on Koujaku and was his usual perverted self with him, though.

As unsettling Aoba’s new sweetness was, it was preferable over everything he’d been doing in the past days so Noiz swallowed his resentment down and allowed Aoba’s affectionate touches.

It was still strange and if Noiz didn’t know better, it was almost as if Aoba was clumsily trying to apologize for his treatment of him.

If that was the case, he’d have to try better than that.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

It was after Aoba had come down from another one of his alternating consciousness episodes and was hissing expletives at himself that Noiz’ thoughts were unexpectedly invaded by white hair, although much shorter and messier than the one he was now used to seeing.

The memory of sad rose eyes followed and Noiz’ chest ached.

It had been a while.

His world had been completely reduced to Koujaku and Aoba and thinking of others before them only made him even more impatient for escape than he already was.

But now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop.

How was Clear? Last time Noiz had seen him had been months ago and he’d looked so sad back then.

How was Clear currently being treated? Had he been reprogrammed or was he still the same? Was he constantly miserable or did he have moments of happiness in his new life?

Did Toue make him sing for him?

Now that Clear was in his thoughts, Noiz couldn’t stop thinking about him. He felt a sudden need to know how he was fairing and the only one who’d be able to give him that information would be Aoba.

Noiz turned to Aoba.

It was a terrible idea, considering how Aoba had treated him in the past days, considering how Aoba had never granted any of his requests before.

But if he didn’t at least try, he knew the thought wouldn’t leave his mind be for days on end.

“Hey,” Noiz called out to Aoba, who was clutching his head with both hands in the far corner of the cell.

Aoba turned towards Noiz and glared daggers at him, as if he was the source of all his problems, “What do you want?”

Noiz thought he maybe should have waited for a better moment for this, as he was making his already slim chances of a favorable answer even worse, but he went for it anyway, “I know you have no reason to do anything for me but I want to ask you something. A favor.”

Aoba’s expression slowly changed from anger to surprise and then, to Noiz’ confusion, he seemed _relieved_ about something. He regarded Noiz with a little half-smile for a few moments, seemingly thinking his words over.

“Hmm, I don’t know. You _have_ behaved yourself, though. Depends on what it is, I guess,” Aoba said in a light tone.

Noiz took a small breath to anchor himself.

“I want to know how Clear is doing.”

Aoba’s face froze for a second, not expecting that request at all. Then, he laughed.

“You _really_ like him, huh?” Aoba teased, “I still remember how angry you were when the not-twins took off his mask and how you wanted me to be gentle with his precious feelings.” Aoba grinned wide, “Do you want me to get a picture of him for you as well, while we’re at it? He _does_ have a lovely face, with much cuter expressions than an Alpha”

Noiz glared at Aoba. He would _fucking love_ a picture of Clear.

“Actually, yeah.”

Aoba sputtered.

“What?”

“I’m taking you up on your offer,” Noiz said without stuttering, “I want to know how he’s doing and I want a picture of him.”

Aoba looked at him incredulously.

For a moment, Noiz feared he’d been too forward but after a while, Aoba chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Desire had been making nothing but bad decisions lately.

He’d had to go find Toue, ask him if he could see Clear, make up a reason as to why, put up with Toue’s mocking comments about the bonds of friendship and he’d probably made the old coot distrust him even more than before. At least Toue had left him in the relative privacy of another room with Clear, although Desire had no doubt Toue would be reviewing the security footage of that room after he and Clear would be done with their conversation.

Truthfully, Desire could have just refused Noiz and left it at that but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that maybe he’d gone too far the last time. Noiz had looked extremely uncomfortable and Koujaku had clearly wanted to stop and Desire had actually wanted to tell them to stop halfway through but he’d just kept quiet instead.

Then, back in his room alone with his thoughts, he’d fought with Reason and despite himself, some of his words had stuck with him.

_Are you trying to make Koujaku hate you?_

Of course he wasn’t, and he hadn’t meant to seriously hurt the kid either but he was _Desire_. It was practically in his nature to lash out without thinking things through.

So maybe he owed Noiz a short visit to Clear.

Desire now sat on a couch, with Clear on another one opposite of him. Clear had a small smile on his lips, although it was visibly strained. He looked tired, somehow, the months at the tower having taken some of the light out of his eyes.

“It’s good to see you mas-” Clear immediately caught himself.

“Um… A...A-Aoba-san” Clear stuttered his name with a small wince as if it physically hurt him to say it.

Desire had to suppress a wince of his own. Seeing Clear in such a pitiful state was really uncomfortable. He remembered from Aoba’s memories how the android used to be so cheerful and bubbly and now he looked so beaten down, without any energy left. He guessed that’s what being around Toue for months would do to someone.

“Hey, Clear,” He said as a sort of greeting, “I came to check on you ‘cus I haven’t seen you in months. How have you been?”

Clear’s eyes came to rest to his gloved hands folded on his lap, “I’ve been relatively well, thank you. Master is kind to me.”

Desire highly doubted that, “I’m actually kinda surprised to see you’re still left with your old programming. What does the old man do with you?”

Clear furrowed his brows in a sad expression

“Master still conducts various tests on me.”

No surprise there, “What kind of tests?”

“Master likes to test my emotional responses to various situations. He has shown much interest from the start in analyzing to what extent my programming has been altered by my grandfather. He is also very interested in my song and has conducted many experiments on it,” Clear sighed softly, “He’s played recordings of my song to the Alphas too. It breaks them.”

Desire whistled at that. That was rather impressive.

“Does he plan on leaving you with your grandpa’s programming?” Desire asked, “Or is he planning on reprogramming you to his liking?”

“Master wants to eventually reprogram me,” Clear answered in a glum tone, “But he enjoys the studies he can carry out on my emotions for the time being, so he won’t adjust my programming just yet.”

That did sound like the research-based sadist Desire knew, “What about the Alphas? Do you get along with your brothers?”

Clear wrinkled his nose adorably at that, “Not really. They’re very ruthless, they have very little sympathy for others, they don’t think highly of humans that aren’t their master and they make fun of me most of the time. I don’t like being around them much.”

Desire tilted his head to the side, “So life in general just sucks.”

“I’m alright,” Clear said, still looking crestfallen, “I can move freely enough and I get to sing frequently. It’s just lonely, sometimes.”

Desire stared at Clear for a few moments. It had been a depressing conversation and Desire wanted to leave already. He then pushed his wrist out of his robes to reveal the coil he had there.

“Speaking of lonely,” He said as he brought the coil up, “I need you to stop looking like a kicked puppy for a sec and smile or something. Noiz wanted me to get a picture of you.”

Clear jumped up and stuttered for bit.

“W-what? N-Noiz-san? He wanted a picture of me? Really? What for?”

“He’s really missed you. He wanted to know how you’ve been and wanted me to take a picture of you,” Desire explained.

Clear’s eye widened and his mouth fell open.

“R-really..?”

“Yup.”

“I-I’ve really missed him too,” Clear said with the hints of a blush spreading on his cheeks, “Has he been doing all right down in the cells?”

“Oh, he’s been perfectly fine,” Desire said with a smirk, “He and Koujaku have become the best of friends, if only you could see them.”

Bewilderment spread on Clear’s features, “Noiz-san and Koujaku-san? But they would always fight!”

Desire laughed, “The things being in close quarters will do to people. Now sit up straight and smile for Noiz.”

Still flustered, Clear smiled shyly, a cute flush gracing his pale cheeks. It was a good look, Clear actually looked happy for the first time since Desire arrived and it really suited him, so he snapped the photo.

Picture taken, Desire stood up.

“Well, it’s about time I left. Nice talking to you, Clear. See you soon, hopefully.”

Clear stood up as well and headed towards Desire.

“It was nice seeing you too, Aoba-san.”

Desire walked towards the door with the intention of leaving.

Strong arms wrapped around him. Clear held him gently, his face was right beside his and his mouth right next to Desire’s ear, whispering softly.

“Please be careful.”

Clear let go after that and opened the door for Desire. Desire walked out, Clear’s hushed voice still ringing in his ear. Clear knew something he didn’t, had probably heard something from Toue that pertained to his distrust of Desire.

As he walked back to his rooms, he didn’t miss the two sets of footsteps following behind him amidst the patrolling guards along the hallways.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Desire was almost relieved to see a projection of Sei in his bedroom. It had been a long time since he’d last seen Aoba’s twin. He’d almost thought Sei had given up on him.

Desire went to sit on his bed in front of Sei, “Hey there, long time no see. To what do I owe this visit?”

Sei looked worried, his eyebrows creasing in concern, “You went to talk to your friend Clear, right?”

“Just doing one of my playmates a favor, why?”

“Toue is planning on reprogramming Clear one of these days,” Sei said, “I’ll disrupt the procedure when that day comes. I’ll disrupt it as many times as it takes. Clear being reprogrammed is one of the worst things that could happen.”

“You’re always sabotaging everything,” Desire said with a sigh, “But _I’m_ the one who’s considered a loose cannon that must be followed everywhere. Why’s that?”

Sei shook his head.

“Clear isn’t the most pressing matter at the moment. Aoba is about to do something terrible that I can’t stop, only he can,” Sei took a few steps towards Desire and leaned over him, “Please, let me talk to Aoba.”

Desire rolled his eyes, “Everyone always wants to talk to Aoba. It’s always Aoba. Aoba, Aoba, Aoba.”

Sei bit his lip, “This is really important, he’s going to hurt you both without truly meaning it. He’s going to make a huge mistake.”

“How do you even know what he plans to do, anyway?” Desire asked.

“I tried to enter your dreams last night as you slept, but I wasn’t able to,” Sei recounted with worried eyes, “I caught Aoba trying to take over your consciousness in your sleep. I tried to talk to him but he slipped from my grasp.”

Desire frowned. So now Reason was trying to take over while he slept. He couldn’t let his guard down even in his sleep.

“He won’t do shit.” Desire growled, “I’ll crush him down each and every time he tries to come out to the surface to do anything. I’m the one in control now.”

“You need to _listen._ That’s _not_ what you want! You both need to work together and-”

“It’s too late for that,” Desire snapped, “We can’t stand each other. We both want the other to just disappear.”

Sei balled his delicate hands into fists and continued to ask to see Aoba. Desire fell back onto the bed and covered his head with a pillow to tune Sei out. Why had he even wanted to see Sei in the first place? It was always the same thing anyway.

He focused on reaching into himself to seek Reason out to stomp him but Reason maddeningly kept himself just out of reach.

In the end, he only managed to give himself a migraine.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Noiz felt his heart sink as Aoba finished retelling his time with Clear from the other side of the bars. He’d already expected Clear to be unhappy at Toue’s side, already had some sort of idea of what Aoba had told him but he’d still wanted to hear about him, to know Clear was more or less “alright”.

“Sorry I don’t have better news for you,” Aoba said, “But at least I have something I _know_ you’ll like.”

He reached into his robes and pulled out a small piece of paper, put his hand through the metal bars and let it flutter to the floor.

“I would stay longer with you two, but I have a massive headache. I’ll be leaving now, but I’ll be back soon.”

With that, Aoba left the dungeons, his footsteps echoing behind him.

Noiz crawled out from his place in Koujaku’s lap and headed towards the paper on the ground. He reached for it and flipped it over. A small breath slipped past his lips.

Messy white hair, bright rose eyes, soft pink blush on his pale cheeks, two moles under his bottom lip. What really made the picture was his genuine, somewhat embarrassed, smile. Noiz had no idea how Aoba got Clear to smile like that given the circumstances but he looked adorable. Like a bunny.

It almost made him feel downright thankful towards Aoba.

Noiz dragged himself back to Koujaku’s lap and showed him the photo almost excitedly.

“Remember Clear?” Noiz asked, “Weird gas mask guy?”

Koujaku growled in assent.

Noiz shoved the picture under the man’s nose, “This is what his face looks like.”

Koujaku grunted in what sounded like astonishment.

“I know, right,” Noiz said as he held the picture with both hands and took another good look at it, “He always had a cute face under that mask.”

He felt a sort of contentment warm him up inside. Clear was still unwillingly serving Toue, still as imprisoned as Noiz was but at least there was a moment in time where he had honestly smiled, where he’d felt at least a hint of happiness, and that moment had been captured in a photo that was now Noiz’.

Clear wasn’t free, but Noiz at least had the knowledge that he’d smiled recently.

After the rollercoaster of emotions he’d felt in the past three or so weeks, Clear’s smile made him feel much calmer.

Noiz put the picture down and leaned back into Koujaku’s chest while wiggling, practically snuggling against him, and Koujaku automatically wrapped his arms tight around him. He felt something rubbing against his head and realized Koujaku was nuzzling his hair. Noiz gave in to the cuddling beast, feeling particularly agreeable to the affectionate treatment. Enveloped by Koujaku, he felt extremely comfortable and safe.

He imagined being loved would feel like this.

Before his mind would drift off to other dangerous thoughts, he brought his attention back to Clear’s photo.

He tried to resolutely keep his focus on Clear for the rest of the day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, this fic is gonna be longer than I expected.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desire keeps making terrible decisions A.K.A. Breaking point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild consent issues and bloody, violent sex.

“You can do whatever you want to me.”

Going beyond Clear’s picture, Aoba was still trying to mend something that had been broken from the start. Their strange little ménage à trois had started for the wrong reasons; it was obvious to Noiz there was nothing to repair, just as obvious as it was that this Aoba knew of little else to offer other than his body.

It reminded Noiz of his first year on the island, back when he was even scrawnier, trying to live painlessly and without anything he could have even faked pride over.

It would have been sad to see himself reflected in Aoba if it didn’t irritate him so much.

Aoba brushed his lips gently over Noiz’ own, mingling their breaths together. Aoba’s coquettish gaze never left Noiz’ own as his hands ran firmly up and down Noiz’ body, putting enough pressure behind his touches so the blond could feel it.

Noiz sighed. Aoba could have made a whore jealous.

“You can hurt me as much as you like, you know I won’t mind.”

Though Aoba was being so insistent with his seduction attempts, he still didn’t seem desperate. He kept a languid pace, even appearing loving and tender in his caresses at times, though Noiz only saw it as a façade of affection.

It only made his blood simmer.

“Let all of your pent up anger out on me. It’s fine, I can take it.”

And as always, Aoba seemed to be oblivious to how little of a choice he left Noiz in these situations. Noiz had already seen how Aoba reacted when refused and he wasn’t keen on seeing it again.

Aoba pressed his lips against Noiz’ in a firm but gentle kiss.

Noiz roughly pulled him off and, ignoring Koujaku’s angry growl, backhanded Aoba across the face with all his strength.

With a shocked gasp, Aoba fell to his side under Noiz’ icy glare.

If Aoba wanted to make amends by inviting violence on himself, Noiz would indulge him.

Koujaku snarled, teeth bared, clearly disapproving of Noiz’ rough treatment of Aoba. Noiz glared back at him, silently calling him a hypocrite before he reached over and grabbed a handful of Aoba’s hair. Aoba laughed in between whines of pain as Noiz dragged him by the hair closer to the cell’s bars and out of the collared Koujaku’s reach. Once far enough, Noiz slammed Aoba hard on the ground, onto his back, and climbed on top of him.

Noiz didn’t hold back after that, biting into Aoba’s skin almost hard enough to make him bleed, thoroughly scratching him up, pulling on the older boy’s sensitive hair so harshly he was surprised he didn’t rip it out and slapping him again when his squirming became bothersome.

Aoba very clearly enjoyed every minute of mistreatment, arching his body into every bite, moaning in pain and evident pleasure when his hair was pulled, his legs spreading wider to accommodate Noiz between them, his pretty, pink cock hard and leaking.

It was always fascinating to Noiz, how much this Aoba enjoyed pain, and he had to swallow his envy down, shoving aside his own deep, impossible desire of one day experiencing pain the way Aoba did.

A part of Noiz found Aoba’s obvious bliss in pain beautiful and with that in mind, he pinned Aoba’s wrists above his head and held them in one hand, positioned his own cock against his entrance and rammed violently into him with a harsh thrust, ripping a loud cry from Aoba’s throat.

Noiz didn’t give Aoba time to adjust and immediately set up a brutal, fast pace, shoving his full weight behind every thrust. Blood helped him move more smoothly and the faint heat he could feel along with the oppressive tightness of Aoba’s inner walls only encouraged him to slam in harder, deeper, jolting Aoba’s body with his rough thrusts.

Aoba cried out with each vicious shove into his body and he writhed in evident pleasure in Noiz’ hold, wrapping his legs around the blond’s waist and moving his hips in time with Noiz’ thrusts.

It wasn’t long before Aoba was on the verge of coming, Noiz could tell in the way his cries grew higher-pitched and his insides would tighten with each forward shove of Noiz’ cock.

Just as Aoba was on the very brink, Noiz brought his free hand to the base of Aoba’s cock and squeezed it painfully hard.

Aoba let out a strangled cry at having his orgasm denied.

“N-Noiz!”

Noiz squeezed harder and kept his forceful pace up. Aoba twisted and writhed beneath him, pulling at his pinned wrists. Quickly realizing that would get him nowhere, Aoba resorted to begging.

“Noiz… please... let me come.”

The hand around Aoba’s cock was still squeezing tight and Noiz kept thrusting into him, ignoring his pleas.

Aoba whined in discomfort.

“P-please… please, let me come… please…”

Noiz leaned in closer, until his nose was brushing Aoba’s.

“If you keep begging so prettily, I think I just might let you come.”

Aoba’s eyes widened as he gasped and Noiz knew he’d recognized the words he’d used; Aoba himself had said them before, after all.

Aoba squirmed more desperately in Noiz’ hold.

“Noiz… please… I need it.”

Noiz readjusted his hips to thrust at a new angle, aiming to hit Aoba’s prostate with each snap of his hips. By the way Aoba’s whole body jerked, it worked.

“Aahh…! Noiz, please…! It hurts...”

“I thought you loved it when it hurt?”

It would have been perfect to ignore Aoba’s begging and fuck him to completion without letting him come, to use him the way he’d used Noiz before. Noiz was planning on doing just that and kept thrusting mercilessly against Aoba’s prostate, deaf to his pleas.

“Aahh…! I’m… I’m sorry…!”

Noiz’ ears perked up at that.

“I’m sorry… I really am… so, let me come… please…?”

Aoba was getting so desperate he was apologizing and Noiz felt himself growing even more aroused, nearing his own climax. Aoba’s apology would make it even better when he’d be used and discarded like a toy.

Or at least that was what Noiz told himself.

In truth, Noiz was finding it very hard to keep denying Aoba. Tears streamed down Aoba’s cute, reddened face, his plush, pale lips wet, the cheek Noiz had struck earlier swelling slightly and likely to bruise. Aoba’s big, tearful eyes always stirred something in Noiz’ chest and if he would actually be honest with his own desires, he’d lean down and kiss Aoba.

“Please…! I’ve been good… I haven’t used Scrap… and I won’t use it, either… please, just let me come…”

It was true. Aoba could have easily used Scrap to get what he wanted but refrained from doing so and Noiz was honestly impressed. Aoba was more committed to repairing their “relationship” than he’d given him credit for.

Maybe a reward was in order?

There wasn’t any anger left in Noiz nor any more desire to humiliate Aoba, it had all steadily melted away to nothing. Aoba’s voice was so sweet when he begged and Noiz had always been weak to Aoba’s tears, both Aobas’.

Annoyed with himself, Noiz’ grip on Aoba’s cock loosened and he started stroking it in time with his thrusts.

The response was immediate, Aoba sobbing in relief and in just a few strokes, Aoba was arching his back, screaming in his release as he spilled all over his stomach and chest.

Aoba’s insides contracted rhythmically when he came, milking Noiz’ cock and sucking him in, pulling his orgasm from him.

Right after coming, Noiz let go of Aoba’s wrists and collapsed on top of him, panting heavily.

Aoba promptly wrapped his arms tightly around Noiz and kissed his cheek.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

After Aoba left the cell for the night, Noiz crawled over to Koujaku for their nightly embrace, only to be coldly rebuffed.

Noiz rolled his eyes, knowing the reason behind Koujaku’s rejection.

“He deserved it.”

Koujaku growled back angrily in disagreement.

Noiz glared at him.

“I only slapped him around a couple times and made him beg. It’s the least I could do after what he’s done to me.”

“Nnnggh.”

Noiz recognized the low sound as Koujaku’s attempt at saying his name. He scoffed, finding Koujaku’s lecturing tone ridiculous.

“You’re one to talk, considering the shit you do to him.”

Koujaku looked downright offended and growled in displeasure, teeth bared.

Noiz leaned forward, eyes hard.

“So it’s fine for  _ you _ to make him bleed but when  _ I _ do it, suddenly it’s wrong?”

Koujaku’s eyes widened and he snarled in response but Noiz wasn’t having it.

“ _ You’re _ the only one allowed to hurt him, then, even when he’s clearly asking for  _ me _ ? Is that it, old man?”

Koujaku shook his head and growled low in frustration. A rough sigh left his lips and he glared at the ground, letting Noiz know he’d won their little argument.

Minutes passed with neither of them moving towards the other. Noiz stubbornly waited for Koujaku to make the first move, refusing to give in as he’d clearly been the one who’d been right.

Finally, Koujaku sighed again and hesitantly reached out for Noiz’ hand.

Seeing the olive branch for what it was, Noiz accepted Koujaku’s hand and laced their fingers together.

Koujaku pulled the blond onto his lap and held him close.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Desire stared openly at Mink’s body as the older man showered.

Mink had been just as irritated to see him as he’d always been when he’d entered his cell, but had come agreeably enough with the promise of a shower.

Mink was huge- almost as big as Koujaku was now as a beast. The man’s rugged, deeply tanned skin was smooth over broad, rolling muscles and the way his wet biceps glistened under the spray of water looked delectable. There were barely any traces of Toue’s experiments on him, just fading needle marks on his arms. Licking the water droplets that ran down his thick neck was becoming an increasingly more appealing idea by the minute.

The thought had wormed itself into Desire’s mind that late morning when he’d walked into Koujaku’s cell to see Koujaku happily cuddling a sleeping Noiz.

Even though Desire was working to repair the damage he’d done to Noiz in his fits of jealousy, seeing Koujaku being so affectionate to Noiz still stung deeply, the image of them holding hands still fresh in his mind. Still, Desire had promised himself he would suppress his urges that told him to lash out at Noiz. Desire didn’t even hate Noiz; he was actually a bit fond of him but it was hard to control his jealous impulses. He’d done a good job already of refraining from using Scrap during sex with him and Desire planned to keep it up. Even at his angriest, making Noiz suffer wasn’t really something he enjoyed all that much.

So he looked for other outlets for his jealousy and set his eyes on Mink. Luckily, Toue hadn’t sent for Mink on that particular day.

Maybe if he entered Koujaku’s cell reeking of Mink and dripping with his seed, Koujaku would stop doting on Noiz so much to reclaim what was his. Koujaku would feel the sting of jealousy for once and maybe he’d even be angry with Desire and tear him to shreds. Anything was fine. As long as Desire could have Koujaku’s undivided attention and passion completely focused on himself, anything would do.

Mink using his strength against Desire’s body would feel very different than Koujaku’s own might. Koujaku was so tame now that he could be ordered around and told to restrain himself but he was still a predatory menace that, when angered, was absolutely savage and viewed everyone as possible prey. When enraged, he was completely animalistic and feral, driven by instinct and desire.

Mink was ruthless, driven to do anything to achieve his goals. Desire still remembered the rather unpleasant way Aoba had found himself about to be gangraped by Scratch members and how Desire had to intervene, the way Mink hadn’t shown an ounce of guilt or regret afterwards coming to mind. The man still managed to be oddly devout and religious despite his callous ways, though; Desire often saw him praying back when he’d regularly visit him and Mink would look at him with something akin to hatred, not hesitating when he’d call him a devil, as if Desire was possessing Aoba’s body wrongfully. Desire knew Mink would love to beat him while at the same time, his golden eyes would often wander to his body. He’d teased the man before as well, but he’d never let himself get too far with him.

The thought of Mink making him submit violently through his fists and ramming his cock inside him afterwards made a shiver of pure  _ want _ run up Desire’s spine. He started stripping off his robes, intent on provoking Mink into it. His heart would always belong to Koujaku but Koujaku himself hadn’t waited for his approval before fucking Noiz for the first time, anyway. Desire could barely wait to see Koujaku’s reaction when he’d catch the scent of another man on Desire’s body, a man he hated no less.

Fully naked, Desire walked into the showers and wasted no time pressing himself against the tiled wall right in front of Mink, a playful smirk ready on his lips. The scent of cinnamon rose up to his nose, a scent that seemed to follow Mink everywhere.

There wasn’t an ounce of shock on Mink’s face, as if he’d been expecting this to happen. The tall man gazed down at Desire and waited, annoyance evident in his eyes. The obvious disdain only spurred Desire on further, making him view it as a challenge to surmount. He brought a hand up to Mink’s face and trailed a slim finger down Mink’s chiseled jaw.

“You looked lonely, standing here all by yourself,” Desire murmured sultrily, “I thought I might join you and we could have some fun.”

Mink scoffed and rolled his eyes, seeming to find Desire’s blatant advances ridiculous, “Don’t your depravities with Red and the boy keep you busy enough already?”

Desire licked his bottom lip deliberately slowly, “I’ll always have time for you.”

“I have no interest in you,” Mink crossly replied.

It was always like this, with Mink pretending he was indifferent to Desire, his coldness bordering on disgust. It was fine, he could feign disinterest all he wanted, it made things even funner.

“That’s alright,” Desire said pleasantly, “I’ll just have to get you interested, won’t I?”

Desire slid his hands down Mink’s wide chest, palms flat, feeling the hard muscles underneath rich, tan skin. At the same time, he stood on his tiptoes and leaned in, trying to reach the man’s neck with his mouth.

Mink stopped him short, aggressively shoving him against the wall, Desire’s back hitting it painfully.

“Don’t. Touch. Me,” Mink said in a low, dangerous tone.

Desire’s chest heaved as he felt excitement course through his veins.

“Heh, you’re violent,” He noted with a grin, loving the ache in his back, “If you don’t like being touched, we can work with that as well. You can touch  _ me _ instead.”

With that said, Desire took a hold of Mink’s hand and placed it flat against his own chest, the large palm almost encompassing his whole chest. He slid Mink’s hand across his chest in circles, letting him feel his collarbones, his soft skin and his small, hard nipples, gasping when his broad fingers brushed against the sensitive buds.

Mink looked angry, expression tight. His hand twitched, like he was about to pull it away at any moment but he still let Desire continue. It was obviously something Mink was reluctantly enjoying, Desire noting with interest how the man’s cock visibly hardened as his hand felt more of the silky skin beneath its palm.

When Desire moved the hand to his neck, Mink’s fingers closed around it and stayed there, no longer allowing his hand to be moved.

Desire laughed, his throat vibrating against the fingers encircling it. Mink had spent some very lonely months so far, so the man probably wouldn’t be able to resist much longer. Desire was about to get what he wanted and heat pooled low in his belly in anticipation.

“Wouldn’t you just love to dig your fingers into my neck and choke me? Would that turn you on even more?”

Mink’s glare darkened, fingers tightening around the sides of Desire’s neck, “You’re enjoying this too much, devil.”

Desire wrapped a leg around Mink’s waist and pulled him closer, hissing when the big man’s half hard cock brushed against his own completely erect one “You’re getting excited from this, yourself, and I know you would feel it even more if you let your pent up anger loose on me.”

Mink narrowed his eyes, understanding setting in his gaze.

“Break me,” Desire breathed out as he caressed Mink’s arm, “Rip me apart, make a mess of me, anything is fine.”

Cold, hard golden eyes locked with his own.

“So that’s what you want. That’s what you’ve been trying to goad me into all this time.”

Desire just smiled sweetly, tracing Mink’s muscles with his fingertips. He’d love to trail his mouth over them, taste his lovely skin and feel its heat but he doubted Mink would ever let him. Feeling pleasurable pain under his hands would more than make up for it, though.

Mink let got of Desire’s neck to painfully pull at his hair instead. Desire let out a strangled cry at the harsh tug searing his nerves and choked out a laugh. His hair had gone through a lot of abuse lately.

His hair was quickly released, though and he was then flipped over so he was facing the wall and his wrists were caught above his head in an unshakable grip. Desire wasn’t too happy about that - he’d expected more foreplay before they’d get to the sex.

“Already?” He didn’t hide the disappointment in his voice, “I thought you would draw this out a little more.”

“Be quiet,” Mink ordered roughly.

“Make me,” Desire shot back with a little wiggle of his hips, “Don’t you want to make me pay for all those times I riled you up in your cell before?”

Mink let out a low growl but was otherwise silent himself. In fact, he didn’t lay a hand on Desire afterwards besides the one holding onto his wrists. A long moment passed and nothing happened, only Mink’s heavy breaths could be heard. Desire frowned, his body hot with the need for a good fuck, a punch, a touch, anything. He looked over his shoulder in annoyance.

Mink wasn’t about to enter Desire or anything of the sort. Mink had his thick cock in his hand and was pumping it hard and fast.

Desire gasped at the sight. He needed Mink’s scent for Koujaku to smell on him, not to mention he was in painful need of some sort of physical contact to relieve the pressure inside himself. Mink had just what he needed in the palm of his hand, only he was cruelly keeping it to himself for some reason.

“W-what are you doing?” Desire asked incredulously, “C’mon, I want your cock.”

Desire angled his hips out towards Mink, but the man kept stroking his own cock at the same fast pace as before, keeping his gaze on Desire’s body but ignoring the offer.

Desire was getting highly restless, the utter disregard making his hips throb even more.

“Mink, put it inside me,” Desire demanded breathily.

Mink made absolutely no move to obey him.

Desire’s breath quickened and he swayed his hips from side to side in an attempt to entice Mink, keeping the movement slow and appetizing. Mink groaned at the sight but obstinately kept his hand to himself, refusing to even touch Desire for just a short moment. Vexation bubbled in Desire’s gut as his rock hard cock dripped precum, unnattended.

“Come  _ on _ , why aren’t you doing anything?!” He whined, “Just fuck me already!”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“You work for Toue,” Mink explained between ragged breaths, “You helped subdue this island and you imprisoned me. I’m not doing anything you want, devil.”

Desire gasped.

“I-it’s not just something only  _ I _ want, you clearly want it too!” He stuttered, “Being inside me will feel  _ so _ much better than your hand.”

His words didn’t have the desired effect as Mink was completely unmoved.

He thrashed under Mink’s hold of his wrists, wanting to jump on him as soon as he was free, but the man’s grip was as strong as metal. He went back to squirming and demanding Mink to fuck him, to no avail.

Desire resigned himself to trying to rub his swollen cock against the wall, the cold hardness offering very little relief and being completely insufficient to bring him to the edge.

Finally, he heard Mink groan and he felt the hot splashes of his cum landing on his lower back. After a few seconds had passed and he’d gotten his breath under control, Mink let go of his wrists and Desire leaned against the wall, his cheeks burning as his cock still jutted out, leaking, from between his hips.

Without even a glance in his direction, Mink went back to washing himself as if nothing happened, leaving Desire trembling with disbelief.

He’d just been used as a  _ cum rag _ and, because he was masochism personified, he was horribly aroused from it.

At least he’d gotten the most important part of what he’d wanted, Mink’s cum cooling on his lower back and he brought his hand to his back to spread the cum over his skin. It was quite a bit as well, perfect for what he needed. Koujaku’s sense of smell was enhanced enough that he’d be able to pick up Mink’s scent right away.

Satisfied with that, Desire took his cock in his hand and began to pump it hard, all the while fantasizing of awful things to do to Mink. Maybe he’d throw him into Koujaku’s cell in the near future. Desire doubted Mink would moan prettily like Noiz had when Koujaku would maul him and he didn’t think the man was Koujaku’s type anyway. Besides, it could be interesting to see Mink defend himself against the beast’s feral attacks. It would be like putting a lion against a hunter, that sort of fight. Desire’s eyes lit up.  _ That _ could be very interesting.

He ignored Reason’s shouting protests at the back of his skull, focusing on bringing himself much needed relief.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Noiz immediately noticed something was wrong when Aoba entered the cell.

Aoba himself was acting much too cheerful, which was unsettling enough on its own but it wasn’t what had Noiz worried.

It was Koujaku’s reaction to Aoba’s arrival that sent unpleasant shivers down Noiz’ spine.

As soon as Aoba had stepped into the cell, Koujaku’s whole body had tensed, his nostrils flaring as breathed in deeply, his pupils dilating. His hands had trembled slightly as he’d raked his claws against the floor, his jaw twitching as he stared at Aoba with such dark eyes Noiz could have sworn Koujaku was  _ livid _ .

But why? Aoba had done nothing but enter the cell and Koujaku adored Aoba, and he’d always been ready to forgive his awful behaviour.

And yet with each step Aoba took, each slow movement he made as he disrobed, Koujaku’s inexplicable anger only seemed to grow.

Even more puzzling, Aoba very clearly knew the reason behind Koujaku’s sudden anger, evident in the playfulness of his smile as he walked deliberately slowly towards him. Aoba was outright enjoying Koujaku’s strange ire and Noiz felt there was some sort of unspoken exchange between the two that he couldn’t understand.

Koujaku’s breathing quickened and his face twisted into a snarl of rage, teeth clenched and eyes narrowing dangerously as he growled deeply.

The way Koujaku looked at Aoba had Noiz completely on edge. Koujaku’s eyes were clouded with something baser than rage, something more primal and feral that had Noiz genuinely worrying for Aoba.

Just what the hell was going on?

Upon reaching Koujaku, Aoba lowered himself to his knees in front of him and, clearly lacking self-preservation instincts, he brought a hand to Koujaku’s face and lovingly caressed his cheek.

“Koujaku.”

Noiz held his breath as he watched the tattoos on Koujaku’s body shift across his skin.

Aoba smiled sweetly, ignoring the way the man trembled in barely repressed fury and leaning in closer before speaking.

“Shouldn’t you take back what’s yours?”

The words had barely left Aoba’s lips before Koujaku lunged at him with a roar.

A shocked gasp left Noiz’ throat as Koujaku clawed and bit violently at Aoba’s body in a rage, his usual caution and care lost in a fever-hot frenzy of blood and anger.

Why was this happening? Noiz was completely bewildered and almost scared, unable to make sense of anything. Koujaku had seemingly snapped over nothing and he was now attacking  _ Aoba _ , his most precious person.

It didn’t make any sense but Aoba was enjoying it too much for Koujaku’s rage to have been completely unexplainable.  _ Something _ had set him off and Aoba knew what it was.

Blood sprayed on the floor and Aoba moaned in delight as his skin was torn, uncaring of the danger he was in. Noiz’ heart hammered against his ribcage in anxiety. With the savage way Koujaku was mauling Aoba, he was at a real risk of seriously injuring him. From his chest down to his thighs, Aoba’s body was thoroughly smeared in red.

“Koujaku!”

Noiz tried to call out to Koujaku but it was useless. Koujaku’s eyes were completely clouded by rage, devoid of reason. It was as if his beastly side had completely taken over his human side.

Koujaku flipped Aoba onto his stomach and brought his claws down to Aoba’s lower back. Growling angrily, he tore at the skin there over and over, as if trying to scratch something out even though Noiz could see nothing there. Aoba laughed between gasps of pains as Koujaku raked his claws repeatedly over the same spot countless times, ignoring Noiz’ voice once more. Aoba’s flesh was torn over and over, until nothing but smeared blood could be seen.

Finally satisfied, Koujaku ceased his clawing to raise Aoba’s hips. Hastily moving the sheet at his waist to the side, he quickly positioned his cock against Aoba’s entrance and violently rammed into him with a growl.

Aoba screamed as he was filled, his body rocked back and forth as Koujaku promptly set up a brutal pace. Koujaku fucked Aoba with a violence Noiz had never seen before, each forceful thrust ripping loud cries of pained pleasure from Aoba, bliss clearly evident on his wet face.

With a hand on Aoba’s chest, Koujaku raised Aoba’s upper body and lowered his face to the boy’s neck. Aoba whimpered when Koujaku’s teeth sank deeply into the side of his neck and he brought his hand to the one on his chest, gripping it tightly.

With the way Koujaku had been acting more and more human lately, it was sometimes easy to overlook his beastly exterior but seeing him now, biting and rutting animalistically into a bleeding Aoba, Noiz was starkly reminded that Koujaku truly  _ was _ a beast. As human as Koujaku acted, he was still trapped in the body of a beast with everything that entailed. Though he’d been making progress, there were still parts of him that were completely overridden by impulse and instinct.

Aoba’s voice was growing weak and he looked about ready to pass out and Noiz could see why: Koujaku was worrying at the bite on his neck, with an alarming amount of blood pouring out. Noiz called out to Koujaku, hoping the urgency in his voice would reach him but it was as hopeless as the first time he tried with Koujaku truly gone, fully replaced by a mindless beast.

Though Aoba still wore the expression of someone experiencing heaven itself, Noiz didn’t miss the way his voice wavered and his eyes flickered unsteadily. But what could he do? Koujaku wasn’t listening to Noiz, the beast was immeasurably stronger than him and Noiz feared making things worse if he tried to intervene.

Thankfully, it didn’t last much longer. Aoba soon came amidst his cries and a few seconds later, Koujaku came to a stop with a groan and collapsed on top of Aoba, finally letting go of his neck.

Koujaku’s body covered Aoba for a few long minutes, in which Noiz kept worrying about Aoba’s bleeding neck. After a short time that seemed like an eternity, Koujaku stirred and slowly got up on his elbows, blinking slowly, bleary eyed, as if he was just waking from a long sleep.

His expression quickly turned to shock when he looked down at the boy lying underneath him.

Relief pooled Noiz’ chest, Koujaku’s visible distress at what he’d done proof that he was finally back to normal.

Koujaku hurriedly pulled out, got off of Aoba and rolled him onto his back, his expression growing more horrified as he took in the damage on Aoba’s body.

More worryingly, Aoba remained with his eyes closed, the right side of his neck still bleeding profusely.

With clear concern in his eyes, Koujaku reached out for Aoba’s neck.

“Wait.”

This time, Koujaku did look at Noiz when the blond spoke.

Noiz crawled forward and reached around for Aoba’s discarded robes. Ripping a long strip of cloth from them, he handed the white fabric to Koujaku.

“Use this.”

Looking exceedingly worried, Koujaku soundlessly grabbed the cloth and pressed it to Aoba’s bleeding neck.

After long seconds of silent waiting, Aoba’s eyelids flickered and he slowly opened his eyes, a tired but happy smile spreading on his lips.

“Koujaku…”

Aoba brought an unsteady hand to Koujaku’s face and tenderly brushed his hair back.

“You were just as violent as you used to be when you first got here.”

Aoba quietly laughed, wincing slightly from the pain it brought on.

“You even scared Aoba away. He didn’t come out this time.”

It was true, the old Aoba hadn’t taken control this time. Guilt flashed across Koujaku’s face and his expression grew sad.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. It felt amazing. In fact…” Aoba’s eyes gleamed as his smile turned playful, “Maybe I should misbehave more often if it means you’ll love me this passionately every time I do.”

It was Koujaku’s turn to wince, looking thoroughly upset by Aoba’s words but choosing to stay silent, still quietly pressing the now soiled cloth to Aoba’s neck.

It only confirmed to Noiz that Aoba had knowingly done something to enrage Koujaku beyond reason.

But what? From what Noiz had seen, all Aoba had done was enter the cell and yet the way Aoba spoke implied he’d done something else and Koujaku acted as if he knew of it.

It made no sense but it wasn’t normal for Koujaku to be pulled into a blind rage out of nowhere.

_ Something  _ that Noiz hadn’t been able to see must have triggered it.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

In the end, Aoba had been able to wobbily get on his feet, redress and limp out of the dungeon to care for his wounds.

Once left alone with Koujaku, Noiz had felt like he was about to burst, all the anxiety, confusion and worry he’d been feeling flooding his senses.

He remembered Koujaku being angry with him a few days ago for being too rough with Aoba.

That was fucking hilarious in retrospect with what had happened now.

Noiz grabbed Koujaku by the hair and pulled on it to bring him closer.

“What the hell happened?”

Even though he knew Koujaku wouldn’t be able to answer, he couldn’t help keeping his shaking voice from demanding an explanation.

As soon as he saw Koujaku’s face, he immediately regretted opening his mouth.

Koujaku’s eyes were too wide and too wet and his mouth kept trembling too much. Noiz felt panic surge through him. It was one thing to see Aoba cry but he would  _ never _ be ready to deal with Koujaku’s tears. He had no idea of what to do.

Noiz put his hands on Koujaku’s shoulders.

“Ok, calm down, calm down,” he wasn’t sure if he was saying that to Koujaku or himself, “He’s going to be fine, he was able to walk out of here just fine, he’s going to be alright.”

Koujaku looked up at him questioningly.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Noiz assured, “The bite  _ did _ look bad but with the proper care it should heal well, I’m sure of it.”

A small bit of relief crossed Koujaku’s features and Noiz shared it as well, although for different reasons. At least for now, Koujaku looked less likely to cry.

With the way Koujaku was acting, it was as if he hadn’t been in control of himself when he’d attacked Aoba. With how shocked he’d seemed, it was also as if Koujaku didn’t remember the things he’d done during his rage episode, either. Noiz also remembered seeing Koujaku’s tattoos shift right before he lunged at Aoba.

Which made him wonder…

“Was it the tattoos?” Noiz asked, “Did the tattoos make you…” he trailed off.

Koujaku looked at him with a very complicated expression. Noiz interpreted it as meaning that the tattoos  _ were _ involved but that it wasn’t the whole story.

Noiz ran the things he knew a few times through his mind before speaking.

“It started with you getting really angry with Aoba over something he did, right?”

Koujaku grunted in confirmation.

“And then the tattoos took over?”

A pause, a rough sigh and then another grunt in assent.

Noiz nodded.

“So your tattoos take over whenever you’re really angry.”

Koujaku lowered his head as if in shame and grunted in agreement once more.

That still didn’t explain what exactly Aoba had done to anger Koujaku to that point and with Koujaku unable to talk, Noiz wouldn’t be able to know the full story but at least things made more sense now. Koujaku looked miserable again, so Noiz wanted to change the subject.

With a sigh, Noiz shook his head.

“In any case, it’s over now,” he grabbed Koujaku’s face as gently as he could manage and pulled it up, “Aoba will be fine, so there’s no need for you to be so upset over this. He’ll be completely healed in no time, you’ll see.”

It wasn’t by much, but Koujaku did seem to be slightly calmed by Noiz’ words.

Noiz pulled him into his arms and sighed into his hair.

It was gonna be a long night.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

The two days that followed were dreadfully long, filled with having to constantly reassure Koujaku of Aoba’s well-being.

Noiz was deeply thankful when Aoba came back after his short absence.

As Noiz had been telling Koujaku over and over, Aoba was as cheerful as ever and looked completely fine, with nothing out of the ordinary save for a bandage on his neck.

Yet Koujaku was still near tears when he saw him again and Aoba noticed.

“Koujaku,” Aoba kneeled to his level, taking his face in his hands, “Koujaku, what’s wrong?”

Hesitantly, Koujaku brought his hand to the uninjured side of Aoba’s neck and gently placed his fingers there. Aoba followed the movement with his eyes, understanding setting in.

“Were you worried about me?”

Koujaku let out a long sigh in answer and lowered his head.

Guilt flashed so quickly across Aoba’s face Noiz thought he’d imagined it but a second later he was all smiles once more.

“Oh, Koujaku, you don’t have to worry about me,” Aoba reassured, “I just had to get a few stitches for my neck and I’m supposed to rest for a few days but I’m fine! The rest of me is fine too. Look…”

Aoba quickly pulled his robes open and showed the numerous bandages wrapped around his body.

“Everything’s taken care of so there’s nothing to worry about! I’m perfectly fine.”

Koujaku still didn’t look completely convinced, the look of concern not leaving his face.

Aoba huffed out an exasperated breath and climbed on Koujaku’s lap.

“You are such a worrywart. I’m telling you, I’m fine. I’m way more resilient than you think I am.”

Koujaku looked up at Aoba with sad, apologetic eyes. Aoba rubbed his nose against Koujaku’s, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

“It’s ok, you didn’t hurt me all that much,” Aoba said “You’ve done worse before.”

That didn’t comfort Koujaku in any way, and he looked even more worried than before.

Aoba shook his head.

“Nevermind that, what matters is that I’m fine now so,” he wiggled in Koujaku’s lap, “Hold me?”

Slowly, Koujaku lightly encircled Aoba’s back with his arms and gently held him, with a carefully soft touch one would use on a fragile porcelain doll that could break at a moment’s notice.

Foregoing his usual demands for rougher treatment, Aoba basked happily in the gentle affections, content to just be held in Koujaku’s arms and be the center of his attention.

It was such a contrast to see Koujaku being so gentle compared to the raging beast he’d been three days ago.

Noiz’ eyes fell on the red peonies inked on the older man’s skin.

He knew what those flowers meant, remembered his own mother being quite fond of them.

Those inked flowers, that basically symbolized the virtues of traditional masculinity, brought out the worst from those same qualities in Koujaku.

From seeing how the tattoo worked, Noiz could tell whoever had designed it had been an individual with a twisted sense of humour.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“Those tattoos were custom designed for him, right? Or the guy who tattooed him knew him personally.”

Koujaku growled in displeasure at the mention of his tattoos and Desire perked up at Noiz’ words.

A few days had passed since Koujaku had mauled him bloody and fucked him to unconsciousness. He still needed his bandages, his body was still sore and he couldn’t get back to his usual activities just yet but the sheer intensity of the encounter had been completely worth it and now, all the gentle affection, attention and care he received from Koujaku more than made up for the mild inconveniences.

Desire was sitting in Koujaku’s lap with Noiz sitting across from them, eyeing the inked blossoms that covered the left side of Koujaku’s body.

“The guy who tattooed Koujaku did know him personally,” Desire replied “Knew him for a while, too. I won’t mention his name, though, that would really upset Koujaku” Desire ran his fingers through Koujaku’s hair, “How did you know?”

Noiz jerked his chin towards Koujaku, “Those flowers, peonies, they really suit his personality.”

Desire snickered, “You know about flowers?  _ You _ ?”

Noiz rolled his eyes, “My mother was into flower arrangements, flowers in art, that bullshit.”

Desire’s eyes fell to the red blooms that covered Koujaku’s left shoulder. He ran his hand over them, trailing the inked petals with his fingers. Koujaku barely reacted, being used by now to being felt all over but Desire still remembered a time when the beast wasn’t too fond of having his tattoos touched. It took patience and a lot of love from Desire’s part to get to the point where Koujaku could let his tattoos be touched.

“So, why do they suit him?” He asked.

“Those flowers represent honor, strength, virility, bravery and sexual power,” Noiz recited.

Desire mulled it over. Ryuuhou inked Koujaku’s virtues into his skin and then twisted them, giving way to a fearsome, wrathful beast whose foundation stood on those same qualities.

How terrible and fascinating at the same time.

“They do suit him,” Desire murmured.

“Makes me wonder how a man like that wound up choosing to be a hairdresser of all things,” Noiz mumbled.

Desire’s mind trailed to the memory of Mink’s fingers pulling on his own locks not too long ago at the mention of hair.

Another thought wormed his way into his mind. He’d been meaning to do something about it for a long time but he always forgot to bring it up whenever he had Koujaku in front of him.

“Koujaku,” he looked up at Koujaku, who was gazing down at him, silently inquiring what Desire wanted, “You used to love Aoba’s hair, you always wanted to touch it, yet since I’ve taken over, you’ve never laid a finger on it. Why?”

Koujaku choked on a grunt, the question completely unexpected. He looked to the side and opened his mouth, only to close it, seeming to struggle to find a way to express himself properly with the shortcomings being a beast with limited vocabulary entailed.

“Graah…”

He tried again, opening his mouth, letting out a groan-like sound and then giving up, frowning deeply, but Desire had an idea of what he was trying to convey.

“You thought you still weren’t allowed to touch it, right?”

Koujaku’s expression softened considerably and he slightly tilted his head to the side. Desire almost rolled his eyes. Of course Koujaku would think that, even as a beast, that was so  _ him _ .

He heard Noiz scoff across them.

“Well, now you don’t have to worry about that any longer because you  _ are _ allowed to touch my hair, as much as you want,” Desire said “You don’t have to be gentle with it either. You can mess it up, pull it, bite it, anything.”

Koujaku made no move to touch his hair. He just kept staring at Desire, expression blank.

Noiz scoffed again.

This time, Desire did roll his eyes and reached for the man’s hand.

“Here,”

Desire put Koujaku’s hand over his own head and slowly moved it over his long hair.

It felt almost ticklish with how gently he was moving Koujaku’s hand although the claws would sometimes catch in the white strands. He thought that If the strokes were to quicken, the claws grazing against his hair could feel seriously painful, which could be rather nice but he kept the pace slow and steady for now.

Desire felt movement under his hand and realized Koujaku was now lightly moving his own hand on his hair, stroking it as softly as he could manage. Koujaku had a look of concentration on his face, moving his hand very slowly while Desire let himself enjoy the balm-like caresses on his sensitive locks.

“Hmm, that feels good,” he purred, “See? I always give you what you want, in the end.”

He’d truly been enjoying Koujaku’s hand in his hair.

So when he felt his consciousness being abruptly pulled to the back and his lips moving without his consent, it was horribly jarring.

_ “This isn’t what Koujaku wants.” _

That voice. It was the same as his but it wasn’t his.

It was Reason’s.

He hadn’t blacked out this time, he was just pulled to the back of their mind and made a spectator, long enough for Reason to speak.

And of course this was what Koujaku wanted, Koujaku had always wanted to touch Aoba’s hair, but this wasn’t about hair. This was about-

Desire pulled himself back out, back in the open. He didn’t have to look to know both Koujaku and Noiz were looking at him with shock in their faces. His mind felt hazy, as if he were coming out of a thick, dark fog.

“This  _ is  _ the result of what Koujaku wanted,” he growled, jumping out of Koujaku’s lap and pacing the cell angrily, “He wanted to be with Aoba forever, I  _ am _ Aoba. He wanted to be accepted, sins and all, and  _ I did _ .”

He was violently pulled to the back of their mind again, forced to listen to Reason have his say on the matter.

_ “How could he possibly want to be locked under Oval Tower as a beast? He has no freedom like this, he hasn’t seen the outside of the tower in months, he’s treated like a plaything and all the things you’ve done, including you working for Toue, would go against everything he stood for. How can you say you love him?” _

“He’s able to destroy as much as he wants without killing like this,” Desire hissed, teeth bared, “I give him an outlet for his destructive urges and his beast form gives him the freedom to sate the violent impulses within him without holding himself back like he’s always had to all his life.” He put his hands to his head, pressing them hard against it, he still felt as if he were in a haze, “I love him more than  _ you _ ever have, I actually understand his needs and adjust accordingly to them. Toue is just a temporary roof to keep him under, you  _ know _ keeping a beast anywhere else would be fucking hard.”

He felt Reason flare up in anger within their shared skull and he shook his head, trying to keep him down, trying to clear the strange black mist from his head.

_ “If you think this is understanding his needs, than you know nothing of him. Koujaku isn’t like you! He hasn’t been waiting all his life for the opportunity to destroy. His violence was caused by anger from his horrible situation and worsened by the tattoos, he didn’t take pleasure in it. He doesn’t need to be a beast to be at ease.The tattoos made him a beast, he wasn’t born as one, this isn’t his natural state. The Koujaku I know was always human.” _

Desire grit his teeth. He didn’t miss the implication that Reason had called  _ him _ a monster by saying he and Koujaku weren’t alike.

He wanted to snap a scathing reply back but stopped himself. He could feel a strange sensation, as if the edges of his consciousness were melting through tiny cracks in his mind. It was the first time he’d ever felt this particular feeling and it was extremely unnerving.

_ What the hell? _

Desire ran out of the cell, managing to lock the cell door behind him as he left, leaving Noiz and Koujaku completely dumbstruck.

He staggered a few times, but walked successfully out of the dungeon, heading for his rooms.

Desire felt as if his mind was very slowly liquefying inside his head amidst the fog that clouded his vision. He could vaguely tell his sluggish steps were being followed by Virus and Trip but he didn’t care, all he needed was to get to his rooms.

The hallways and corridors he had to walk seemed endless and when he finally reached his bedroom he was practically crawling. He dragged himself into his bed and buried his face into the covers, clutching his head tightly, trying to keep his mind from slipping through.

_ Reason, what are you doing? _

Reason’s voice echoed loudly inside his skull, pulling at the threads of his fragile brain.

_ “It’s over for you, your time is done” _

Desire clenched his teeth and shut his eyes tight, trying to pull the tendrils of his consciousness back together.

_ I’m “Aoba” now, you’re unfit to be “Aoba”, you made that clear when you failed Koujaku’s Scrap. _

_ “You’re destroying “Aoba” with your actions, and those “Aoba” holds dear. I have to stop you, you’ve been misusing this body for too long.” _

The dull, throbbing pain started, he recognized it. He always felt it when Reason was trying to take over and Reason would feel when Desire would try to take over. This time however, it was accompanied by his mind being pulled into a strange vacuum and that perturbed him.

_ You aren’t coming out, I won’t let you, you’re staying down, you’re not coming out, you’re not coming out, you’re not coming out, you’re not coming out,you’renotcomingoutyourenotcomingoutyourenotcomingoutyourenotcomingout- _

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Three days must have passed already since Aoba’s weird meltdown. 

Noiz kept track of time from the guards delivering the daily, shitty meals down to the cells. 

Three days had passed and Aoba hadn’t come down. Noiz was feeling extremely restless.

Was the last requirement for the old Aoba’s takeover for Koujaku to touch his hair or something? Was this finally it? Fragile hope was trying to nestle inside him and he didn’t want to give way to that feeling only for it to be immediately crushed afterwards.

He was trying to keep himself as cautiously pessimistic as possible, thinking back on the other times Aoba had to be absent for days on end.

Impatience still gnawed at him, making each passing second unbearably slow as he fidgeted uselessly, waiting for Aoba’s eventual return but not knowing which Aoba would enter the cell.

Noiz glanced up behind his shoulder at Koujaku’s face, an old thought coming up to prod at his annoyed mind.

“Why haven’t you escaped this place yet?”

Koujaku let out a rough breath akin to a resigned sigh. Noiz frowned.

“I don’t get why you haven’t done it. You could, if you really put your muscles and what’s left of your already sparse brain into it.”

Koujaku sighed roughly again and jerked his head to the side, his hair moving out of his face, expression clearly indicating that Noiz didn’t get it.

“Ok, so there’s a reason you haven’t broken out of here,” Noiz concluded.  

Koujaku looked at him insistently, as if trying to convey something with his eyes alone. Seeming to think of a better way, his eyes lit up triumphantly and he opened his mouth.

“A...o...ba.”

Noiz rolled his eyes so hard it would have hurt if he could feel pain.

Koujaku was staying locked up to be with Aoba, like a good house pet. He might be able to get the fuck out of this hellish, overly-white place if he unleashed all of the brute might he restrained within himself, even as a beast, but he chose not to try. Love was literally keeping him in chains.

That was so cheesy Noiz almost gagged.

“You are such a fucking sap,” he muttered, utterly annoyed “You put feelings for the one who broke you over your freedom, what the hell? Are you a complete idiot?”

Koujaku let out an aggravated sigh, as if he’d been expecting that sort of reaction from Noiz. It only irritated Noiz further.

It wasn’t the first time he’d seen infatuated people lose all sense and make fools of themselves for those they claimed they loved and Noiz had managed to neatly fit that into his cost-benefit view of the world as well. Do stupid things for the person you loved, receive love and all it entailed (sex, touching, etc) in exchange, something like that. Noiz himself had been at the receiving end of the “affections” of infatuated women that came in the form of valentine’s day chocolates that contained disgusting things and had completely put Noiz off chocolate, possibly forever.

Love pulled the stupidity out of everyone. Koujaku, for instance, did receive some of the benefits of love from choosing to stay with Aoba but he endured a great deal of suffering as well, all of which he could avoid if he left Aoba.

Then there was Aoba, who ardently professed his love for Koujaku whenever he was with him and thought he was somehow giving Koujaku what he wanted by keeping him locked up underneath a tower and “giving him an outlet for destruction” in the form of his own body. Aoba, who seemed to have actually lost his mind over his love for Koujaku, causing the destructive part of himself to take control and cause the mess that got Noiz and the others imprisoned in the first place.

Noiz felt his irritation grow.

He didn’t have time for Koujaku’s and Aoba’s love, he just wanted to leave the damn tower and for everything to be over already.

“All this time you could have helped me escape, you could have gotten me out of here but you didn’t, all because of Aoba.”

It wasn’t true. Aoba could easily have stopped them with Scrap, the Oval Tower guards had guns and to Noiz’ knowledge, the tattoos didn’t make Koujaku bulletproof but he was angry and he felt like blaming Koujaku for everything.

Koujaku saw right through him, though, and only growled in annoyance in form of response.

“We could be outside right now, we could be free but all you ever think about is Aoba. Aoba, Aoba, Aoba.”

It was Koujaku’s turn to roll his eyes now and it only spurred Noiz into further word vomit.

“Does it turn you on to be kept on a leash, collared and chained to a wall day and night? Is that it? ‘Cus if that’s what is is then-”

Koujaku had heard enough.

Without warning, Koujaku reached for Noiz and pulled him into his lap. Before Noiz could make a sound of surprise, Koujaku had a hand on his face and his mouth was on his, nibbling softly at his lips and licking at them.

Noiz was shocked into silence and he sat obediently still through Koujaku’s messy attempt at a kiss. His lips slowly moved in response, never having refused to kiss Koujaku before and never intending to.

With a few parting licks, Koujaku pulled away, his eyes peering into Noiz’ own.

Noiz glared at him and opened his mouth.

Koujaku sighed roughly and pressed his lips over Noiz’ once more, his tongue sliding into Noiz’ mouth. Noiz accepted the kiss, entangling his tongue with Koujaku’s, feeling the warmth of his mouth, the metal of his piercing occasionally clinking against Koujaku’s teeth.It was slow and languid, with Koujaku sometimes softly nippin at Noiz’ bottom lip and then sucking on it. It felt all too good and Noiz’ previous irritation and impatience melted away with each slide of Koujaku’s tongue over his and each press of the man’s lips over his own.

When they parted, Koujaku was looking at him with such a sweet look of exasperated fondness that Noiz knew his face had to be red even though he couldn’t feel it.

Wrapping an arm around Noiz and holding his hand, Koujaku pressed his face into Noiz’ hair and gently nuzzled it, purring contentedly.

Noiz felt his heart skip a beat.

The way Koujaku treated him so warmly and affectionately sometimes had him actually believing he was loved.

His breath hitched at the thought, a fluttering sensation in his stomach, but he fiercely stopped his mind from going any further in that direction. Being with Koujaku often had his thoughts in disarray, making him come up with ridiculous, absurd things.

Noiz had never been loved. Why would anyone love him  _ now _ ? How would he even know what being loved would feel like?

Besides, Koujaku was in love with Aoba, he’d made that abundantly clear. Regardless of what Noiz felt for him, his feelings for Noiz couldn’t go past the simplest affection.

But how could Koujaku look at him so tenderly and keep entwining his fingers with his own and still be in love with Aoba?

Or… could it be that Koujaku loved-

Noiz resolutely pushed that thought down, refusing to let himself think it. It was like thoughts of escape, it was something he didn’t want to get his hopes up for only for them to later be crushed. He would rather be cautiously pessimistic than be disillusioned, especially where his guarded feelings were concerned.

There was something else, though.

It was a terrible idea but…

Just like with sensation, Noiz could pretend like this. It was almost ridiculously easy to pretend and it felt so good. He could forget his emptiness while pretending, he could actually feel good while playing make-believe.

He kept his eyes fixed on their entwined fingers.

Koujaku made it so believable.

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoba has the worst poker face ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments, guys! A quick update this time. If only all updates were this fast, huh? -3-;

He still couldn’t get used to it.

He couldn’t get used to how  _ light _ he felt, how weightless, as if a strong wind could sweep his whole body away. He felt horribly fragile.

It felt so  _ wrong _ .

Like he was missing a piece of himself that would give his soul sustenance, something that would complete him and make him whole again.

He’d talked to Ren and Sei about it and Sei had nodded knowingly.  _ “I sometimes feel like that,” _ he’d said.

Aoba was curled up on the bed with Ren in his arms, Sei’s projection of himself sitting next to him with a gentle hand on Aoba’s shoulder. He’d been in his bedroom for five whole days now, barely bothering to get up to eat leftovers he’d found in a fridge in another room and then returning to bed immediately afterwards. He was still trying to fix what he’d done, to undo yet another mistake.

Sei stroked his shoulder and although Aoba was unable to feel his hand, he appreciated the gesture.

“Try again?” Sei suggested gently.

Aoba sighed softly and closed his eyes. What more could he do?

He reached within himself and delved deeply inside, searching for that familiar presence he knew so well. He called out to him, tried to pull at the corners of his consciousness where it would normally touch with his. Diving deeper, he searched in places he wouldn’t normally be in in case he was trying to hide himself but he’d already done this in the past days and as expected, his search was fruitless. He wasn’t hiding, he wasn’t ignoring Aoba either.

He was gone.

Aoba had realized it as soon as he came back, after he’d finally succeeded in crushing Desire, he’d felt as if a part of his very being was missing. His very soul had felt shattered, incomplete and all of Sei’s warnings had suddenly made sense. The realization had left him breathless and he’d desperately tried to bring Desire back, suddenly feeling immeasurably stupid for all the cruel words he’d ever spat at him, all the times he’d tried to be as hurtful as possible but it was too late. Aoba couldn’t feel his presence inside himself anymore.

Desire had done horrible things that went against everything Aoba stood for. Desire had made countless people suffer with his selfish wants and impulses. He’d given Toue the power necessary to subdue the entire island, he’d destroyed minds without a thought for the people he was breaking, he’d played perverted, sick games with his prisoners, the list of his sins was endless. What he’d done was unforgivable.

And yet as soon as Aoba had felt his mind devoid of his presence, when he’d felt the sinking emptiness deep within himself, the realization that he  _ needed _ Desire to be whole had come rushing in.

It was only through losing him that he was able to realize how that twisted, impulsive, selfish being had been an essential part of himself all along. All the fights, all the times they tried to take over each other, all the struggles for control had all been mistakes Aoba couldn’t take back no matter how much he wished to. It dawned on him that in their hostile efforts, they had never made any attempts to understand each other.

Aoba had activated Ren afterwards, having missed him immensely after not speaking to him for so many months and hoping to seek his counsel, but Ren still couldn’t remember his time as Restraint. Ren tried to search his memories, but they wouldn’t go beyond Aoba’s incident years ago and so he was unable to help.

Sei had appeared in Aoba’s bedroom a day later and instantly knew what had happened. He’d listened to a weeping Aoba patiently and had tried to comfort him, assuring Aoba he’d be there for him and that he wasn’t alone. Then, Ren had suggested Aoba try Scrapping himself.

That’s when they had realized something else.

Aoba had stood in front of his full body-length mirror in complete silence and tried to Scrap himself.

Nothing had happened.

Worse still, he hadn’t been able to feel the power inside himself he was used to feeling before, couldn’t feel the strange energy in his mind that indicated his ability to use Scrap. Aoba felt as if he was just spouting empty words.

He’d described the sensation to Sei and his brother’s eyes had widened. Sei had Aoba try using Scrap on him as well. Nothing happened. They’d realized it then.

Missing a crucial part of himself, Aoba couldn’t use Scrap anymore.

Aoba had broken down at that revelation.

How was he supposed to free everyone without Scrap? There were Alphas and their Dye music to contend with, not to mention all the gun-wielding guards patrolling all the corridors. Noiz and Mink were unarmed, sneaking them weapons was impossible with the constant surveillance on himself, he fully intended on taking Sei with him, they had to save Clear as well and Koujaku…

Koujaku was resistant to Dye music in his transformed state, Aoba had seen it through Desire’s eyes when Alphas had struggled to confine his best friend. Koujaku was also capable of killing all the guards with minor injuries to himself.

But Aoba would  _ not _ have Koujaku be responsible for another massacre again, would not order Koujaku to take more lives when he knew it would torture the man beneath the beast to do so. It could cause the parts of his humanity that had resurfaced again to be repressed once more as well and that was something they couldn’t afford either, not to mention the crucial fact that, as deadly and fearsome as Koujaku was, a well-aimed bullet could easily be his end.

Aoba  _ needed _ Scrap.

He’d been locked in his rooms with Ren and Sei as company since then, digging deep inside himself in constant search of Desire in vain.

After another futile search for Desire, Aoba came back to the surface and into his bedroom, back to Sei and Ren. He shook his head, indicating he’d come back empty-handed as usual.

Sei nodded in acknowledgment but Ren stirred in Aoba’s arms, wanting his attention. Aoba looked down at his little face.

“I have been thinking of something and thought this could be the appropriate moment to bring it up,” Red started, “I believe your search for Desire could be affected by those that surround you. It might be worth trying to head back to the cells.”

Aoba perked up at that, confused.

“What do you mean?” He asked, “I’m not really of much use to Koujaku, Noiz and Mink in the state I’m in.”

Aoba was even ashamed of facing them like this, especially Koujaku. He’d promised Koujaku he’d get them all out and with it was the unspoken assurance that he’d bring Koujaku back to his normal self but now that he was back, he was useless. How could he face Koujaku like this? He’d already failed him once and now Aoba was about to do it again.

“You told me Desire was very attached to Koujaku, correct?” Aoba nodded, “With that being the case, being in the presence of Koujaku could help bring Desire back.”

Aoba’s eyes widened. He currently felt too inadequate to face Koujaku and he still felt horribly incomplete, like he’d crumble at any second if he left the safety of his rooms.

But-

“I think Ren has a point,” Sei said, “Desire was deeply in love with your friend, in his  _ very _ unique way, of course,” Sei added with a little shudder, as if remembering something unpleasant, “In any case, being with him  _ could _ very well bring out Desire. It does make sense.”

It  _ did _ make sense.

After the failed Scrap attempt and that last apology he’d given Koujaku, Aoba had been buried deep within himself for months, with moments where he’d thought he’d disappear completely. However, a tiny flame had still burned within him, too small for even Desire to feel. The tiny flame came in the form of his deep yearning to be with Koujaku, to know how Koujaku was doing, to make him feel better, to tell him how he felt, to feel his touch, to say his name again, Koujaku, Koujaku, just Koujaku. Just thinking about the man he’d realized too late he loved more than anyone had kept him on the brink of existence.

Aoba had gotten stronger day by day, his feelings and thoughts for the one he was so close to but still couldn’t reach sustaining him, feeding that little flame inside him gradually until it was a roaring blaze that couldn’t be contained any longer and he could push beyond the confines of Desire’s power to resurface again. Aoba had then pushed himself every day, with the goal of finally overcoming Desire’s hold on his body, with Koujaku constantly on his mind.

Maybe Desire’s tiny flame was burning inside Aoba too but he couldn’t feel it yet. Maybe it needed to be fed and tended to before he would be able to feel it.

It really did make sense. After all, Koujaku had also been the one who held Aoba’s mind together for the short time they’d been together after Aoba’s parents left.

Aoba bit his lip. He’d have to lean on Koujaku once more, as he always had.

He sat up and got off the bed.

“You both are right,” he told Sei and Ren, “I need to head down to the cells and go to Koujaku. I need to get Desire back not just for myself but for all of us as well.”

Once he’d feel Desire’s presence within himself once more, It would be a matter of making peace with him and Aoba had to fight back the wave of pessimism he felt when he thought of how much they’d hated each other for months.

But Aoba couldn’t fail, not again. Nothing would be too much if it meant getting Desire back and saving everyone.

Aoba turned to Sei and looked determinedly into his eyes.

“I know what you want me to do to you, but when I get Desire back, you’re coming home with me.”

Sei creased his eyebrows in a soft, sad look.

“Aoba…”

“No arguing,” Aoba countered firmly, “Your health has improved beyond everyone’s expectations, so that’s no excuse. You’ll get to try what life is like when you’re not just spectating it from behind these tower’s walls, you’ll get to experience it without constantly being experimented on. If you end up hating it, we can talk about death then but not before.”

Sei looked slightly surprised at Aoba’s words and looked like he wanted to say something but remained silent. Aoba’s eyes softened.

“I need you, brother,” he said quietly.

“Aoba…”

Sei’s lips parted slightly and he had a gentle expression on his face. A small smile slowly tugged at the corners of his lips.

“Just… let me think about it, alright?”

Aoba smiled and nodded, accepting that Sei probably needed a bit more time to get used to the idea.

After giving Sei’s projected self a hug, he went to the bathroom, showered and got himself ready. There were still many bandages to wrap around his body and he was dismayed when he looked through Desire’s pile of robes to find that Desire completely disregarded underwear. Aoba already felt naked enough as it was and wearing robes with nothing underneath left him feeling uncomfortably vulnerable, the red thigh-highs and the sleeves doing nothing to make him feel more covered. The knowledge of why Desire opted for no underwear under his clothes flushed his cheeks and he shook his head hastily, moving his thoughts to something else.

Aoba adjusted the red tassels in his hair and examined himself in the bathroom mirror. He still wasn’t used to seeing himself with alabaster skin, eyes and hair. It made him look different, a bit like an otherworldly being, and the clothing didn’t help at all either. What had Desire been thinking? What the hell was with this clothing? He felt like some sort of over-sexed shrine maiden.

Aoba went back to the bedroom, with Ren and Sei waiting for him and he was about to have Sei talk some courage into him before heading out when his eyes caught a long box on his bedside table.

He knew what was in that box and an idea on something that could help him feel sturdier lit up in his mind.

Desire used to feel sad when he’d see it because it reminded him of old memories with Koujaku but that was just what Aoba could use at the moment.

Aoba rummaged in some drawers and found a red ribbon with some tassels on it and opened the box on his bedside table and took out Koujaku’s hairpin. He tied his long hair in a high ponytail with the ribbon and, when done, added Koujaku’s hairpin to his simple hairstyle.

“Oh, that looks really cute,” Sei murmured from his seat on the bed.

Aoba felt better already, as if he was carrying a part of Koujaku on his own person. Koujaku would always make him feel stronger when they were kids, and his support was just what Aoba needed in these moments when his whole being felt so breakable. Enlivened, he went to his long mirror to check how he looked.

Aoba frowned at what he saw.

He looked like a girl.

He’d never been good at telling what looked good on himself and what didn’t but even he could tell he looked like a girl at the moment. Koujaku could wear a hairpin and still look manly enough but Aoba just wound up looking feminine, the robes he was currently wearing not helping to make him look more masculine either.

He turned to the bed and talked to whoever he first laid eyes on.

“Ren, I look like a girl like this, don’t I?”

It took Ren a little longer than usual to reply.

“I cannot confirm nor deny that.”

Aoba rolled his eyes and huffed irritably. Sei’s gentle laughter sounding like soft chimes ringing in the wind.

“It doesn’t matter if you look like a girl or not,” Sei said sweetly, “You look good like that, it really suits you and that’s all there is to it. I often look like a girl myself and I don’t mind it one bit. It really doesn’t matter, in the end.”

The sound reason in his brother’s words placated him. He liked having Koujaku’s hairpin in his hair, it gave him a little surge of much needed courage to face the rest of the world.

He gingerly brought his fingers to it. Koujaku would support him once more, as he always had, but Aoba would make sure to properly return the favor this time around. Aoba would make himself strong enough to not only be someone Koujaku loved, but someone Koujaku could fully rely on. He wanted to help mend Koujaku’s wounds, if only a little, and become someone Koujaku could truly count on whenever he’d need it.

Aoba stood straighter and faced his bedroom’s door.

“Alright, I’ll be going, then. Wish me luck.”

“Have a good day and please be careful,” Ren said.

“You can do this, Aoba,” Sei encouraged, “This is the first step to getting yourself back together, saving your friends and finally going back home. You  _ will _ accomplish all of  that, I have faith in you.”

Aoba was thankful for Sei’s support, although his heart clenched at the thought of home.

_ Granny _ …

With renewed drive, he thanked both Ren and Sei and opened the door.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Aoba tried to walk through the hallways with Desire’s air of arrogant confidence but he was sure his steps were faltering every now and then.

He felt too light, too unsubstantial and he couldn’t help but feel as if everyone around him could tell, which was ridiculous. Outwardly, he hadn’t changed, he looked exactly the same and there was nothing that would clue a stranger into how he’d recently lost a part of himself.

Paranoia still clung to him, making his journey to the dungeons a small torture, made all the worse by the fact that he was being blatantly followed.

Aoba was then approached in a corridor by his two stalkers all too casually, as if they hadn’t just been following his every move.

“Good day, Aoba-san.”

“Yaho, Aoba.”

Aoba reluctantly turned to Virus and Trip. They were both smiling at him, looking normal enough but he felt horribly nervous, having to make a conscious effort to stop himself from shuddering.

“H-hey.”

Desire had absolutely despised those two, and Aoba had felt how his hatred had been born out of fear, something that was very out of place in Desire. Desire feared no one, he was arrogant and fully secure in his own strength, regardless of his opponent’s might. For Desire to fear someone, the person in question had to be terrifying and Aoba knew why Desire had felt such an aversion towards Virus and Trip. Aoba understood his fear well but he was disturbed by other reasons at the moment as he currently couldn’t use Scrap..

What deeply unsettled Aoba himself was how those two used to be his friends but had been double-crossing him the whole time, working for Toue and keeping the knowledge of Aoba’s twin brother to themselves. They were cheerfully cruel and very obviously had no remorse for playing Aoba like a fool, probably even finding it amusing. Their casual viciousness chilled Aoba all over, making him want to stay as far away from them as possible.

Trip looked pointedly at his hair, “First time I see you with a hairpin. You look adorable.”

“He’s right,” Virus chimed in, “That hairstyle does look very cute on you, Aoba-san.”

“Uh, thank you,” Aoba mumbled, keeping himself from lowering his eyes. He wanted to pretend he was feeling confident but he had a feeling he was failing miserably.

“So, where are you off to?” Trip asked nonchalantly.

“To the dungeon,” Aoba replied with feigned calm, “The same as usual.”

“Oh, we’ll walk with you to the entrance. I know that’s alright with you, right, Aoba-san?”

Aoba almost rolled his eyes at that; they would have followed him all the way there anyway even if they hadn’t come up to talk to him.

He didn’t grace Virus with a reply and just let them keep following him the rest of the way, just  much closer than before now.

“By the way,” Virus started, “You were locked in your rooms for almost a week and you just came back out today. Were you feeling unwell?”

A wave of nervousness rolled around in Aoba’s stomach.

“Ah, no, I was just feeling tired, that’s all. I’m perfectly fine now, though, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Just tired, huh?” Trip clearly wasn’t buying it.

“Yeah, I’m not sure why but I’m fine now, I’ve recovered.”

“Hmm, maybe your, ah, daily activities are getting a bit  _ strenuous  _ and they tired you out _ , _ ” Virus said with a suggestive glint in his eyes, “You should be careful not to push your body past its limits, Aoba-san.”

Trip snickered at Virus’ comment.

Aoba resolutely kept his gaze straight ahead as he felt the hints of a blush heating up his cheeks. He hadn’t missed what Virus had been insinuating and Aoba felt he should have refuted it but it was honestly a logical conclusion given Desire’s lifestyle and lack of inhibition.

“I couldn’t help but notice the bandage on your neck as well, Aoba-san. Are you sure you’re completely fine?”

“Ah,” Aoba unconsciously brought his fingers to his neck “Yeah, this is nothing to worry about, I’m fine.”

Virus smiled politely at him.

“Well, if you say so, I’ll trust your judgement, then.”

They kept walking together, Virus and Trip jovially chatting away about unimportant things when they finally reached the huge metal door signaling the entrance to the dungeons.

“Well, here we are, Aoba-san,” Virus said, “It was a pleasure spending time with you. Let’s meet again sometime soon!”

“Bye-bye, Aoba”

With their farewells said, Virus and Trip walked down the hall, finally leaving Aoba alone.

He sighed in relief, turning to the door and hurriedly opening it. Walking around Oval Tower with Virus and Trip and no underwear on was an experience he hoped he wouldn’t have to repeat often.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

Aoba couldn’t stop trembling from the moment he saw him.

He’d seen Koujaku many times before when he’d overcome Desire’s control and he’d come to the surface, he’d even felt him inside his body at times as he tended to become stronger when Desire and Koujaku were at their most connected.

But this was the first time he was seeing Koujaku with his own consciousness at the very front, without struggling with someone else for dominance. Now, he needed Koujaku’s help to piece himself back together.

Aoba couldn’t stop trembling, however. He could barely register Noiz sitting next to Koujaku through his now blurry eyes. Even though he’d seen Koujaku regularly in short intervals from the times he’d resurfaced, he’d missed him  _ so much _ .

He tried to calm himself, opening the cell’s door with shaky hands, entering the cell and closing the door behind him as slowly as he could.

Aoba turned towards Koujaku and Noiz, his wet eyes making it hard to see them. He breathed in and out, determined to keep his voice steady.

But then-

“A…”

Koujaku immediately recognized him.

“A..o..ba?”

And he crumbled instantly.

“K...Kou-jaku..!”

Aoba ran to Koujaku and threw himself at him, wrapping his arms around him as best as he could and sobbing openly into his chest.

“Koujaku… oh, Koujaku, I’m… s-so sorry…I’m a terrible friend…I’m sorry, I failed you, I-”

He was a blubbering mess, wailing apologies Koujaku had already heard before but that Aoba could never voice enough. No amount of apologies would ever repair Aoba’s grievous failure but that knowledge only made him apologize even more. He didn’t know what else he could do to express how much he regretted failing Koujaku. If only he’d said the right words back then, Koujaku would have been back to normal, they would have brought down Toue, no one would have gotten imprisoned and the island would have remained free.

If only he’d said the right words-

Aoba felt Koujaku’s broad frame shifting, then thick arms encircled him and held him tightly, his whole body pressed flat against Koujaku’s. The man rumbled softly, as if attempting to calm him down, his chin pressed carefully on top of Aoba’s head.

His sobs gradually lessened as he felt Koujaku’s warmth envelop him, the familiar feeling of safety he would always feel with his best friend when they were kids inundating his senses and helping him relax. A big hand ran slow strokes down his back, the tips of claws occasionally catching against the fabric of his robes but Aoba didn’t mind, enjoying the comfort of being held so fondly by the man he loved.

Koujaku’s embrace held so much tenderness and care in it, like it always had, and Aoba let himself sink into it, already feeling more substantial than when he’d woken up this morning. It was a distinctive quality of Koujaku’s, how the man managed to fully transmit his feelings through touch alone. Aoba tried to do the same through his own hold, hoping his own intense feelings of love and regret fully reached Koujaku.

The hand stroking his back trailed upwards and he felt a series of tingles run through his hair. It wasn’t painful in the least and he quietly marveled at Koujaku’s ability to touch his hair without causing him pain even in the state he was in. The hand touched his ponytail gingerly for a few moments and then reached up to the hairpin in his hair, touching it almost hesitantly.

Aoba let out a shaky laugh. He looked up from Koujaku’s chest to his face, wiping away a few stray tears. Koujaku looked surprised at the sight of his hairpin in Aoba’s hair, staring at it with round eyes.

“I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed it,” Aoba said with a smile, “It really helps me feel better when I wear it, so I hope you’ll keep lending it to me for the following days.”

Koujaku tilted his head, looking at him with a curious expression on his face. His hand went from the hairpin to the top of Aoba’s head and he stroked it, petting it. His lips were set in the barest hints of a smile.

Aoba’s heart fluttered, his face heating up.

Koujaku then opened his mouth, looking like he wanted to speak.

“Mmmrgh….”

“Hmmm?”

Aoba craned his neck up, trying to pick up what Koujaku was trying to say.

“Mnng…..”

“Eh?” Aoba still didn’t understand what Koujaku was trying to say.

Koujaku opened his mouth again, but then closed it, a mild look of exasperation on his face. Aoba insisted.

“Come on Koujaku, try again and I’ll figure it ou-”

“As adorably sappy as this reunion was, I think there are important things we need to discuss, hm?”

Aoba and Koujaku turned to the owner of the impatient voice.

A part of Aoba had been dreading having to face Noiz again. A mixture of deep shame and guilt had Aoba immediately lowering his eyes, images of what Desire and Noiz would do together flashing uncomfortably through his mind. For a short, vivid moment, Aoba wished Desire wasn’t a part of himself and that they didn’t have to share a body but he shook his head to clear his mind of those thoughts. He needed to wholly embrace Desire as a part of himself and fully accept him, as hard as it was at times.

Despite the shame, he also needed to face Noiz. It was the very least he could do after everything Desire had put Noiz through. Noiz wouldn’t have wound up at Desire’s mercy if Aoba hadn’t failed Koujaku’s Scrap in the first place.

Aoba finally raised his eyes and actually fully looked at Noiz for the first time since he’d entered the cell.

When he did, his jaw fell open.

How could Noiz act so casual and composed?

“Noiz! Y-you’re…”

“Hm?”

“You’re completely naked!” Aoba’s hands flew to his mouth, eyes wide.

Noiz stared at him like he was a total idiot.

“You noticed that just now? Seriously?”

Aoba gasped loudly, about to have a fit.

For months, Desire had the gall to keep Noiz constantly naked, like some sort of sex slave. Noiz was probably so used to it that he barely noticed it anymore, explaining why he was so untroubled by it.

That was _ awful _ .

Aoba jumped to his feet and headed for the cell’s door.

“I’m so sorry,” he called out behind him, “I’ll get you something to wear, I’ll be right back!”

Aoba ran out of the dungeon and went for the unused operation room. He searched the rooms around it until he found a sort of medical storage room that seemed to contain many supplies. Once inside, he rummaged through various crates and other containers until he found various boxes full of white medical scrubs. He picked some that seemed like they would fit Noiz and ran back to the dungeons.

Once back in Koujaku’s cell, he wordlessly handed Noiz the scrubs.

Noiz took the clothes from his hands and promptly set to dressing himself, his relief at finally having something to wear almost palpable. Aoba felt guilt gnawing at him when he saw Noiz’ near desperation to get himself covered. Noiz had always worn so many layers back in the Old Residential District but in the cell, he’d been forced to spend almost three months fully bared, with nothing but Koujaku’s body to cover him. Uncomfortable was probably an understatement for what Noiz must have felt.

Noiz stood with the scrubs hanging from his thin frame. They were a bit too big for him, the pants hanging low on his hips but it was very obviously leagues better than being naked all the time. The blond readjusted his pants, pulling them up higher on his hips. He then sat back down and glanced up at Aoba, fretful restlessness evident in his eyes.

“Now that this is taken care of and you’re finally back, we can talk about important shit, like how we plan on getting out of here, right?”

Aoba couldn’t stop himself from grimacing at that, the previous feelings of ineptitude he’d felt earlier in the day rushing back in. Noiz caught his expression, his own growing tight.

“What did that face mean?” Noiz asked in an even tone that was betrayed by the anxiety in his gaze.

Aoba heaved a long sigh, hating to be the bearer of awful news, lowering his eyes to the ground.

“We can’t escape yet,” he said somberly.

Noiz’ expression froze.

“Why not?”

Aoba winced at the nearly desperate tone of Noiz’ voice but he steeled himself, preparing to explain his mistake to both Noiz and Koujaku. He sighed again and proceeded to recount what had happened in the past five days, Desire’s disappearance, the balance of his mind, his inability to use Scrap now that Desire was gone, how crucial Scrap was if they were to escape and his attempts at getting Desire back, with Koujaku very probably being the one he needed to bring him back..

Aoba tried to be as clear as possible with his explanations and descriptions, knowing the subject was sometimes difficult to follow. Only Ren and Sei fully understood how his mind and powers worked so it was difficult to try to convey it to others.

Noiz and Koujaku had listened to him quietly all the way through but Noiz wouldn’t stop scowling at Aoba’s words.

Aoba felt all the more sorry for it. He knew Noiz had been impatiently waiting every day for the chance to escape to finally arrive only to be told he’d have to wait even more. Aoba couldn’t blame him for being displeased.

As soon as Aoba had finished talking, Noiz didn’t wait a second to sarcastically voice his disapproval.

“So, you want to get back the part of yourself that locked us up here in the first place,” Noiz started in a flat voice, “That willingly joined Toue and helped him brainwash this island. The part of yourself that loves destroying people’s minds and has daily kinky dungeon sex with his prisoners. The part of yourself you spent  _ months _ trying to overcome. You want to get  _ that _ back,” he scoffed “Perfect plan.”

Aoba groaned. If Noiz put it  _ that _ way, of course it sounded like a terrible idea but it wasn’t that simple. Desire wasn’t a good person, for sure, but he was a crucial part of Aoba, a part Aoba  _ needed _ inside himself to function correctly. It probably spoke terribly of himself but that was the honest truth.

“Without him, I feel like a part of myself is missing and I can’t use Scrap,” Aoba reiterated, “We  _ need _ Scrap to escape this place and bring down Toue so we need him back.”

“Ok, so we do need Scrap, I’ll give you that, but what makes you think he’ll even come to our side when you get him back?” Noiz shot back, “What if he wants to go back to being Toue’s precious son and fucking his pets? I don’t see that many reasons for him to want to do things your way.”

“I’ll offer him to become one with me, which is what he’s always wanted,” Aoba countered earnestly, “I should have offered that to him a long time ago but I didn’t understand him, I thought I was supposed to fight him instead.”

Noiz scowled, “And you couldn’t have had that epiphany sooner?”

“He was never exactly all that friendly, what with trying to crush me for months and all that,” Aoba retorted defensively, “But in any case, I’m hoping becoming one with me will trump any appeal Toue could still hold for him.”

“You’re ‘ _ hoping _ ’?” Noiz spat incredulously, “So you’re not even sure that’ll work?”

Aoba sighed once more.

“We’ve been at each other’s throats for months, I won’t lie and say he’ll be happy to see me again when I get him back but this needs to be done. I need him back to have Scrap again.”

“Isn’t there any other way for you to get Scrap back?” Noiz asked with a hint of urgency in his voice, “Without having to get  _ him _ back as well?”

Aoba’s brows furrowed in a sad expression. After everything Desire had done, it wasn’t surprising Noiz was so opposed to bringing him back and it made Aoba wish once again to be separate from Desire. He had to tell himself once more that he had to accept Desire as a part of himself and make an effort to understand him.

“My ability to use Scrap came from Desire,” Aoba said, “So there isn’t any other way. I need him back to be able to use Scrap again.”

“What if he tries to take over you again?”

Aoba shook his head.

“I don’t think he’ll be strong enough to try but even if he is, I won’t let him do it.”

Noiz looked completely unconvinced.

Aoba scooted closer to him and took a hold of his hands, surprising him.

“I know you’re not completely on board with this but you know we need Scrap,” Aoba said, “And Desire won’t be able to take control of me this time around.”

Noiz stared at their joined hands, expression guarded.

“Everything could go wrong so easily.”

“It’s been that way from the moment we entered this tower,” Aoba said, “But I need to at least  _ try _ .”

Aoba squeezed Noiz’ hands.

“I’ll do my best for all of us,” Aoba continued, “I know you want to leave this place already and I feel the same way. I’ll try to get Desire back as quickly as possible so we can go back home as soon as possible.”

Noiz raised his eyes to Aoba’s face and stared at him for a long time, gaze unreadable.

Finally Noiz sighed in resignation.

“I still don’t like this, but if it’ll get us out of here…”

He exhaled roughly.

“Fine.”

Aoba knew that would be as much as he’d get from the boy in terms of support for his endeavor but he appreciated it anyway. He held Noiz’ gaze with determination.

“I won’t let you down,” Aoba assured earnestly, “I’ll get us out of here, I promise.”

Noiz studied Aoba’s face for a long moment, as if searching for something, before finally lowering his eyes, expression now impassive.

Aoba nibbled on his lower lip.

“Noiz… I also wanted to tell you… I’m really sorry for everyth-”

“Don’t”

“Eh?”

Noiz shook his head.

“I’ve already told you to keep your apologies to yourself. I don’t wanna hear it.”

Noiz’ eyes had hardened considerably so Aoba chose to keep his mouth shut. The blond looked annoyed now so Aoba decided it was best to leave him be.

Giving Noiz’ hands one last squeeze, Aoba turned to Koujaku.

Aoba took Koujaku’s large hands in his, his own feeling very small as he entwined their fingers together. It was reminiscent of when they were kids and they would always hold hands, Aoba’s hands impossibly tiny in Koujaku’s back then. It brought a small smile to his lips at the memory and he leaned in closer to his best friend.

“Koujaku, will you help me bring Desire back?”

Koujaku grunted in assent, leaning in until his forehead was touching Aoba’s. Aoba’s smile grew. Even after Aoba had failed him, Koujaku still had faith in him. It gave Aoba courage for the next step he was going to take.

He slowly separated his hands from Koujaku’s and, after giving him a parting hug, he stood up and made his way to the cell’s door.

“Where are you going?” Noiz asked behind him.

“I’m going to see Mink now,” Aoba replied.

Noiz scoffed.

“That’ll be fun.”

Aoba didn’t need to be reminded, but Mink needed to know the current state of things.

As Aoba walked to the door, a sudden thought occurred to him. He turned his head back to Noiz.

“Noiz.”

“Yeah?”

“Would you like to go back to the other cell or would you rather keep staying here with Koujaku?”

“I want to stay here,” Noiz replied with lightning speed, barely waiting for Aoba to finish his question.

Aoba was startled by the borderline urgency in Noiz’ answer. Noiz must have really disliked being in a cell on his own or maybe he was getting rather attached to Koujaku.

Aoba would always see Koujaku and Noiz holding each other through Desire’s eyes whenever Desire would visit them so Noiz becoming attached was a very real possibility.

Aoba was unsure of how he felt about that. Even during Desire’s fits of jealousy, he hadn’t let himself think too much about Koujaku’s affection for Noiz and what it meant regarding Koujaku’s feelings towards himself. The matter would have to be resolved soon, he knew it, but it wasn’t a priority. The primary issue was getting Desire back.

After a quick nod to Noiz, Aoba left the cell to head over to Mink’s.

Feelings of apprehension and nervousness grew as he approached the cell.

The last time Desire had seen Mink was in the showers...

Aoba squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, refusing to dwell any longer on the memory, his face heating up.

Desire had done so many perverse things in the months he’d been in control and all without a shred of shame. Aoba didn’t understand. Why was that side of himself so  _ lewd _ ? How could Aoba feel so differently about everything if he and Desire were supposed to be one and the same, two halves that completed a whole being?

But as much as Aoba kept questioning himself, he knew he needed to embrace Desire.

Desire himself made it difficult, though.

Aoba reached the door to Mink’s cell and looked through the bars. Mink was sitting cross-legged on the floor against a wall, his dreads partially obscuring his face but Aoba could see that his eyes were fixed on him, wary and alert. Mink’s eyes were a rich golden color, different from the blue Aoba remembered back in the Old Resident District. Those eyes watched his every movement, likely expecting Desire and Aoba sighed at the thought, unlocking the door with his keys and entering the cell, trying to keep his steps as small and unthreatening as possible.

He walked over to Mink but still kept a wide distance between them in respect of Mink’s personal space, hoping he was properly conveying the change in himself.

“Mink…”

Mink’s pupils shifted slightly at his voice. His gaze studied Aoba sharply and Aoba felt himself thoroughly scrutinized under those searching eyes. He let Mink take his time in examining him from afar, keeping quiet all the while.

Finally, Mink broke the silence between them.

“You’re back.”

Aoba nodded, silently impressed that Mink had caught on so quickly with how little they knew each other. Maybe the change inside him was just extremely obvious to everyone, even those who barely knew him and he needed to be more careful when walking around Oval Tower.

Unlike Noiz, who’d been visibly restless and impatient for discussion of escape, Mink calmly waited for Aoba to speak, seeming to know what was to come would unfold at a slower pace.

Aoba kept fussing with one of the tassels on his robe, struggling with his next words.

“First, I want to apologize,” he started with a soft voice, “For everything my other side has done to you. For helping Toue, imprisoning you, enraging you on purpose and… everything else too,” his eyes lowered to the floor, his cheeks faintly flushing pink.

Mink remained impassive, soundlessly keeping his steady gaze fixed on him.

“I’m truly sorry for… f-for everything.”

Silence.

No one seemed interested in hearing Aoba’s apologies, which only made him want to apologize more so he bit his tongue instead.

It was best to just quickly deliver the bad news.

Aoba swallowed.

“I also came to tell you that we won’t be able to escape or bring down Toue just yet,” Aoba said in a small voice, his eyes downcast.

“I figured as much.”

Aoba looked up at Mink.

“Eh?”

“I figured you’d say something like that by the look on your face,” Mink said in a detached tone, “I knew victory wouldn’t be assured just as soon as you’d be set free from the devil’s grasp, it would obviously take more effort than that.”

Aoba suppressed a shudder.

That word again.  _ Devil _ .

It would always make Desire laugh for many reasons, one of them being bitterness. As fun as it was to be called a devil, there were few things that reminded Desire as strongly as that word that he was meant to be despised while Aoba was meant to be loved, he was meant to be the bad one no one wanted while Aoba was the good one everyone liked.

Maybe Desire had deserved to be called a Devil for everything he’d done but Aoba needed to change that. He needed to integrate Desire as one with himself and thus, he needed those who’d met Desire to acknowledge him as part of himself.

He looked Mink firmly in the eyes.

“He… he wasn’t a devil, you know. He was destructive and chaotic but he was far from a devil.”

“Hah?” Mink looked slightly taken aback by the sudden determination in Aoba’s eyes.

“He was a part of me,” Aoba continued earnestly, “An essential part of me, and we’ll need him back if we want to escape this tower and bring down Toue.”

Mild confusion passed through Mink’s face, “What are you talking about? Explain yourself properly.”

Aoba kneeled down in front of Mink and proceeded to relate everything he’d told Koujaku and Noiz earlier. He emphasized as much as he could that Desire was a part of himself, always had been and was necessary for the proper functioning of his whole mind and his ability to use Scrap.

Mink’s brow kept furrowing deeper the more Aoba kept going with his explanations and this had him feeling terribly anxious. Was Mink not understanding something? Did Mink think him insane? Most people only had to deal with one consciousness and Aoba was painfully aware of it. Desire wasn’t the easiest consciousness to deal with, either. Maybe Mink really did think he was deranged.

Aoba had been done talking for a few minutes by now and Mink was still silent, expression completely closed off. Aoba kept staring at his face, hoping to uncover what he was thinking but failing miserably.

He kept pulling nervously at the cords on his robes, almost undoing them and opening his robes in the process. He was so anxious, he just wanted Mink to say something, anything, to break the tense silence between them.

After what seemed like an eternity, Mink leaned forward, his eyes sharp.

“My only concern is to get my hands on Toue. I don’t care about anything else and I’ll do whatever it takes to reach my goal” Mink’s deep voice was loud in the previously quiet cell, “So I ask you: Are you completely sure we’ll reach him by bringing this part of you back?”

Mink’s golden eyes peered deeply into Aoba’s, making him forget his previous anxiety and filling him with newfound resolve.

“I am. I’m sure of it.”

Mink leaned back against the wall, fingers grasping emptily for something before he closed his hand around the air. He seemed to deem Aoba’s determined affirmation as acceptable and put his hand under his chin, mulling over something.

“I need you to clarify a few things for me, then.”

Aoba looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

“This part of you- Desire, as you call it- you used to feel it’s presence inside of you but now you don’t anymore, right?” Aoba nodded. “He was the part of you that felt destructive urges and loved pain,” another nod, “And you think Red might be able to bring him back.” Aoba hummed in assent.

Mink was silent for a few minutes again, seemingly deep in thought. He put two fingers to his lips, as if bringing an imaginary object to them and let out a rough exhale.

“I don’t think Red is all you need to bring him back.”

Aoba looked at him with interest.

“What do you mean?”

The man shook the hand he’d been holding his invisible pipe with slightly.

“Think about this calmly: besides being destructive, what else made Desire similar to a demon?”

Aoba was confused by the question. What made Desire similar to a demon besides his love for destruction? Aoba thought about it. Desire had been destructive, lewd, callous, uncaring for most people other than Koujaku and himself. Other than his actions and questionable qualities, Aoba hadn’t seen anything else that would make Desire similar to a devil in the time he’d been forced to the back of their head.

…

Oh.

“He possessed my body and took over my mind by force,” Aoba answered.

“Exactly,” Mink said, “He took control of you and made you his own to crush as he saw fit,” He looked at Aoba with a serious expression on his face, “To get him back, you need to claim him and make him your own, but in a different way.”

“In what way?”

“Make his love of destruction and pain your own,” Mink replied steadily, “If you two are one and the same, you should be able to feel his same desires and emotions deep inside you. Bring those desires and emotions to the surface and you should feel his presence inside you afterwards.”

Aoba’s eyes widened. He understood what Mink was saying and knew what he was suggesting. It wasn’t unreasonable at all, it was something Aoba knew was true and that could work all too well but-

“I-I don’t want to destroy anything, or anyone,” Aoba stuttered, already knowing that wasn’t what Mink had meant.

The older man simply shook his head.

“There are other forms of destruction he loved that don’t involve causing harm to others,” He regarded Aoba knowingly, as if seeing right through his hesitation and unease, “Like the one he liked to bring upon himself.”

Mink paused for a few seconds, gauging Aoba’s reactions

“Feeling pain all over your body, being made to bleed and being torn from the inside out… deep down, it puts you at ease.”

Aoba turned his face away, biting down on his lip hard. He’d known what Mink had been suggesting before he said it more explicitly and hearing it put into words like that made his guts twist in shame. When he’d think or talk of Desire, even when he’d insist he was a part of himself, him having his own consciousness separated his vices from Aoba, keeping Aoba somewhat decent. With Mink acknowledging their emotions and desires as interwoven, Aoba could no longer hide and pretend he was somehow more proper himself. This man, who barely knew him, had exposed him as being utterly depraved.

And Mink was right, Aoba  _ could _ feel hints of inclinations and emotions that were a result of Desire’s own deep within himself. Deep inside, there was perversion and deviancy just as great as Desire’s just waiting to be set free and that scared Aoba.

But how much pain would be enough? Aoba could probably handle something mild but Desire loved to have his body completely smeared in red and the thought alone made Aoba’s heart race uncomfortably. Would he have to do the same? How would he endure it, much less  _ enjoy _ it, when just the sight of Koujaku’s claws was enough to make him nervous? How would he make Desire’s love of pain his own?

With nervous sweat on his forehead, Aoba decided a more gradual approach was in order. First, he’d try Ren’s suggestion of digging for Desire with Koujaku by his side. He’d visit Sei in his room as well and have his brother Scrap him in hopes of finding Desire.

If that didn’t work…

He’d have no choice but to look for Desire through pain.

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“That’s not him anymore, is it?”

“Of course it isn’t.”

Trip turned to face Virus, who was leaning against one of the walls of their black living room, glass of wine in hand. Hersha slithered soundlessly around his feet, occasionally flickering his tongue.

“There really are two minds inside his head, then,” Trip said, eyebrows slightly raised, “He probably switched or was in the process of switching five days ago back to the sweet one, right?”

“Correct,” Virus curtly replied.

The two different sides of Aoba were both equally fun. The Aoba that had ruled alongside Toue so far had been a shot of nostalgia, reminding Trip of the good old days when he and Virus used to watch Aoba using his powers in Rhyme.

Now with Toue, he had been as volatile and chaotic as before but with a newfound obsession in the form of a wrathful beast Aoba was completely enamoured with. Virus had been mutely fascinated but Trip was delighted when they’d found out Aoba actually let the beast fuck him. It was utterly depraved and the image of the savage monster throwing his great bulk down onto Aoba’s small frame and fucking him raw had Trip hard for days. Virus and Trip had even tried to watch the action themselves but neither Aoba nor the beast had appreciated it so it ended up being a fruitless endeavor.

That Aoba’s blatant fear of them when he’d realized Scrap didn’t work on them had been lovely. He’d tried so hard to hide it too, striking an air of annoyance and disdain whenever he’d see them, but they had easily seen right through his act.

The Aoba now was adorable. He was the one that cared so much for everyone else, overvalued his family and friends and got flustered over nothing. He was exceedingly sweet and naive, carrying his vulnerability on his face for everyone to see, so easy to deceive and play with. This Aoba was very obviously afraid of them as well and Trip could already imagine how pretty he would look caught in the throes of reluctant pleasure, trying to turn his reddened face away but being forced to show it, tears of fear and shame running down his cheeks as he’d moan loudly despite his best efforts to keep himself quiet.

The light weight on his shoulder pulled his thoughts out of the pleasant images on his mind.

Virus was now leaning his head against Trip’s shoulder, rubbing his forehead on him. It was something they would do ever since they were kids, having no one else to rely on but each other. They both knew it didn’t particularly mean anything but a desire for the small relief physical contact could bring. It didn’t mean they were truly close or anything of the sort.

Trip knew Virus was doing it for the same reason he’d recently been doing it himself, too. Ennui had been permeating Toue’s new world order. It was getting harder with each passing day to find new, interesting things to amuse themselves with.

Aoba could change that. For a time, at least.

“So, when do we tell him?” He asked Virus.

They had some information Toue would find very valuable and he only needed their word for it

Virus pressed himself more firmly against Trip, thinking it over. He let Hersha’s tail wrap around his right ankle as he shifted his position.

“We’ll wait a little more to let Aoba-san get used to his surroundings,” Virus said after a few seconds passed, “It wouldn’t do to overwhelm him right from the start when he’s just gotten back after months of absence. After a certain amount of time has passed, Toue’s open distrust of him will work greatly to our advantage.”

Trip hummed, agreeing with Virus’ reasoning. Breaking Aoba right from the beginning wouldn’t be as fun as it would be if it was a bit more gradual, and the boy was a little too fragile at the moment. They would have to wait a little longer.

Sei was Toue’s but Aoba could be their own, instead.

 


	15. To my wonderful readers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A question to those who read or are reading this fic.

Hello to everyone who's read this fic! I wanted to thank you all for reading my work and all the comments and kudos.

I just went back to check the new comments on this fic and wow, my readers are so awesome and I’m so sorry I’ve let you down! >.<  Real life totally kicked me in the ovaries when it comes to DMMD writing inspiration so I’m really sorry I’ll likely not continue the fic.

I wanted to make it better for my readers though so I was thinking: **maybe people would like it if I uploaded the rough drafts of some of the originally planned future chapters after the last one where I left off?**

I do warn you, I don’t write my drafts in chronological order and a ton of my drafts consist of a bunch of smut cus I tend to try to get smut “out of the way” when I write before focusing on everything else. There’s still a lot of dealing with feelings and sadness and fear and stuff though, so maybe people might like it if I upload the drafts?

Please comment if you'd like me to post the drafts! You can also tell me what you think on and off anon at my tumblr bluho3o3o.tumblr.com/


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